Page 73 of Forever Found

As unsure as I was about being strict with her, the way Kane was, when he started, by the time I felt her finally relax completely in my arms and fall deep into sleep, I was grateful he was able to do it.

Adam had stayed close the whole time, and helped where he could, grabbing things and reassuring Addy when she looked for him, but he’d been quiet too. I knew he was reeling from what Addy had admitted to us. We all were, but Adam seemed even more terrified than I was, lost in his thoughts and his face filled with panic.

“She’s out. Let’s get her in the bed and take off her jeans. I’m hoping she’ll actually sleep through to morning at least,” Kane sighed after ten minutes of us all just silently watching her sleep, where she had remained in my arms, still clutching my shirt tightly in her fists.

“Help me get my sweater off. I want her to be able to keep hold of it. It makes her feel safe,” I whispered as I started trying to get my arm from the sleeve. Kane and I worked together to get it over my head while Addy kept a firm hold on it, then I slid out from beneath her as Kane settled her in the very center of the bed. I pulled off her sneakers and jeans, then we tucked her under the thick comforter. I felt reassured by the fact she didn’t even stir as we moved her, and hoped like hell the sleeping pill would do as Kane had said – allow her to sleep too deeply for any nightmares or horror to touch her.

“We’re gonna lose her,” Adam whispered as Kane and I moved quietly towards him. “She doesn’t even want to fight anymore.”

“She does, Ad. Don’t give up on her so easily. Think what she’s been through the last two days. Think about how little she’s eaten and slept, and how much has happened. She’s terrified and running on empty. She barely even knew what she was saying,” I reasoned as I held my hand over his shoulder, hoping to soothe his raw emotions.

“Listen to your brother. We have to wait to see how she is in the morning, but even if she feels the same, we’re sure as shit not gonna lose her. I’m not going to let her do a damned thing to end her life. She’s going to come through this and let us give her the happy fucking life she deserves, isn’t she?” Kane hissed somewhat angrily.

“I’m not giving up on her. It just…I guess it scared me, thinking we could lose her. I’ve never felt the way I do for her,” Ad sighed.

“We all love her, Adam. We’re going to be here to give her everything she needs to end this mess and get over it however she needs to. She didn’t say she wanted to die. She said she didn’t know, and that’s because she’s exhausted and scared. We just have to show her she doesn’t need to be scared anymore because she has us, and her brothers. We have to prove to her that she will never have to face anything alone, ever again.” I slapped my hand on his shoulder and moved to press my forehead to his when he glanced at me. It was something we had done since we were kids. We weren’t big huggers, not with each other anyway, but pressing our foreheads together was our thing. “We will fix this for her, and everything else that comes in our life together. We got her and we got each other, right?”

“Right,” Kane agreed easily and I felt him pat me on the shoulder.

“Right,” Adam agreed too. We had to believe that. We had to be sure we could save our girl from the darkness trying to take her from us, because there was no other alternative. She was ours and we refused to let her go. We needed her so damned much.

CHAPTER 24

ADDY

I opened my eyes with a loud groan, the light of the room feeling like lasers through my sore eyes, making my throbbing head pound even harder. I looked around and found Kane sitting in the armchair from the corner of my room. He’d pulled it right to the side of the bed and he had his hand over mine on top of the comforter.

“Hey,” I croaked.

“Hey. How are you feeling?” he asked as he leaned in close to me and pushed some strands of my hair back from my face.

“Like I got hit by a truck. I think that sleeping pill did a number on me,” I moaned as I shaded my eyes from the light coming through the closed blind. I realized it had to be pretty bright outside to be shining through so much. “Where are Jordan and Adam?”

“They went to the gym with Asher.”

“I scared them, didn’t I? Is Ash losing it?” I asked as guilt flooded me. I could remember some of the night before, but it was a bit of a blur.

“He’s worried. We all are,” Kane replied as he looked to me with a sad smile. “You said some things last night. You made me ask you the question I fucking hate having to ask you, Addy.”

“I know,” I nodded as I pushed myself up to sit against the headboard and my pillows. “I remember.”

“Do you remember your answer?” he demanded. I pulled his hand into mine and lifted it to my thigh as I pulled my legs up to my chest.

“Yes,” I whispered with some shame.

“Please tell me you have a better answer than ‘I don’t know’ for me this morning?” He gulped loudly as he studied me.

I closed my eyes for a second as I considered my answer. I knew I should lie, take some of the fear I saw in his eyes from him, but I couldn’t. He’d know. He always knew. It was like he could see right to my soul sometimes.

“I can’t,” I whispered as I pressed my forehead to my knees and tried to think straight. “I know that’s not what you want to hear, but things are still such a mess, Kane. I can think clearly this morning, but that hasn’t made the chaos inside my head any quieter. It doesn’t take away from the fact another monster who wants to hurt me is coming for me, or the news that I have to face Max fucking Kline in court if I want any justice for all of the innocents he hurt.”

“And what about me? What about Jord and Adam? Your brothers? We all love you so fucking much, Addy. Can you really consider just leaving us all fucking destroyed while you find peace?” he demanded. “And yeah, that makes me sound like a selfish prick, but it’s true. If you end your life, not one of us will ever recover from losing you. All we’ll ever feel is guilt for failing you.”

“Please Kane…” I cried as tears filled my eyes and my hands started to tremble.

“No. Sorry angel, but if you wanted me to say I want you to find peace and just swallow this bullshit, you’re gonna be disappointed,” he snapped as he pulled his hand from mine and ran both of his through his hair with agitation. “I’m never gonna just sit back and let you give up. I know shit is hard, I know you’re scared and fucking exhausted of having to fight battle after motherfucking battle, but you don’t get to give up! You made me love you, dammit! You’re everything to me. I will not lose you now.”

I was crying quietly as I wrapped my arms around my knees and curled tighter into myself. I knew he didn’t want to lose me. I knew none of them would let me just take the easy way out, but I was broken. I didn’t want to fight anymore. I loved all of them too, and it would be the hardest thing I had to do to know I was taking my life and would never see them again, but what were my alternatives? I already knew the answer to that. What I didn’t know was if I really had any will left to even try and take those options.