Page 56 of Forever Found

Asher was right. I needed to pull myself together and be better. The fact remained that I had failed the woman I loved when sheneeded me most, but if I could have another chance, I wouldn’t allow that to happen again. I wouldn’t fail her. I wouldn’t allow my weakness and vices to take her from me. I could and would do better, for her and for myself. For my family.

The fact Asher and Jord seriously thought I’d been using again was a slap to the face and a deafening wake up call. I’d put them both through hell last time. I couldn’t do that again, not to them, and certainly not to Addy.

I had a lot of work to do, I realized. I needed to get things back on track and it was definitely time I thought about getting a counsellor to talk to about my issues. Maybe it made me a selfish sonofabitch, but if Addy still wanted me, then I sure as hell wasn’t walking away. Not without one hell of a fight anyway.

***

I woke up early the next morning, feeling more positive than I had in weeks. I had a fuck ton to put right, but at least I felt in a better head space. I got up and headed right for the shower. I washed my hair and took the time to trim my stubble, which had grown way too long in the last couple of weeks. When I looked more like myself I pulled on clean jeans and a button down shirt, then I stripped the bedding from my bed and grabbed up several loads of laundry that I had neglected for at least the last week, maybe more.

I grimaced when I got downstairs and saw the state of the kitchen. I hadn’t cleaned it since before I got shot. Eli, Ash, and Addy had been taking turns, but since they left, the place was like a frat house.

I was midway through loading the dishwasher when Kane walked in through the door from the garden and dropped onto one of the stools at the counter.

“Hey,” I greeted as I stood and looked him over. He looked better than I’d seen him since Addy left, dressed in black jeans and a green sweater. His hair was styled in place and he’d shaved.

“What happened to you? Did you actually shower?” he asked as he looked up at me with surprise.

“Fuck you. I’ve been showering,” I countered.

“Didn’t smell like it,” he uttered and I didn’t respond, because I hadn’t exactly been too worried about hygiene for a while now, so he likely wasn’t wrong.

“You seen Asher yet?” I asked instead.

“He’s back?” Kane asked as he sat up more and looked around. I nodded. “Addy?”

“No. He said she’s safe, but nothing else. He gave me a good kick up the ass though.”

“Jordan told me he thinks you’re back on drugs,” Kane said bluntly.

“Yeah, I know, but he’s wrong. I won’t lie and say I haven’t struggled, but I’ve been going to meetings and I’m still clean,” I assured him.

“Are you going to try and get Addy back?” he asked. “Because if you are, that bullshit needs to be dealt with. She’s been through enough. You can’t make her go through losing you like that.”

“I’m gonna deal with it. I got some numbers for therapists, and I’ll keep going to meetings. I’m not going back to that, Kane. And yes, I’m getting Addy back,” I said firmly.

“Finally pulled your head out of your ass then?” Ash said as he strode into the kitchen with his laptop under his arm.

“I’m trying. I don’t know if Addy will forgive me, but I have to try,” I replied.

“It’s a start,” Ash nodded. “And what about you, asshole? Do I need to kick your ass for treating my sister like a fucking possession?” he growled as he turned to Kane.

“Spare me the threats, man. Jordan already gave me the kick up the ass I needed. I was a complete bastard and I know it now. I was just so scared I’d lose her and I kind of lost it.”

“Kind of?” Ash questioned.

“Fine. I fucked up majorly, but as soon as Addy’s willing to see me, I intend to apologize. I won’t treat her like that again. I was an asshole and I know it. Where is she?” Kane demanded.

“With Jordan and Eli,” Ash answered casually.

“Jordan?” I repeated.

“She needed him close after what happened the other night, and I thought I might be of more use here, getting you two fuckers in line.”

“So she’s forgiven him fully then?” Kane asked.

“She never blamed him. She never really blamed any of you. You know what she’s like. She placed all of the blame for what was going on between you, on her own shoulders. She misses all of you, but she’s worried she’s not strong enough to hear what the two of you have to say to her. She’s terrified you’ll end it.”

“That’s not happening,” I grumbled.