Page 44 of Kisses
“Girl, I love him,” she beams.
That same fire erupts. I wish I could be so confident to express that I love Sullivan like that. There is so much fuzziness in my head. I am in a relationship with someone I can’t say I love you to. To add to all of it, I cannot even be with him in public. What kind of relationship is this really?
Sullivan
I am getting my apartment ready for Lyla to come over. I am on edge for whatever reason. It’s like something is going to happen. I need to snap out of it. Everything is fine between us. This is our typical Thursday night, dinner at my place and bedroom activities. The end of the semester is fast approaching. Our visits will slow down a bit. She has to focus on finals.
I really need to buckle down on my research. I want to hold off on some of the research. I know she is writing about her mother’s killer. If the information is good, I will see if she will allow me to use it. Actually, all the students signed a waiver allowing me to use their research if I feel it deemable of my research. They would be given full credit for the work. I have only used a handful of students' information. It has to be phenomenal work.
The buzzer to my apartment goes off. It is her. I just hit the button, knowing it’s going to allow her to come right in. I left the front door unlocked for her.
I head to the kitchen to grab both of us a glass of wine. I hear a faint knock on the door. It makes me smile; she always does that.
From the kitchen, I holler, “Babe, I’m getting us a glass of wine. I’ll meet you in the living room.”
She says nothing. I hurry and pop open the wine and fill our glasses. With both glasses in hand, I walk out to see her sitting quietly on the couch. That on edge feeling I had earlier is prevalent again. She looks down.
Concerned, I ask, “Everything okay, babe?”
She takes one of her curls and puts it behind her ear. She answers, “Yeah, just got a lot on my mind with finals approaching.”
I agree, “Yeah, this time of the year can get pretty stressful for everybody. If you need to go home and work on things, we can do this another night.”
She rolls her eyes and says, “You would want that, wouldn’t you?”
Lyla definitely catches me off guard. Why would she say that? I would never want her to leave.
I state, “Babe, you know I want you here. I just know you have a lot going on with finals. I don’t want to be in your way.”
She sighs, “You’re not in my way. My mind is in my way.”
“Is there something you want to talk about?”
“Yes and no.”
“Babe, I’m here.”
She sighs, “Sullivan, I talked with Kandace.”
“Yeah, and?”
“Todd and she can be a couple without worry.”
“Yeah, I know. Their situation is different from ours.”
“Do we really know that? Todd took a chance and asked. All was well.”
“Todd took a huge risk.”
“Am I not worth the risk?”
“Babe, you are worth the risk in so many ways.”
“So, would you talk to the department chair about us?”
“Babe, I can’t do that. You know it’s not acceptable.”
She sighs again, “I know. But it’s still frustrating. My best friend can be with the man she is seeing. I’m jealous, that is all.”