Page 150 of The Scientist

Or did you believe it would always mend

Help me rewind the time

Help me get back what’s mine

Help me rewrite our song

Before this feeling’s too far gone

Caught in a world where truth often lies

Searching for answers in your whispered sighs

Tell me it’s not too late to try

I never wanted your silent goodbye

Nobody said it would be easy

To mend a heart that’s been torn apart

Nobody said it would be easy

To find a way back to the start

I felt my hands starting to shake.I needed to step away before I went to pieces right there in the control room.

I hurried to excuse myself and ran outside for a breath of fresh air before I fell apart completely. It was a typical New York evening in the dead of winter—bitterly cold, but I welcomed the sharp bite of the freezing air on my skin. Its icy touch helped soothe my frayed nerves.Even when I was trying to escape thinking about Lex, it was no use. Here he was, popping back up in the music I was writing. The floor of my room back home was littered with attempts I’d made at writing in these last few months. I just couldn’t do it. I was completely devoid of the emotions needed to compose music, so I eventually gave up trying.And just like us, the songs were all left unfinished.

When I finally regained my composure, I went back inside, and they had finished the song. Logan played it back for me, and I knew in my gut that it was a hit.The song felt like a breakthrough for me, both personally and professionally. I’d broken free from my musical catatonia and managed to create something exceptional. I wanted nothing more than to do it again and again.

“You know, we could make this a permanent gig between the two of us, Olivier,” Logan said to me once we’d wrapped and were heading out for dinner. “The record label is always asking how we can keep you in the studio. They’re really going to flip when they hear this. It’s some of your best work ever. And it only took you two days to write... Unbelievable.”

I scrunched my nose at him. “I’m uncomfortable with you giving me compliments.”

“I have ulterior motives, if that makes you feel better,” he said, smirking. “All jokes aside, they told me to offer you whatever you wanted.”

What I wanted, they couldn’t give me.

“Think about it, Olivier,” he continued. “You could be a full-time composer making millions instead of whatever the hell you’re doing out in Crunchy Valley.”

I chuckled. “Alright Ship, I’ll think about it.”

I was trying to placate him, but the thought crossed my mind that maybe I should actually consider it. This weekend had been amazing. Having the opportunity to be collaborative and make something this special had been incredibly fulfilling. It gave me a rush like I hadn’t felt in a long time.

Despite how the weekend started, being in New York allowed me to feel something other than complete misery for the first time in months, and I didn’t want to let it go. It was like the vibrant chaos of the city was breathing life back into me. It might be time to consider returning to my roots, because even with my mom there, California barely felt like home any longer.

Home was over five-thousand miles away on another continent, blatantly ignoring me.

Chapter 36

“Hadley, you have to stop this,” my mom said as I sat at her dining room table one evening.

“What?” I asked. I hadn’t been paying attention. “I’m sorry. What did you say?”

She sighed. “You can’t keep going like this. You barely sleep. You hardly eat more than a few bites at any meal. You aren’t even really living anymore.”

“I’m fine,” I lied.