Page 84 of Forever Found
“I think it’s a good idea for Addy to at least give them a chance. If they don’t work for her, then we can look at other options. Maybe look into a different therapist, or ask Laura to switch the meds for something else. Addys right – something needs to give,” Adam sighed tiredly.
“And I agree for now. Let’s just see how it goes, okay?” I requested, as I looked to Jordan pleadingly.
“Okay, beautiful. As long as it’s what you want, then I’ll always be on board,” he assured me.
“Right now she needs to eat something, then I’m cooking dinner, which we will all be at, at Addy’s request,” Adam declared.
“Family dinner, with real food? Sounds good to me,” Jordan eagerly agreed. “Great idea, beautiful. It’s a long time since we all sat down together,” Jordan said as he wrapped an arm around my shoulders and urged me up, then led me to the kitchen. A comforting heat seemed to emanate from where Jordan’s arm lay across my shoulders, and where his handtouched my arm, and I sighed quietly in contentment. I may have this unattainable hope that I could be stronger and stand on my own two feet, but even if it happened, I would never ever feel safer than when one of my guys was wrapped around me.
Under the watchful eyes of both Adam and Jordan I forced down half the bowl of chicken soup Adam had made for me, but by the time I dropped the spoon and told them I was full, I was completely exhausted. It had been a long day, and it was barely mid-afternoon yet.
“Are you feeling alright, shortcake?” Eli asked. He’d just come down from his studio and sat opposite me with a sandwich and a cup of steaming coffee. The blue button down shirt he wore was splattered with paint, and his hands were stained a variety of colors too. I smiled across at him, soothed by him looking the way he used to often before Max kidnapped the both of us.
“Sure,” I nodded. “Just tired, as always.”
“Why don’t you head up and get some rest before dinner? You have a few hours,” Asher suggested.
“Yeah, I might,” I agreed. Sleep sounded good, but there was another thing I needed to address first. My eyes dropped to the innocuous paper bag from the pharmacy, that Ash had dropped on the table and said nothing else about when he arrived home. “Those are the pills?” I asked lamely. Of course they were the pills! Asher had gone to fill the prescription and come back with that bag.
“Do you want to take a look at them, honey? We can read the information leaflet, see if there’s anything that concerns you,” Adam suggested.
“No,” I whispered as I reached for the bag. “Laura told me what they’d do and how they could affect me. I trust her.” I didn’t add that it was me I didn’t trust – my judgement about anything. How could I when I had messed my entire life up so badly thus far?
“Which one’s do you want to take?” Jordan asked as he looked at the two pill bottles I poured from the bag onto the table.
“The anti-anxiety pills. I’ll only take the sleeping pills when I really need to,” I replied as I stared at those damned brown bottles that had played such a major role in my entire childhood.
“Adeline! Adeline! Get my fucking drugs and bring them here right fucking now, girl!” I heard my mom’s voice screeching through our home. I was around ten years old. I grabbed the pain pills I knew she wanted and started up the stairs, my hand shaking so hard the pills in the plastic bottle rattled. I knew nothing good could come when my mom was that worked up.
“Give them to me now, you fucking idiot!” My mom screamed the second I crept around the half open doorway into her room. She was sat up in her bed, as always. Her wild hair was sticking up around her thin, gaunt face and a cigarette hung from her lips. The TV lit the room, since she refused to open the curtains, some crappy day time show playing in the background.
“You sh-shouldn’t take these yet. F-four PM. It s-says every six hours,” I stuttered nervously as I forced my terrified body to creep closer to her.
I should have known better than to get so close when she was in such a temper. In a flash she leant forwards and grabbed my wrist, wrenching me right into the side of the bed, then holding me there as she slapped my head and face wherever she couldwith her free hand. I fought to cover my face, dropping the pills on her bed in the process. I didn’t want marks on my face. My teachers weren’t going to believe I had another accident again.
“Stupid little bitch! Learn to do what I tell you to do, you hear me?” she yelled at me as her slaps turned to closed fists hits to the back of my head and the top of my back. I fought to rip myself away from her grip, which made her tire quicker and finally she let me go. I dropped to the floor and scrambled to crawl away, knowing she would grab me again given half the chance.
“Baby? Can you hear me?” The flashback receded and I opened my eyes with a start. Adam was crouched before me, obviously having pulled my chair out from the table and turned me so I was facing him. His dark eyes watched me with caution as I took him in and gasped in some much needed air. “You back with me?” he asked softly.
“I…yeah. I’m okay,” I lied.
“Where’d you go, princess?” Jordan asked. I turned and found him in the seat he’d been in before, but he’d turned it so he was at my side now.
“The pills…they made me think about my mom,” I admitted.
“You’re nothing like her, Addy. Don’t you even start thinking taking some pills will ever change that,” Asher said from somewhere behind me.
“I know,” I nodded. “I’m just tired. I’ll take the pills and go to my room,” I added numbly. What choice did I have? I had to try the drugs. It wasn’t as though my efforts to pull myself together were working out too well for me.
“I’m gonna come with you, okay? I’ll stay with you,” Adam offered, and I nodded eagerly. I didn’t want to be alone.
I got to my feet and Jordan already had the pills I wanted in his hand, along with the soda I had been drinking. I dare not let myself think as I washed the two little white discs down, but still images of my mother yelling and lashing out pushed into my mind.
By the time I lay in my bed with Adam surrounding me, holding me tight, I was tearful again and that just make me angry. I had to stop being this way! I had to find a way to get stronger and be better, or I may as well just give in and end things. This – this constant state of break down that I was living in – it wasn’t a life, not for me, and not for the people who cared about me.
CHAPTER 27
ADDY