Page 143 of The Scientist

“I’m sorry I took so long,” he said, his gaze finally lifting to meet mine. “This is the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make in my life.”

“You took the job,” I said, acknowledging it out loud for the both of us.

He nodded, his hands twisting together like he was trying to wring the guilt from them. “I thought a lot about what you said, and I realized you were right—I was being selfish by not considering what this would mean for my team. They’ve all worked so hard. They deserve this chance.”

“You deserve it, too,” I said, placing my hand over his to still them. “I’m so proud of you, Lex.”

He forced a tight smile, but his eyes seemed lost somewhere beyond the room.

“There’s more, isn’t there?” I said, seeing the conflict etched in his expression.

He nodded again. Anxiety curled in my stomach as my mind became fixated on the worst-case scenario. “There was something else you said that helped me come to a decision.”

“What was it?”

He began interlacing his fingers and pulling them apart repeatedly. “You told me it wasn’t fair that I was making this decision without considering what it would mean for everyone… But that also includes you.”

I tilted my head, trying to piece together the meaning behind his words. “What do you mean?”

“I know they told you that this job would just be for a year, but that isn’t a guarantee. Our contract doesn’t specify a timeline. It could take an entire decade to figure this thing out for all any of us knows.”

My pulse was pounding in my neck, making me feel lightheaded as I started to sense where this was heading. “What are you saying?”

His gaze drifted downward. “I can’t ask you to put your life on hold for me, Hadley. It isn’t fair.”

My breath came quicker, the air between us felt thick, suffocating.

“Are you… Are you breaking up with me?” My voice barely came out above a whisper.

He swallowed hard before letting out a shaky breath. “I never want to be without you, but you were right—the work we’re doing is important, and I can’t walk away from something I believe in so deeply… But your work and your life are just as important,” he said, taking my hand in his. “This job won’t leave room for anything else in my life, and for you, that would mean having to live your life around me and my strict schedule."

“S-so, you don’t even want to try?”

He looked up towards the ceiling, blinking rapidly. “Trust me, I’ve tried looking at this from every possible angle, trying to find a solution that makes sense for everyone, but I always came to the same conclusion—I can’t have both. I can’t chase my dreams while also making you stand in the shadow of them.”

My chest ached as the reality of what he was saying slowly sank in. “But you’re not even giving us a chance.”

His gaze lowered to me again. “You said you didn’t want me to resent you if I stayed, but I can’t bear the thought of you resenting me for trying to make you mold your life around a schedule that’s not yours, just waiting for scraps of my time. There’s no way for me to win here.”

“So, you’ve decided we lose instead.”

He shook his head. “This isn’t a loss. Not to me. You’ll always be the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“Then why does it feel like you’re throwing it away?”

He looked up, his expression devastated but resolute. “Because if I ask you to wait for me, if I ask you to put your life on hold for something I can’t promise, I’ll ruin the very person I love most.”

I choked back a sob. “Please… Let’s just try,” I begged.

He took both my hands in his, bringing them to his lips to brush across my knuckles. “You’re the most selfless person I’ve ever met. It would be foolish of me not to try and emulate something I admire so much about you.”

“What does that mean?”

“I love you, Hadley. I love you so fucking much,” he said, his voice breaking. “This is absolutely destroying me, but I can’t keep only thinking about myself… You need to focus on your mom and her recovery, not waiting around for those few hours a day I would be available to you on the other side of the world… That’s not a relationship. And I’d be a completely selfish bastard to even ask that of you.”

The tears were pouring down my face. “Is this it then? You and me... It’s just over?”

His head hung low. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I wish things were different. I wish I could give you everything you deserve.”