Page 74 of Finding Fate

I grab between the front cups and pull, forcing it down her arms. My forehead comes down between her breasts at the same time I throw it on the floor. “Gab . . . Am I ever going to live that down? You’re making me feel like shit. I only ever wanted you.”

Before I realize what I’m doing, my palm is gliding over her flat stomach and my eyes sting like the little bitch that I feel like. I hated myself through every girl I fucked even though it didn’t stop me. Slowed me down at times, maybe, but stop me it did not. And none of them made her memory fade or my love for her dwindle.

Now I know why.

She was loyal to me. What the fuck did I do for her? Shove my dick in every hot girl that would let me? I don’t understand why there are no visible signs that she carried our son. I haven’t found a single stretch mark. Her stomach is as firm as it’s always been. Her pussy is still as tight as I remember it. It’s like he never existed and that breaks my heart a little. I’d rather have signs he was in there once; like the baby I’m still trying to process is now. Maybe it’d make it easier to live with. Help me stomach my absence during it all.

I’m going to be a dad. I’m having a baby with the girl of my dreams. We fucking made it. Relief. I only have to watch my back for a little while longer. The second her last name matches mine he can’t take her from me. My heart swells. We created life together. We may not have gotten to keep the last one, but we’re going to keep this one. They’re mine. I’ll kill anyone that tries to come between us again. Peace. I’m finally in peace. This is so much different being on this end of it than the friend role I was with Riggan. The feelings don’t even compare.

I clench my lids tight, trying to keep the damn salty drop inside, but the second it falls off my lashes on her skin she wraps her legs around me and forces my face up to look at her. “I’m not angry with you. I was over the two girls when I got here, because you had been with me the night before and it hurt that you were able to so soon, but I’m not angry with you over the others, Maddox. We weren’t together. Guys need sex. It’s not a secret. I knew you were doing it. I just pretended in my head that they didn’t compare to me.”

She breathes out. “I’m not trying to make you feel guilty either. You’re hot and easy going with a likable personality. No normal girl is going to pass you by without at least a second glance. The second I met you I knew I wanted more. I’ve worked damn hard to keep you ever since. I think it just makes me feel better to know you regret them. I’m sorry. I should have said it in my head. If it makes you feel better, a small part of me is glad you got it out of your system, because finding out you still loved me after them all put me at the top of the world, Maddox. There is a reason for everything.”

I close my eyes, another fucking one slipping out. I’ve never deserved her, but it doesn’t stop me from loving her. I hate myself for letting her see me cry over and over, but sometimes it hits me hard just how bad I screwed up. I should have gone after her earlier, but she has to know, “None of them even came close in comparison.”

Her eyes scan mine. “You’re happy about this pregnancy, aren’t you?”

I nod my head in shame. I know it’s wrong. We should have been married first. That’ll likely be the first thing that comes out of my parents’ mouths when we tell them. The world would tell us we rushed it, especially given our history. We’re still relearning each other. I know that. I know she’s not ready. It wasn’t planned. But since the shock wore off, I can’t deny that I’m happy about it. We need some good or we’ll keep hating ourselves for the kid we can’t raise. I hate seeing her tore up about it and blaming herself when it wasn’t her fault. Most of all, I know I want her to be the mother of my children. I know she’s who I want to spend the rest of my life with, so yeah, I guess you could say I’m happy about it. “I just got you back. I know you’re not ready to settle down like that, Gab, and I’m sorry, but I wouldn’t change it . . . either time.”

She swipes her own tear away, pulling at me to come closer. “You know what? We can fuck in bed later. Make love to me, Maddox. I want you to.”

I grab my dick and thrust inside. She doesn’t have to tell me twice. Making love to Gabby is as addictive as fucking her hard and dirty. I grip the backs of her thighs and push them back, already rolling my hips and watching her eyes start to roll back. “Maybe we can settle somewhere in between.”

She lifts her head and smiles at me, her eyes heavy with lust and love. “We found each other in the in-between.”

She was between a child and a teen. I was between a teen and an adult. In ways, we’ll always be in the in-between. Limbo isn’t always a bad place to be and doing things by the book isn’t always the right way. Staying true to character is the part that matters. “We sure did, baby.”

Our lips find one another’s as we do what we’ve always done best. For us, sex and love go hand in hand.

Forty-Two

Gabby

My eyes shoot open as my stomach rolls with nausea. Oh no. What the fuck? My abs are already contracting, and I’m tangled in Maddox’s body. I try to pull away from him, but he tightens his hold around my midsection as if he’s afraid I’ll get out of bed without him knowing. Based on the amount of sunlight in the room it has to be early.

