Page 38 of Blood that Burns
“Magdalena, where are you going? You can’t just wander off in the dark. Not around here. It isn’t safe.”
I throw my hands up in the air, over my head. “Since you’re insisting on following after me, I’m not alone now, am I?”
“Maggie, stop!” His command is harsh and unyielding.
I do as he’s asked, but I refuse to turn around and look at him. I try to pull deep, ragged breaths in through my nose and out through my mouth as an anxiety attack pulls to the surface. I’m trying desperately not to allow it to take over.
Law comes to stand in front of me. The harsh lines are replaced with concern as he bends down until we’re eye to eye. “Sunshine, breathe. Talk to me.”
Quick bursts of air are expelled from my lips as I continue to fight against the torrent of emotions threatening to buckle me.
“I-I’m trying to hold myself together.” I say through my teeth.
“This is you getting it together? You need to breathe,” he instructs again, but I’m too far gone.
“An-anxiety a-att-ack.”
I slump forward and he pulls me into his firm chest, cooing soothing words into my hair, running a hand up and down my back. “It’s okay. I’ve got you. Deep breaths.”
He holds me and I allow it. Minutes go by as I fight to regain control and he whispers words of encouragement and protection. When I’m finally under control, I step back out of his grasp, head lowered to the ground. It’s been years since I’ve experienced an attack of that magnitude.
“Wanna talk about it?”
I clear my throat. “I’m trying to process everything and I’m not doing it very well,” I admit. “I thought I was ready.”
“Ready for...” I watch his hand make circular motions, coaxing me to continue.
My lower lip trembles. “Ready for all this change.”
He grabs my hands in his and squeezes but doesn’t say anything.
“There were days where it felt like I’d been gone for a decade, but then other times, it felt like I hadn’t been gone that long at all. You warned me that Marina had changed, but seeing it for myself”—I shake my head—“it’s a lot.”
He takes me by my elbow and ushers us toward a garden bench. I take a seat, reveling in his nearness like a lovesick fool. I don’t tell him that it’s not just Marina and her new vulnerability that has me shook. It’s her relationship with Julian.
She’s in love. It’s so evident by the way she hangs on his every word. The way she looks at him. I’m grateful that her feelings are returned tenfold, and I hate the jealousy that’s overcome me.
They’re leaning on each other and banding together, while Law and I seem to be pulling further apart.
The uncertainty of where we stand is the ocean between us. One minute it feels like the tide is pulling him toward me, and the next it’s rushing him out, so far out of my reach. He’d never fully abandon me, but emotionally, we’re miles apart. I want all of him. Every piece.
“What’s troubling you about Marina?” Law asks, breaking me out of my inner relationship—or lack thereof—struggles.
“What do you think?” I snap at him.
My attitude isn’t called for, but I can’t help it. How can he even ask me such a stupid question? Everything is troubling me.
I smack my dry lips together. “Marina was always the one constant in my life, the one thing I truly believed wouldn’t be different when I returned. She’s like a totally different person, Law.”
“She is and isn’t.”
I huff. “That makes no sense.”
He shrugs. “Give it some time. Right now, she’s riding high, because Julian is allowing her to be part of something bigger. Something she had always been shut out of.” He raises his brow to indicate his and my secrets are a part of what he’s referencing. “She’s trying to come into her own, and I can assure you she is having struggles, just like you. She may seem like she has everything together and is stronger now, but she’s a mess. You two need each other more than ever.”
I wonder in what ways Marina is a mess. From what I can tell, outside of appearing tired, she seems good. Stronger. Happy.
“Is this about Julian?”