Page 48 of Kisses

I am left speechless. No matter what I have to say, it isn’t going to be enough. I demolished him. Everything he just said to me, I deserved. He did put his career on the line for me. I couldn’t even tell him I love him face to face. Everything I just did was pathetic and childish. I royally fucked up my first love. It is going to be hard to bounce back from the mistake I made. There is no turning back now.

I start to head toward the door. I want to say something to him. However, I am quiet. Before opening the door to leave, I turn around. His back is to me. His hands up by his face. He takes a big sigh. This crushes me. Tears begin to form. I have really hurt him. What have I done? Oh my God, I royally fucked up.

He muffles, “I asked you to leave. Go!”

I quietly weep, “Sullivan, I love you.”

He turns around when he hears me. His gorgeous hazel eyes are surrounded by red. I caused all of this.

He rubs his eyes and says, “You have no idea how much I love you. You need to go.”

I turn around and head out of the classroom. The tears start flowing heavily. I just can’t with all of this. I fucked up literally everything. My selfish ass couldn’t wait until I graduated. I finally found someone to love, and I just wanted to show the world. My impatient ass ruined all of that. This just sucks.

***

I make it back to the townhouse. I could’ve taken the bus home, but I felt a walk was needed to calm me down and grasp my thoughts. What I just went through with Sullivan was just as hard as losing my mother. My mother was the person I loved more than anything in this world. I love my father but not like I loved my mother. Sullivan was a different kind of love, but it equally hurt losing him.

I walk into my home. Kandace is sitting on the couch with a bottle of wine and a few glasses. I have an amazing best friend. The tears start to flow again. Kandace sees my sadness. She gets up from the couch and heads over to me. She gives me a big bear hug. I hug her back and lose control. I know I fucked up. Seeing Sullivan upset just destroyed me. It was all self-inflicted.

I cry, “I really screwed up.”

Kandace soothes, “You can’t say that.”

I bawl, “He’s so hurt.”

She continues, “And so are you. Remember that.”

“Yep, I caused all of this.”

“Yes, your choice of breaking up with him was bad. However, you have every right to want more from the man you love. You finally found someone to love, and you had to keep it a secret. I don’t blame you for that. I’m not sure I could’ve lasted that long with keeping my relationship a secret.”

“This is the worst feeling I have ever felt. This is just as hard as losing my mother.”

She soothes, “I can’t imagine. You really do love him?”

“Very much so.”

“Did you ever tell him?”

“I said it before I left, and it went downhill from there.”

“I can only imagine how that all went.”

“It was devastating. I don’t know how I am going to finish the semester seeing him three times a week for another two weeks.”

“Well, girlfriend, you have me. I will be with you every step of the way.”

I smile, “You’re too good to me.”

“What are friends for? If it wasn’t for you, I would be missing out on someone quite special. I can’t thank you enough for that.”

Kandace hugs me again. We pull apart and I wipe the tears from my face. I am truly lucky to have a best friend like Kandace. She gets me.

For the rest of the evening, Kandace and I watch romantic comedies and get drunk off wine. Ending the day on at least a positive note.