Page 27 of Tethered Hearts

Matt

Matt sat on the back steps tossing a tennis ball to Winston. Golden shards of sunlight peeked over the horizon signifying the dawn of another day. Due to sleepless nights and unending pain, insomnia had become a constant companion, and he’d witnessed many sunrises over the past few months. As expected, he hadn’t slept a wink last night. He’d tossed and turned all night with Brie’s words playing on repeat as he watched every hour tick by.

Her untainted belief in him was something else. It chuffed him to know that she regarded him so highly, but was she so blinded by her naivety and predisposed ideals of who he had been before his accident that she couldn’t see his failings now? Or was she truly able to see beyond his physical limitations and see something he couldn’t? Both Blayne and Brie were eager to see him speak at the gala, and while he was humbled by their enthusiasm, he also felt outnumbered, as though they were forcing him into a corner. He’d given up disputing his case against it. If two people believed in him, three counting Aunt Helen, then what was holding him back?

Fear.Pure and simple. Fear that people would mock him. Fear that people would feel sorry for him and look at him with pity. Fear that he would have nothing worthwhile to say. Fear that people would see him for the useless thing he was. Fear that he would freeze on stage. Or worse, fall over.

You are so much more than your victories.

Brie’s words rolled around his head. How? How could he be more than what he did? Than what he’d achieved? He’d succeeded on the world stage, but now it was all gone and he was left with nothing but a physical reminder of what he’d once been capable of and what he could no longer do. How could people accept him when he had nothing left to give?

Don’t worry about the world’s acceptance. I accept you. Just as you are.

Startled, Matt looked around. Who had spoken? He could hear the clinking of breakfast dishes as Aunt Helen pottered about in the kitchen. The barking of a dog a few doors down. The distant hum of traffic. But there was no one else around. As gentle as the breeze rustling the leaves in the trees, the words whispered again, deep into his soul.

You don’t need trophies or records to be someone. You are already so precious in my eyes.

Seriously, what was going on? Was he going mad? He shook his head, trying to dislodge the voice. He hadn’t taken any pain medication, so he wasn’t high. Perhaps it was sleep deprivation messing with his mind. That could be the only explanation. He was hearing voices because he had hardly slept.

The words whispered again.You are accepted. You are so precious. You are deeply loved.

Aunt Helen and Brie had been telling him the same thing. Was this … Surely not. It couldn’t possibly be God speaking to him. Could it? How did that even work? Could God speak into his thoughts? Could someone really love and accept him just as he was? Crippled. Broken. Discouraged.

He tossed the ball to Winston once more.

“God, Aunt Helen and Brie seem to think you’re real.” His words flowed out and were carried away on the breeze. Clearing his throat, he glanced over his shoulder toward the kitchen window, hoping that his aunt couldn’t hear him. He didn’t even know if ithadbeen God, or if his mind was playing tricks. Was he even doing this right if, by chance, it was God? What was he supposed to talk about? Pastor Jacobs had prayed so easily, talking to God like a friend. And Aunt Helen did the same. Was it really so simple as just starting up a conversation like God was actually there with him?

Winston trotted over and dropped the ball at his feet before flopping to the ground, his small body heaving up and down as he caught his breath. Matt mindlessly ran a hand over the dog’s back as he tried to think of the words to say. “If you’re real, God, please help me to know You. I don’t know how You could love someone like me, but I guess it’s comforting to know that You do. I see the joy that Brie has, that unshakeable confidence that all is well with her soul, and I want that for myself.”

He bowed his head, aware of a stirring deep within his heart. An awareness that this was a sacred moment that would alter the course of his life. He confessed his failings and struggles, and opened up his heart to receive the gift of salvation so freely offered by his Heavenly Father. It was a strange, yet comforting thought to have a father that could still love him, regardless of his awards, or his inability to run again. His own father had been supportive throughout his career, but now that Matt could no longer run, didn’t know how to deal with his injuries and the subject of his unknown future. Their relationship was strained and conversations were limited to superficial, once-a-month interactions more out of obligation than genuine concern.

“Is everything okay, Matt?” Aunt Helen’s footsteps padded across the deck.

He sniffed, lifting his sleeve to wipe his eyes. “Yes. I think so.”

“Who were you talking to just now?” She scanned the yard as she slowly lowered herself onto the step next to him, her knees creaking in protest.

“God. I think.”

“Oh,” she gasped. Her grey eyes implored him to say more.

He nodded slowly, silently communicating his heart’s transformation. He didn’t know what to say, or how to describe what was going on inside him. But somehow, Aunt Helen knew.

“That’s wonderful news.” She drew him into her arms. Resting his head against her shoulder, his body shook as months of pent-up disappointment and anger poured out. Tears streamed down his cheeks and walls of defeat crumbled down as he nestled into his aunt’s caring embrace, silently committing his unknown future into the hands of the God who loved him and saw him for who he really was.

“I haven’t stopped praying for you since the day you were born.” Aunt Helen sniffed, wiping her cheeks as he pulled away.

“Really?” Thirty years was a long time to pray for someone. How did she not give up?

“Yes.” With a watery smile, she palmed his cheek. “What a glorious day it is. You ought to call your parents and tell them the good news.”

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Matt nodded. He didn’t know the first thing to do now. How did he find out more? How did he get to know God better? He was certain Aunt Helen would guide him. And he had a feeling Brie would too if he asked.

Aunt Helen’s petite hand slipped inside his. He smiled, eyeing the contrast in the skin tone and size of their joined hands. Despite her delicate build, she was a mighty woman, and he was grateful for her unceasing prayers over the years. “Can I ask what led to your decision?” she asked.

Matt told her about the voice he’d heard, hoping that he didn’t sound too crazy. She only smiled in a knowing way and told him that moment was something to treasure forever.

“I guess I just got to the point where I needed help. I couldn’t keep going the way I am. Destroying myself and everyone around me. Brie, along with yourself, showed me the truth.”

At the mention of Brie’s name, Aunt Helen’s lips twitched upward. “She’s a lovely woman.”

“That’s all you got out of this conversation?” He playfully nudged her side.

“Not at all. My heart is bursting with joy that you have opened your heart to Jesus. And I am thankful that God used Brie to be a part of that process. I was just remarking on what a wonderful young lady she is. And I think she’d enjoy an evening out. Isn’t there some event coming up that you mentioned?”

Matt narrowed his eyes. He loved Aunt Helen beyond measure. She was a rare treasure in his life. He agreed with her sentiments about Brie, but he couldn’t help wonder if she was subtly sowing a seed for something else.

“I’ve got to make a couple of phone calls.” Pressing a kiss to the back of his aunt’s hand, he pushed to his feet, grabbed his crutches, and made his way inside.

Leaning against the counter, Matt smiled as his aunt played in the yard with Winston, her melodious laugh floating through the open window. What an incredible blessing they both were. He pulled up the first name on his phone. Taking a deep breath, he drummed his fingers on the counter waiting for Blayne to answer. He had an acceptance to make. And then, he would call Brie.