Page 102 of Forbidden Eyes

No, I guess not.

I nod and turn back to the couch, letting her take her time. It’s not like I’m sure what the fuck to do in this situation anyway. I'm not ready to deal with it, haven't got my head around it or prepared for it. I keep eating my sandwich, watching her as she stares at the frame, and wonder what I should say. There’s so much to learn yet, so much for her to find out about and understand. Me. The Canes. The business we're all in. And Vico isn’t gone; he never will be. She’s still his daughter, as proved by the forbidden eyes now slowly turning to look at me.

“You’re an asshole, too. Not so dissimilar to him.”

I nod at that. I have no other answer to give so I continue eating.

It’s the truth. More than she knows given my history and my present day. I do the same as her father, hurt people. I've done it my whole life, ever since these men who guided me formed me into what they needed me to be. But because of her, I now seem to be an asshole with a heart rather than an asshole without one. Still, she deserves this argument, deserves to haul me over the coals for thinking I was doing the right thing.

She can have it.

Thirty

Idraw in a long, slow breath and try to gain some form of control over my quivering muscles. Every part of me hums as if I’ve been plugged into a live wire.

“I never thought that when I came out to see Uncle Quinn, I’d meet you.” My voice is calm and soft, betraying the rage that’s eating me up inside as I pace around the room. My feet circle the piano and the couch where Carter stays, finishing his late-night snack.

Why I came down, I don’t know. I couldn’t sleep in the room all alone. All I had for company were thoughts of what Mom will be doing now, or how Dad might be punishing her. So much has changed in only a handful of days—some of the best and worst of my life. “I felt like such a child around you—the big handsome guy who would finally give me a chance to see what was being kept from me my whole life. Of course, you certainly did that. Far more than I ever thought in the beginning.” I continue to pace as the words start to ease past the lump in my throat. “You actually gave me answers to my questions and not just what you thought was safe for me to hear. And stupid me, I believed that what we had might mean something to you.”

I risk looking at Carter to see how my words might have affected him. My broken heart wants him to hurt just as much as I do. But for that, he’d have to care in the first place, and he’d never say what he did to me if he cared.

He’s cleared his plate, his elbows resting on his knees, hunched over. It looks like he’s bored rather than the hurt I'd like to see.

“You could at least look at me when I’m talking to you.”

“Fia, it’s late. Really fucking late, early actually, and it’s been a hell of a day.”

His brush off riles me further. “I know, Carter. I was there. For all of it.”

He sits back and crosses his arms, waiting as if he knows what’s coming. "Look, if you wanna scream at me, go for it. I can't change a fucking thing, but if it makes you—"

“Would that make you feel better?” I cut in.

“Probably not, but right now, I don’t give a shit about me. It’s you I’m worried about.”

“Oh, that seems to have changed. The last thing I knew, I was just a convenient fuck to you.” All the humiliation and hurt I felt left alone in that pool erupts with those words.

He stands and starts towards me, a scowl on his face. “That’s not how it was.”

“Really? Want to tell me how it was then? Because I seem to remember you fucked me, then told me it would never happen again and that we were done. That seems pretty much like a convenient fuck to me.”

“Believe me when I say there was never a goddamn thing convenient about fucking you, Fia," he snaps, aggression in his tone. "I never thought of you like that.”

“Sorry. Did I get my verbs wrong? What was it then? A challenge? An accomplishment? Or perhaps just a notch on your fucking belt.” The torrent of anger raging through me keeps the hurt and pain of these words from turning into more tears. I came down to shout and scream and lash out but saying everything out loud really hurts. It reminds me of everything I’ve lost because of a guy who just wanted to prove he could claim a girl’s virginity.

I turn away and look back at the photo—the one taken when I was still sheltered from the world that I'm now right in the middle of.

He grabs my shoulders and twists me back to face him. “You were never any of those things, and you know it. You know I didn’t mean for this to happen, and you know exactly what I put on the line to be with you.”

“But you’re not with me, Carter. Nor have you lost anything.” My voice softens, and I hate that it does.

“You'll never understand this, will you? I fought it so hard, Fia. Had to. From the minute I saw you I knew I couldn’t have you. It didn’t matter if you were the only thing I wanted in the world because you were forbidden, completely untouchable. And yet as soon as I broke my own rules, laid my damned hands on you, the moment I kissed your fucking lips and tasted that strawberry milkshake, I was fated to put all of this into motion.”

His green eyes flicker with light as his words wash over my heart. Of course, they're everything thebeforeFia would have wanted to hear. But I’m not the same girl now, and as I wait for my heart to stop thudding in my chest, his hands drift from my shoulders and find their way to my waist.

“You left. You told Quinn you were going,” I accuse.

“I did. I thought it was the right thing to do. The only move I could make without putting anyone else in danger. Quinn, Nate. Even Logan. They're my family, Fia, and you don't have the first fucking clue how important they are to me. Or why." Something in his hold changes at those words. He loosens his grip, his body inching away. "You think it was easy walking out of here? Walking away from everything I cared about to keep them safe? I hoped, Fia. That's all I had after us. Your father had his pound of flesh out of me. Maybe, if I left you alone, he wouldn’t go looking for more blood from my family,” he mutters, grinding his teeth together at the mention of my dad. "Maybe, he'd just focus on me instead."