Page 1 of Unlikely to Stay
Chapter 1
“And I told him, Burt, if you wanna stay withthisdime piece, you gotta get with the times.A body like this one don’t stay on the market long.After I laid down the law, we went to TJ Maxx and Target in Lakeviewthatday and got him some new duds and kicks.And let me tell you, CC, my man isstylin’!If you squint, healmostresembles George Clooney.Well, if George Clooney was thirty years older and had lots of ear and nose hair.”
CC hid a smile behind the container currently holding shamrock green hair dye.That was the color Kelda Vanderburgh had chosen as this month’s color in honor of St.Patrick’s Day.She claimed her daddy came to America from Ireland, but since her maiden name was Klein, CC highly doubted there was validity to that particular statement.Especially since Kelda claimed to be Jewish during Hanukah and Native American on the day Parker Elementary School had its students dress up as homesteaders staking their parcel of land in celebration of the Oklahoma Land Run.Kelda would stand at the elementary school fence and complain about thewhite peoplestealing her homeland.
“What did Susan and Griff think about the color you chose for your hair this time?”CC asked.Susan was Kelda’s daughter and Griff was her grandson.Susan came to the salon twice a month religiously to have CC cover her grays with chestnut brown dye.CC was pretty sure Kelda was the source of Susan’s gray hair.
“They quit trying to make me stay with my natural hair color a year ago when they realized I had to keep my followers happy.I’ve become a social media presence…up to seven thousand followers!They make suggestions on my hair color each month.It’s why I asked for rainbow glitter in January.”
“I’m sorry I couldn’t make that happen, Kelda.”
“I bet Pink’s hairstylist could make it happen,” Kelda muttered under her breath.
“Come again?I didn’t quite catch that.”
“I said I understand.That would have been a tough one to accomplish, especially without all the modern conveniences of those classy Hollywood salons,” Kelda replied, a fake smile plastered on her face.
CC didn’t even try to argue with her.Everyone in town knew life was much easier if Kelda was allowed to say whatever she wanted.CC figured at ninety-one, Kelda had earned that right no matter how ridiculous her comments were.
“I’m almost finished and then you’ll have to sit for a bit while the color sets.Then I’ll style it up and you can be on your way.I’ll have you looking like a shamrock in no time.”
Kelda gave her a thumbs up and started perusing theUS Weeklyin her lap.“Would you look at that,” she muttered.“That Adam Levine onThe Voiceis one hunk of eye candy, let me tell ya.I could do some dirty dancing withthatone.That Blake Shelton isn’t so bad himself.Did you know he’s from Oklahoma?”
“I did know that.”
“I also knowhislake in Oklahoma isn’t near as nice asours.”
“You’re right about that, Kelda,” CC said absentmindedly.
CC put the final coating on Kelda’s locks and let out a breath.So far, so good.She hoped the green turned out like she wanted it, otherwise she’d be dealing with Kelda’s wrath for quite some time.
CC plopped down on the comfy, bright purple velvet couch by the front door of her salon, CC’s Curls and More.Had it been her choice, she would have named the salon she bought from her mom something hip.Rage.Razr.Tousled.But since the majority of her clients were of the elderly variety, she had only changed the name from Janette’s, the original owner from the fifties, to CC’s Curls and More.It was all about keeping the clients happy.And when one dealt with finicky people who were born during the Great Depression, there was a lot of keeping happy CC had to do.
Even though CC kept the name, the eighties décor in the salonhadto change.Gone were the green linoleum floors and beige walls.Now, her shop walls were painted soft turquoise, the doors, molding, and frames all black.The floor was black and white checkered tiles, she had installed surround sound to play music from her iPad, hung brightly colored quotes and pictures on the wall, and had even installed a small counter with a Keurig and various k-cups of coffee, tea, and cappuccino for customers to drink.
Another change had come when she decided to install two pedicure chairs, a tanning bed, spray tan booth, and manicurist’s table.Now all the elderly women in her small town of Parker, Oklahoma, could make their hair green, their skin bronze, and their nails all colors of the rainbow if they so wished.
CC was pooped.All the women in Kelda’s age bracket had recently been changing their hair color as much as the weather in the state changed.CC wouldn’t put money on it, but she had a sneaking suspicion it was because Kelda had snagged herself a man.Madge Perkins had come in a week after Kelda and Burt had announced their relationship status on social media and dyed her hair the exact same shade as CC’s purple couch.Apparently, Madge had her eye on Burt and was not too happy when his status went fromsingletoin a relationship.
CC didn’t know what was so enticing about Burt Gallagher.He was old as Methuselah, grouchy as Walter Matthau inGrumpy Old Men, had a mouth that would make a sailor blush, and was the cheapest SOB that possibly ever walked the face of the Earth.Maybe it was the fact he could hear better than any other octogenarian CC had ever met, and if what one of her best friends told her was the truth, Burt was still a go-getter in the sack.At least if he had the Viagra he bought online against doctor’s orders at the ready.CC guessed that made himThe Bachelor: Octogenarian Edition of Parker.
Breckin knew all about Burt’s Viagra and ability to perform even at the age of eighty-eight.She had fallen in love with Kelda’s grandson, Griffin Stephens, a year ago.Shortly after they got together, the duo walked in on Kelda and Burt mid-lovin’, Kelda wrapped up in a sheet and Burt’s male parts standing at attention in the middle of Kelda’s living room.Griff was none too happy, but finally told his meemaw what she did behind closed doors was none of his business.He justneverwanted to walk in on them again.
Breckin told CC he had an alarm on his phone he would blare at Kelda’s front door before entering her house where she had been shacked up with Burt for almost a year.CC could only imagine the trauma it caused him.She never knew her grandparents but the thought of seeinganyelderly people, much less relatives, going at it sent a shudder through her body.She knew old people needed love, too.She just wanted to pretend like it never happened.
The bell above the front door of the shop jingled, signaling someone was entering the building.She groaned and died a little inside when she saw it was Kelda’s man.He was wearing a pair of knock-off Air Jordans on his feet, dark wash skinny jeans, a bright purple “Macho Man” Randy Savage t-shirt, and a turquoise-banded fedora with a peacock feather sticking to the right side.
“Where’s my sex kitten?”he hollered.“Is she still gettin’ her damn hair did?It’s way past supper time, Kelda.You better get your ass in gear!”
CC looked at the large clock on her wall.It was a quarter to five.
“See there, Cees?Itoldya he’s lookin’good!”Kelda called from her perch in the stylist’s chair.“I told him he needs to get some of those muscles like Macho Man on his shirt.He’s my favorite wrestler.Those muscles….mmmhmmm.”
“I didn’t hear you complainin’ about my muscles last night, Kelda,” he grumbled.
That was something CC could’ve gone her entire life without hearing.She tried not to shudder.
“You need to simmer down, lovey,” Kelda replied to Burt.“Just sit on CC’s comfy couch and have a cup of coffee.She’s got a French vanilla cappuccino that goes great with a shot of the Bailey’s I have in my purse.I’m pretty sure my Irish daddy brought the first bottle to America, you know.Then we can go eat at Sadie’s.It’s meatloaf Monday.”