Page 35 of Renegade

I feel like such a bitch for ignoring her and like a complete fuck up for drunk calling her. “I’m sorry Poppy, I just didn’t want to deal with anything that happened. I know you and I know you would have made me talk about it. I wasn’t ready, I’m still not ready.”

“You’re damn right I would have made you talk about it, but only because I wanted to know how you were. I know what you did wasn’t easy for you and I know you only did it for Hank. If he wasn’t in the picture, I bet you’d have stayed,” she says and I nod my head.

She’s right, I would have stayed. I would have kissed Fitz, I would have touched myself, I would have fucked him, hell I would have laid on his bed and made a damn video. “I don’t know Poppy, but I know I miss you. I know I miss Fitz and all the guys. I miss New York and I hate how things are now.”

“We are going to be by you in two weeks, come to the concert. Come hang out with us. We all miss you too, so much,” she says and I hear the sadness in her voice.

“I can’t Poppy, damn I’d love to, but I can’t,” I say and regret calling her. It’s making me hate the fact I’m not there. That I don’t know what’s going on and I wonder if Fitz is missing me like I am him.

“You can Brooklyn, stop saying shit like you can’t. You never give yourself enough credit. I saw a spark in you when you were here and I know there is a fire inside you dying to come out. You were so happy here. I saw your eyes light up when Fitz walked in the room, I saw the constant smile when he was near you, I saw you falling in love with him. Stop fighting everything so damn hard,” she says.

“I need to go,” I whisper.

“You go Brooklyn, you hide and avoid everything. Act like a fucking coward, while the rest of us are loving life. I’m sending you a ticket to the concert, come or don’t. It’s up to you what happens next,” she says and hangs up.

I roll onto my back and let the tears fall. I am a fucking coward, because I will continue to hide. If she saw how I felt for Fitz, they all did and I’m not going to look like the asshole who just walked away. I close my eyes and hold a throw pillow against my chest. Fitz’s bright blue eyes haunt my dreams when I finally find sleep.

**

I woke up an hour ago and after showering, I called Hank. I’m ready to just get this over with so I can move on. I just ate a bowl a cereal and I’m sipping on a cup of tea when he knocks on the door. It makes me laugh, he’s such an idiot. I ope

n the door and he steps inside without so much as a hello.

“Hello to you too,” I mumble and close the door.

“Brooke, let’s just get this over with. We both know what this meeting is all about,” he says, crossing his arms.

I smirk and mimic his position. “You’re right Hank. I called this meeting to tell you, I’m letting you go. You don’t fulfill your position like you once did. I’m not saying it’s your fault, I’m just saying we want different things out of this arrangement,” I say, acting like this is a business deal, just like he is.

“You aren’t the person you used to be Brooke. You went off to New York and came back a person I don’t even want to be around. What happened there?” he asks, making sure I feel like this is all my fault. Well fuck that, meet Brooklyn.

I smile and give him a wink. “When I was there, someone took me to Brooklyn. Made me feel beautiful, made me laugh and made me realize this life I’m living is a joke. That being in a relationship isn’t one sided, it’s mutual and this never was. I’ve tried far too long to be happy, but I’m done pretending. I want so much more out of life.”

He shakes his head and rolls his eyes. “I’ll have the rest of my things out of here Monday, while you’re at work. I’d rather not look at the betrayal in your eyes another minute,” he says and starts to walk away.

I grab his arm and he turns around. “My face shows a lot of things, but betrayal is definitely not one of them. If you think that’s the kind of woman I am, you don’t know me at all,” I say with sadness in my voice.

“Brooke,” he says and I cut him off.

“Brooklyn.”

“Whatever. Let’s not make a big deal out of this. You don’t want to be with me and I don’t want to be with you. Let’s just leave it at that and move on,” he says.

This time I don’t stop him when he walks to the door. He’s right, why make a big deal out of this. I’ve been miserable and I feel like an incredible weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

**

Just like he said, Hank had all of his things out of here that following Monday while I was at work. He left his key and that was the last of it. A year of my life that I can’t say I regret, but I sure as fuck wouldn’t go back and do it again. That part of my life is over and I’m starting new.

Now I just need to decide if I’m done being a coward. I’ve spent the last few hours debating what to do tonight. Just like she said, Poppy sent me a ticket to the show. A damn good ticket at that, front row, center. I have no idea if Fitz knows she sent it and it terrifies me. If he knows and I don’t come will he be disappointed or ecstatic? Or what if he doesn’t know and he sees me and he’s pissed I’m there? I just don’t know what to do, but considering I bought a new outfit, did my hair and makeup, I guess I’m leaning on going.

I look over at the ticket and smile. I’m done being a coward, this will end one way or another and I will just have to deal with whatever happens. No more hiding, no more running. I pick up the ticket and shove it into my pocket.

I look around at the guys while we sit in the back room waiting for our opening act to climb off stage. They all look the same as I do, in the zone. Before we go on, we like to have a good time. We hang out, have a few drinks, eat and laugh. But right before we go on the vibe changes. We are focused on giving our fans one hell of a show.

“Two minutes guys, get ready,” Poppy says, poking her head in the room before rushing back to the stage.

I take a deep breath and stand up, the others follow and I grin at them. “Let’s rock the fuck out of this place.”