Page 43 of Kisses

Chapter 15

Lyla

It’s been a week since our date in Kansas City. I cannot believe he told me he loves me. The only time I ever heard those words were from my family. However, that is a different kind of love. It felt authentic. When I sit down and think about how I feel about Sullivan, I think I really do love him. He’s in my head every day. He accepts the messed up woman I am. It’s hard to love a woman who has no idea how to be loved or provide love.

When he told me he loved me, I wanted to say it back, but I couldn’t. It scared me to realize that is how I feel. I wish I had. I cannot go back in time. All I can do is hope that he can sense it. This is just unreal to me. The hardest part of this love affair is that I cannot show the world that I have finally met someone to care for. I can’t even tell my father. The end of the semester is approaching but I have another semester before I graduate.

What if I get into an internship out of state? Then there will be the whole distance thing. It feels like the world is against us showing our love for one another in public. Meh!

***

Once again sitting at the homework table, I am finishing up my research paper for Sullivan’s class. I have to say, I am super proud of myself. I feel like I am the real deal and I have a chance at becoming a criminal investigative reporter. It’s exciting to finally be able to believe in myself and my capabilities. I have a man and I am going to be a reporter. I laugh to myself.

Kandace comes walking in and asks, “What’s so funny?”

I answer, “Nothing, really. Just thinking to myself.”

“Guess what… I have some exciting news.”

“What’s that?”

She sighs, “This is just so unbelievable.”

“Girl, spill it.”

“Okay,” she squeals, “Todd and I can be together in public.”

“Say what?”

“Yes. It’s so exciting.”

“How did that happen?”

“Todd is such a rule follower. Us keeping our relationship somewhat quiet was eating at him. He talked to the department head.”

“Okay?”

“He said he was taking a risk with his career, but he felt he needed to at least talk to them as a professional. Girl, they were fine with it.”

“How?”

“It’s because I’m not his student nor am I in the same department. They told him to keep it as discreet as possible when on campus. Off campus, it’s game on.”

In the pit of my stomach, pain that feels like fire burns within me. Fuck, it’s jealously. I mean, I am incredibly happy for my friend. She gets to be with her man in any shape or form. While I get to sit behind closed doors with mine. Would Sullivan talk to the department about me? Who am I kidding? It’s too risky. Todd and Kandace's situation is different from ours. However, it stings. I can only wish that for Sullivan and me.

I sigh, “Girl, that’s amazing.”

She notices my sigh and asks, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I’m just happy for you. I’m glad you took that chance and followed your heart.”

“You know, if it wasn’t for you inviting him over here, I’m not sure I would be here. I’m truly happy.”

“You said it was a connection.”

She smiles, “Yeah, it really was. I’m not sure what I did to deserve him.”

I grin, “You’re really smitten with him?”