Page 2 of Unlikely to Stay
“They call that coffee,” Burt harrumphed.“That’s not coffee.The coffee I had in the barracks in the Korean War…nowthat’scoffee.Black stuff that’ll coat your insides.None of that froo-froo Starbucks shit.”
“I have a regular coffee pot, too, Burt, if you’re interested.”
Burt said something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like an insult, so CC hopped off the couch and headed over to check Kelda’s hair.
“Well, Miss Kelda, I think it’s about as green as it is going to get.Ready for a wash and style?”
“You bet your fanny I am.I want to make my heritage proud.I even found a cat shirt with a cat wearing a green hat, drinking a green beer.It says,Happy St.Catrick’s Dayon it.Ha!Get it?Cat instead of Pat?Tricky play on words.”
“I get it.The question is…did you get a matching one for Burt?”she whispered in Kelda’s ear.
“I’m not wearing no damned cat shirt!”Burt called from his perch on the couch, what smelled suspiciously like French vanilla cappuccino from the cup in his hand wafting across the room.Shit that coats his insides indeed.“It’s enough I have to live with the devil things.”
Kelda had two cats—Diablo and Harley Quinn.Both beautiful.Both evil spawns of Satan.“Let’s get this color washed out, yeah?”
Kelda rubbed her hands together in anticipation.“I can’twaitto see what it looks like!”
CC led Kelda to the sink and washed the color out, the water coming out of Kelda’s hair tinted bright green.She lathered Kelda’s head with shampoo and conditioner before towel-drying it and leading her back to the stylist chair.
“Boy, that stuff sure does smell good,” Kelda said.“Is that that fancy salon shampoo?”
“It is,” CC replied, getting her blow dryer and round brush out of a drawer.
“Do you sell it?”
“Yes, I do.I have some over there on that shelf, in fact.”
“How much?”
“Um, I think a big bottle is thirty dollars.The small bottle is fifteen or twenty.”
“What?Are you kidding me?That’s highway robbery!”
CC laughed.“Well, I’m not forcing you to buy it.”
“Well, that’s a good thing because I wouldrefuse.My ninety-nine cent Suave works just fine.I like that coconut smell.Sometimes, I’ll even splurge for some of that Suave professionals.It comes in a fancy bottle like yours and compares itself to that Big Sexy Hair brand that comes in the red bottle.Do you think they’re lying?”
“I’m sure it works just as well,” CC replied, raising her voice so Kelda could hear her over the blow dryer.“Besides, Kelda.Your hair is so pretty you could wash it with anything and it would look good.”
“I sure do turn heads when I walk into a room, don’t I?”
That was the understatement of the year.“You sure do.”
CC turned off the blow dryer and spun Kelda around so she could see herself in the mirror.“What do you think?”
Kelda squinted her eyes.She stared at her image for several seconds.“I look just like I’ve got a freshly mowed summer lawn on top of my head,” she finally replied.
CC inwardly cringed.“Is that a good thing?”
Kelda’s face split into a wide grin and she gave CC two thumbs up.“I’ll say it’s a good thing!I can put some sparkly and glittery beads in my hair and look just like an Easter basket for next month.You won’t even need to color it again.”
“Whatever you want.You’re the one with all the followers on social media.”
“I might need help with the beads, though.These fingers don’t work as well as they should anymore,” Kelda said, holding up her arthritic hands.“That’s why we had to buy Burt t-shirts.Easier to shuck in times of passion, if you know what I mean.”
CC shook her head.That was another image she didn’t want floating through her brain.Unfortunately, it was too late.One look at Burt sipping his cappuccino, staring at Kelda like she was the best thing since sliced bread, put an image of their shucking of his Macho Man shirt front and center.
“I’m telling ya,sonny!It’s the herpes!I got the herpes on my ass!”