Page 89 of Ashes of Aether
She narrows her eyes. “I think you’re making up excuses.”
“Why would I be making up excuses?”
Eliya hesitates. “Because...”
“Because of what?”
“Because of Arluin,” she whispers.
I swallow and turn away from her. My attention settles onto the bard who is still playing her lute for all those gathered in the square.
I can’t deny Eliya’s words. Last night, after the tipsiness wore off and I crawled into bed, an overwhelming wave of guilt crashed into me. Guilt over flirting with Nolan, over agreeing to meet him tonight. The emotion is so irrational that I don’t know how to explain it to Eliya. Arluin has been gone for three years. He might even be dead. Why can I not let go of him?
Eliya places her hand on mine. I clench the edge of the stone bench so tightly that my knuckles whiten. “Reyna,” she says softly. “It’s been three years.”
“I know,” I reply, my words cold and dead.
“Do you think...”
“Do I think what?”
She bites her lip. Whatever she intended to say, she seems to have decided against it.
A few tears escape my eyes and trace down my cheeks. I hurriedly wipe them away with the back of my sleeve. “Sorry,” I mutter.
“For what?” Eliya asks.
“For this.”
She pulls me into a hug. “You never need to apologize for being upset, silly. What sort of best friend would I be if I were mad at you for crying?”
I give her a slight nod but remain silent.
“Why don’t you stop by his tavern tonight?” Eliya says after a moment, releasing me from her embrace. She lifts my hand from the stone bench and squeezes it. “Since it isn’t a date, what’s the harm in meeting him again?”
I can think of no answer to her question, other than betraying Arluin’s memory. How can I move on from him so soon? Three years is nothing compared to the eighteen years I knew him.
After our conversation last night, I know exactly what Eliya thinks of him. Like everyone else, she believes him to be wicked. But he freed me. And I refuse to believe that using dark magic to save me makes him monstrous.
“I’ll come with you,” Eliya says, “and if he’s as hideous as you fear he might be, then we’ll run straight out. How’s that?”
I close my eyes and let out a heavy breath. I wish I could explain to her how all this makes me feel. I wish I could make her understand.
“What if you don’t go tonight and you spend the rest of your life wondering you missed because you were too busy holding onto the past?”
I can’t argue with her. What she says is the reason I’ve not entirely ruled out visiting The Old Dove tonight. There was an inexplicable connection between Nolan and me. Gazing at him made my pulse quicken. And he appeared to be as dazed as me.
But all of that could have been down to the moon-blossom wine. To know, I need to meet him again.
And if I don’t, will I regret it?
I already knew that I couldn’t go on like this, wallowing over Arluin for the rest of my life. Maybe meeting Nolan signifies the start of a new chapter. I think that’s what terrifies me the most.
But, as Eliya says, what’s the harm in us visiting The Old Dove? It isn’t as if I’ll be going alone. And if I change my mind, I’m sure Eliya would happily flirt with him and divert his attention from me.
“All right,” I finally say. “Like you said, what’s the worst that can happen?”
“That’s the spirit!” She leaps to her feet and pulls me up with her. “Come on then, let’s go! But first we need to get you properly dressed to impress Mr. Handsome-Tavern-Owner!”