Page 41 of Forever Found
“It’s not just you. We all saw Adam bleeding out on that step. It must haunt Adam too, having to pass the spot he almost bled to death each day. Eli isn’t comfortable there either, and I’d feel much happier of we could rebuild something more secure. It’s a good idea, and I’m going to get the ball moving first thing. What else can we do? Do you feel up to sessions with your therapist again?” he asked, dismissing the subject of him destroying one enormous house, just to build another.
“No,” I groaned. “But I know I need to. What happened tonight…I can’t go on this way. Something has to change, and I have to be the one to change it. I think Laura’s the only one who can help me do that.”
“I can schedule online sessions again, or we could have her come to you if you need face to face sessions?” he offered. “I know how hard it is to talk to a virtual stranger, Addy, but she was helping you before, and I know personally, that therapy can be affective in the end,” he added.
“You saw a therapist?”
“A counsellor,” he nodded. “I was a mess after I got out of the military. I had to hide the sessions from my father. He’d have told me it made me weak to seek out help as I was, but he was wrong. That counsellor is the only reason I got to where I am right now. He helped me to find ways to cope with the PTSD Iwas suffering pretty badly with, and he got me back on my feet when I wasn’t sure I had the strength left to actually do it.”
“Thank heavens for him then, whoever he is, because we need you Asher. We all need you. Who knows where we’d be now without you holding everything together?”
“We need you too, and that’s why you have to fight through what’s hurting you. We need you to stick around for a long time to come,” he told me as he ran his hand down over my frizzy curls. I wasn’t so sure they needed me the way Ash said, but I was sure I had no intention of leaving them all any time soon.
“Video sessions,” I said on a deep exhale. “It might take me some time to open up with her again, but I promise I’ll try.”
“Good,” he nodded again. “I need you to promise me something.”
“What?”
“I have no idea what’s going on between you and your men, but until it’s resolved, I need you to promise me that you’ll come to Eli or I when you’re struggling. Adam and Kane have their heads stuck up their asses right now, and as much as I hate to say it, I can’t trust them to be there for you right now. Jordan is busy getting the center running, and again, I worry he won’t be around when you need someone. I can’t let you down again, so I need you to promise you’ll come to Eli and I when you’re having hard times, okay? Just for now? We need to be there for you, sweetheart. Neither of us can stand to think of you being alone when things get dark.”
“Okay,” I agreed easily. He wasn’t wrong about the guys. I had no idea where I even stood with Adam and Kane, since I hadn’t spoken with either of them since we fled the house four days ago.Jordan was still with me, and we had spoken via video call every night since I left, but he was also busy, and far away from us while I was there in the middle of nowhere. I couldn’t count on any of them when I needed someone, and as much as I hated to admit it, I needed someone with me a lot just lately. Ever since we were taken, I was struggling to be alone if I were honest.
“Thank you,” Ash whispered with relief. He leaned in to kiss the top of my head and I sighed as a small measure of peace settled over me. That knowledge, that, no matter what, I would never lose Ash and Eli, washed over me, and made me feel safer. “Any idea what’s going on with your relationship?” he asked carefully.
“No. Jordan says he loves me and is all in, no matter what happens, but I haven’t spoken to Adam or Kane, and Jordan said they’re sulking right now. I miss them all, but I just can’t face dealing with the drama of Kane and Adam at the same time. I’m tired, Ash, tired to my core, and I can’t face their anger or any arguments right now,” I admitted.
“You don’t have to see any of them until you’re ready. I’ll make sure of that,” he soothed. “If you want to go home, then I will ask them to move out and find some place else to stay for now.”
“No. I don’t want that. To be honest, I’m not ready to go back to the house either right now,” I countered. “I’m happy here for now, Ash. It’s peaceful and I like spending time with the both of you.”
“Jordan could come here too, if you’re missing him? I’d talk to him, make sure he knows neither Adam or Kane are to know where we are,” he offered and I perked up a little.
“I do miss him, but he has so much going on back home. He said he’d come if I asked him to, but he only has a few weeks until the grand opening of the center,” I explained, reminding myselfalso why I couldn’t selfishly bring Jordan to where I wanted him most – with me.
“Let me talk to him. Maybe he could come for the weekend at least?” Asher suggested.
“I do miss him a lot,” I confessed. I missed them all, but I wasn’t strong enough to face Kane or Adam, especially when they clearly weren’t quite so eager to see and speak to me.
“I’ll talk to him in the morning. I’m going to work on finding us somewhere else to live too. If the house is being demolished, there’s little point us returning there.”
“Asher, you really don’t have to do any of that. I’ll get over my issues in time. You and Eli love that house,” I pleaded.
“We did. It was our escape from the miserable world we were raised in, but we’ve lived there a long time now, and so much has happened there. Maybe it’s time we all had a fresh start,” he explained. “I don’t want you worrying about it, okay? I’ll handle it all. I’m excited about it, Addy, and I think Eli will be too,” he promised as he kissed the top of my head again. “Everything will work out, sweetheart. I’ll make fucking sure of it, for all of us,” he added determinedly, and I didn’t argue, since he looked more at peace at the prospect of a project to focus on, than he had looked for weeks and weeks. It was a relief to see him centered and calmer, and I would never take any of that from him. Now I just needed to find some for myself too.
CHAPTER 15
JORDAN
I was just beginning to drop off, laid out in my bed and exhausted after the two hour long workout I had done to try and tire myself enough that I’d finally fall asleep, when my cell started to vibrate on the nightstand. I rushed to grab it, thinking it could be Addy and worried why she would be calling me so late. We’d already spoken earlier in the evening just before she got into bed, and she’d seemed okay. Quiet and exhausted as she had been ever since we got her back from the kidnaping by Kline, but okay.
That was why I hadn’t been able to sleep mainly – my worry for my girl and all I knew she was going through. I hated that she was so far away from me, and that there was no way for me to be there with her when I knew she needed me to be. There was nothing I wanted more than to drop everything with the center and just go to her, but I was trying hard to respect her wish to have some time away, even if it was fucking killing me to do it. I hadn’t had a full nights sleep since she left. Most nights I ended up in the gym in the middle of the night working out my rage over Adam and Kane being complete pricks, and trying to exhaust my brain enough to stop worrying about Addy so I could just get a few hours of sleep.
Everything was a mess. Kane was still pissed with Addy for leaving, and though he’d stopped trying to find her, he hadn’tstopped being an asshole about the whole thing. Adam knew he’d fucked up and failed Addy, but now he seemed to be letting her go because of some bullshit gallant belief that she was better off without him. I’d tried to talk to him repeatedly, but he always just brushed me off and walked away, and he was trying his best to avoid me at all costs.
I still worried he was using again, sneaking out at strange hours, and brooding in his room the rest of the time. He had stopped hitting the gym completely as far as I knew, and he looked like shit. I knew I needed to confront him about that – about whether or not he was using again, but I just couldn’t make myself do it. I was scared. Fucking terrified to ask him, because I wasn’t ready to deal with the reply that would come. The idea of losing my brother to that shit again, was more than I could stand to consider.
Things were bad, that was for damned sure. My girl was gone. My brother was a walking disaster. Kane was more of an asshole than he had ever been, and the two people I needed most to ask for help – Asher and Eli – were gone too. I was trying so hard to keep things going, but I was failing at that too.