The vomit is already traveling up my esophagus. I smack his arm over and over lightly, making him jump, and before he can even get his eyes open I’m running to the small trash can in the room, hitting my knees and hovering over the opening, trying to keep my hair out of it.

With every gag and splatter on the bottom it sounds so loud, but I can’t stop. Maybe it seems louder than it is because throwing up in front of someone has always been embarrassing for me. He’s seen me throw up once; the first time I got drunk and didn’t know what ‘alcohol tolerance’ was.

Maddox took me to his brother’s house for the weekend. His parents knew that’s where he was going, they just didn’t know he was taking someone. He said Micah was cool and wouldn’t tell them. Plus, he was rarely home. But when he was, he was nice to me. He was a little rougher around the edges than Maddox, but he had a more laidback personality than Maddox did too; definitely just as attractive. Their parents don’t breed ugly boys, that’s for sure.

The house was stocked with alcohol and he didn’t care if we drank as long as we stayed there. I was so sick it took me a while to try alcohol again after that. I remember the splitting headache, the constant nausea, and the feeling of death that overtook me the next morning—known as a hangover. Maddox went to the store and got me a V8 juice to try to help. I stood under the spray of the shower ‘til the water went cold. The only thing that helped was greasy food, which is odd, because you would think that’d make it worse.

When the vomiting turns to a dull nausea I grab my towel from my last shower and wipe my mouth, my sore muscles registering from all the sex we had last night. It was like we couldn’t get enough. Not really a shocker there. But there was something slightly different. It was like he couldn’t keep his hands off of me . . . or his mouth. Whatever it was, I liked it. I’ve missed his touch for too long to grow tired of it. “Gab, you okay?”

I look over at him from where I’m kneeling naked, my eyes watery as I try to breathe through it. The aftertaste is awful and lingering in my mouth. He’s sitting up in bed with his legs bent toward the ceiling, his forearms laid over his kneecaps with the sheet to his waist. Tattoos decorate his muscular chest and run down the top end of both arms. The mere sight of him makes me horny. I’ve come to learn I love riding him now more than I ever have. It’s your own personal porn while you get to feel really good staring at it.

Maddox is a good-looking guy, and I don’t mean that just because I find him hot. If you look around when he takes you to a public place, you can see just how many girls think the same. To a shy girl it’d be intimidating, but to a crazy one like me it’s target practice. My stare is my strongest suit. My eyes are very commanding like my father’s. Girls only looked once. The one girl that didn’t take the hint got her ass beat before she got us kicked out of the water park for ‘assault’. Yeah right. She was just embarrassed a younger girl handed her ass to her. I’d do it again in a heartbeat. You fight for the things you want to hold on to. Good times.

He’s wearing no expression; maybe even a tad bit worried. “If there was any thought that maybe yesterday was a dream, it’s long gone now.” Why is it that some girls have zero pregnancy symptoms ‘til they piss on a stick and then they just come out of nowhere? For such a tiny ball of cells it really makes itself known. A baby . . . I can’t believe we’re here again. I shove back the tears. “Thank you for staying there instead of trying to be noble.”

“I knew you’d kick my ass. I respect the line. I know when I can teeter on it and when to just let it go and stay on my side.” I close my eyes, still trying to settle my stomach. Maybe I need food. We didn’t eat dinner. We didn’t leave our room. “Did you get sick with . . .” I open them, our eyes meeting. “Madden?”

I shake my head, hoping he doesn’t immediately change the subject or shut it down. He doesn’t bring him up often, like he’s scared to upset me, but it actually helps to know we can lean on each other to talk about our son. It keeps him alive in so many ways. I don’t want to try to forget about him just because I can’t watch him grow. I know Maddox holds in his feelings over it a lot and I hate it. I just keep hoping he’ll open up with time. “Not really, no. I mean there were a few times around the time I found out, but nothing regular. Just a lingering nausea the first trimester. Rarely did I actually throw up once I found out, and only after I’d eaten something he didn’t like. It never woke me up like this. It took me a while to take a test; a long time to feel pregnant and realize my body was changing. I had no idea what to expect at that age.”

He nods, his eyes turning downcast on his arms as if he’s thinking, and I can feel it—him shutting down. I know it bothers him that he wasn’t there. I didn’t fall in love with a piece of shit. I fell in love with a good guy. “Come here.”

I reach over and grab my purse where it’s lying on the floor, digging through it quickly until I find the gum, then pop a square out through the foil on the back and shove it into my mouth. When I stand, he lifts the sheet to let me get back in bed. I snuggle up next to him and bury my head in his chest as he wraps his arm around me, his warmth soaking into my now cool skin from being under the air vent naked. The room becomes silent, both of us just laying here in each other’s arms. It’s eating at me. I swallow the juice from chewing my gum to speak. “Stop feeling—”