Page 16 of Save You
Chapter 7
Beth, now
Disorientation takes over my senses when I initially wake up, not least of all because it is now early morning light, and I’m speeding along a deserted highway in an old car I’ve never been in before. The engine rumbles along, giving away its pre-millennium age, while the uncomfortable springs inside of the leather seats dig inside of my butt, emphasizing every lump and bump along the road. Xander is still staring wide-eyed and determined out of the front windscreen, though his bloodshot eyes and dark circles more than betray how exhausted he must be.
Before I open my mouth to utter a single word, a flood of memories all crash into me at once - the party, the explosion, the escape, and the pregnancy. I could easily enter a state of complete panic, have a freak out inside of this very car, while I contemplate the very precarious situation that I now find myself in. Instead, I stare up at my boy, count to ten, and slowly slide upward and rub my eyes; they feel like someone must have poured sand into them as I slept. At my movement, Xander shoots his gaze over to me before smiling lazily over my attempts to wake up a little. I return the happy-go-lucky grin and reach out to rub the spikey stubble growing around his chin.
“Morning, baby,” he says softly before leaning in to kiss me on my temple, “you feeling ok?”
“Better, thanks,” I reply on a yawn, then try to shake it out of me. However, nothing but a cup of tea and something sugary is going to perk me up. “You look so tired Xander; can’t we stop? Or perhaps I could drive?”
“There’s a diner coming up at the service station,” he informs me, pointing toward an upcoming road sign that indicates the turn-off. “We can grab a quick breakfast. I don’t want to risk anyone recognizing you. They’ve already announced your disappearance on the radio.”
“Holy shit!” I gasp, suddenly feeling fully awake, even without the tea. “What did they say?”
“That your ‘fiancé’ Oliver Lawrence, is extremely worried about you and suspects you’ve been abducted. Bodhi and Annie were brought into questioning, and yours truly is the prime suspect.”
“Fuck!” I slam my face into my hands before resting them against my knees, trying desperately hard not to be sick.
“Yeah, that was my initial reaction,” he says, but continues to smile like he hasn’t a care in the world. “But it turns out that isn’t the most terrifying thing I heard last night!”
“Oh, God!” I bolt upright again, “Mum? Where’s my mum?”
I inwardly curse myself for being so self-absorbed. I didn’t even think to ask about her last night. She didn’t even enter my head before I got into my getaway wagon and passed out. What if something has happened to her? What if Oliver has already got hold of her and is now going after Riley and my father? My brain enters a stage of deep-rooted panic and starts to think of all the monstrous things that could be happening to them as we speak. In true irrational style, I begin hyperventilating and flapping my hands over my face as I hover over the the verge of a complete meltdown.
“She’s not dead, is she, Xander?”
“No, no, calm down!” he gasps, pulling the car over into the parking lot before turning toward me to try and calm the crazy down a notch. “Your mom is fine, Beth! We got her a flight back to the UK last night, and she has already called to say she’s there. Your family, including your brother, have gone into hiding for a while, but are going to be calling you in about…” he pauses mid-speech to look at the car clock, “an hour.”
I slap my hand over my heart in such relief, I feel a little dizzy over it. Xander pulls me into one of his comforting hugs and strokes my hair in gentle, soothing movements, before resting his lips upon my forehead. All of a sudden, being lost in my little reassured bubble of contentment, I feel a few fluttery sensations, low down, between my belly and my knicker strap. A few moments of disbelief pass me by before I realize what those feelings are, prompting my hands to instinctively go to where I had just felt them.
“You ok, Beth?”
Xander’s words hardly make any sense to me as my hands remain firmly attached to my lower stomach, waiting in anticipation for it to happen again.
“Is that our baby moving around in there?” he asks, jutting his chin out toward my hands and looking deadly serious with a deep-set frown.
My mouth drops open when I manage to comprehend what he’s just said to me, and for a few moments, we remain staring at one another in an awkward conversation of unvoiced words.
“You know?” I eventually ask with a bitter taste in my mouth. This is another one of those moments-of-truth times when you place your love, future, and trust into the hands of someone you hope will take them willingly.
“You talk in your sleep; did you know that?” he explains, then bites his lip nervously. “You’ve kind of just confirmed it though.”
“I sleepwalk too…apparently,” I mutter, trying to gauge whether he’s angry, horrified, or just plain terrified like I am.
“When did you find out?” he asks with an unreadable expression, keeping his true feelings firmly hidden from view.
“Yesterday,” I answer, then take a moment to swallow back my fear. “It’s why the doctor came to see you. He examined me and confirmed it with a test. He reckons I’m between three and four months. I…I don’t know how this happened, Xander. I swear I was so careful with my pills.”
My words have me feeling guilty, like it’s all on me because my body chose to get pregnant without his consent. I know this is crap and betrays almost every feminist belief out there, but his unreadable expression is causing me to doubt myself.
“When you were sick,” he says, almost thinking out loud. The words hit me with the very answer to a question I’ve been turning over and over again inside of my head, ever since I found out.
“Yeah,” I smile sheepishly, now feeling beyond stupid for not having thought of this before. “I guess I must have mucked up my system, perhaps even thrown up a few pills. Shit!”
“And you only found out yesterday?”
He sounds shocked that I haven’t had any telling symptoms until now, which only makes me feel even worse about it all.