Page 79 of The Sacrifice
My head jerks backward, and I stumble over my feet. “I am not.” I scramble to stay upright and not fall on my face or break my neck.
“Yes, you are.” She points her index finger and bobs it in time with her words. “You think he’ll leave you at some point. You think he’s going to want someone younger. So you might as well end things now before you get hurt.”
I poke the button, turning the treadmill off. “Well, it didn’t work. I still got hurt.”
“Then, there’s no point.”
“In doing what?”God, she says too many words. She’s giving me a headache.“I broke up with him because his attorney said he needed to be single. It didn’t have anything to do with anything else.”
“Making it a self-fulfilling prophecy that he finds someone else. Yes, you’re four years older than him. Big deal. Yes, he’s a good-looking guy who plays a professional sport. That means women are going to find him attractive. But he loves you. You’re the only woman he’s said he wants a relationship with. That means something.”
I run a hand through my hair to block out the tears stinging my eyes. “Fine. You’re right. I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize Jackson’s custody case, but Roxanne doesn’t stand a chance of getting full custody and doesn’t even want it. All she wants is money.”
“Exactly. So let’s admit this is about you. You’re worried he’s going to break your heart, so you did it first.”
She’s full of shit. Isn’t she? My shoulders sag. “You’re right. I’m scared he’s rushing things. That his world has been turned upside down, and he’s latching on to me as something familiar, and one day he’s going to wake up and freak out that he settled.” A rumble of thunder rattles the windows.
“You’re severely underestimating your appeal to him. You’re a strong, independent woman, who’s smart, and under normal circumstances, you’re quite attractive to the opposite sex.”
“Bite me.”
Her lips curve into a grin. “I’m serious. The two of you are good together. You even each other out, and there’s always been an undercurrent of energy flowing back and forth between the two of you. It was bound to explode at some point.”
Heat settles over my cheeks. Yeah. There was a hypnotic pull between us. Even when we were arguing, it was like two magnets trying to push each other away when the world was better if we accepted the forces of the universe and stopped fighting the inevitable. “What should I do?”
“Call him. Go see him. Do something. Besides being miserable and pretending you’re okay with never seeing them again. See him in secret.” She shrugs. “It’s hot to sneak around.”
I grab the black towel with the gym’s name plastered on one end of it and wipe my face. There’s no point in keeping up the pretext that I’m going to keep working out. I’d prefer to eat a scone.
After I loop the towel around my neck, I hold onto the edges. Tony walks past, and his eyes narrow as if he’s trying to place me. I turn away from him. I don’t want to hear how great Jackson is doing. Surely, he’s as miserable as I am. Right?
“What about the nanny position? Do you want to go out West?”
“No.”
“Then, don’t. Call the company and tell them you’re not taking any other positions.”
“You make it sound so easy. I don’t exactly have another job lined up. What am I supposed to do? I haven’t used my college degree since I graduated.”
“I’m sure you could find a teaching position if you looked.”
“I like being a nanny.” My heart aches every day for Hadley. I wake up from a dead sleep listening for her cries, and it’s silent. The only sounds at my brother’s house are his snoring and farting. The man is never going to get a woman.
Tony and Gunner walk in our direction but stop before getting to us. Gunner taps on his cellphone and shows Tony something. They alternate between glancing in our direction and acting like they aren’t. They’re trying to figure out where they’ve seen me before, but with the ratted pile of hair on my head and dark circles under my eyes, I’m not sure my mom would recognize me.
“Then get a job at a daycare.”
I unfold my arms and wipe my hands on my athletic shorts. “That’s not a bad idea.”
“You have glowing references.”
“You’re right. I’ve already put the nanny company on hold, but I must give them a final answer next week, so they can find a replacement.”
Jade grasps my shoulders. “Do it. Get online and apply for a daycare position. Stay here so you’re waiting when Jackson’s custody battle is over.”
Gunner walks over to us. “I apologize for interrupting.”
“I–”