Page 108 of A Dark Fall

He nods. “I know. I left my phone in the car last night, but I should have called you today. I just ... Fuck, Alex, I didn’t know what to tell you. The things I said last night ... I wanted to explain. But not over the phone, Alex.” He looks down at our hands again. “I didn’t want to lie to you.”

“How often do you lie to me, Jake?” I ask.

He lifts his head, and his eyes are unflinching. “Only when I have to.” His voice is raw and regretful.

How is that any sort of answer? There is a question I do need the answer to though.

“Did you sleep with her last night? Do you and her—”

“No. Fuck no,” he cuts me off, sounding angry again. “I don’t know what she said to you today, but that never fucking happened, Alex.” He shakes his head as he stares into my eyes. The sincerity in them is piercing. “Tell me you believe me. You need to fucking believe that, baby.”

I hold his eyes for a long time before nodding finally. He looks relieved. I do believe him. But even then, his not sleeping with her last night doesn’t bring the sort of relief I was hoping for. There’s too much other stuff rolling about in my head for that to make much of a dent. Now, though, I desperately need to know more.

“How long ago were you together?”

He gives me a half-shrug and a shake of his head. “It was a long time ago. It was never serious—not really. Not for me.”

“It couldn’t have been that long ago. He’s—Christ, I don’t even know his name.”

“Caleb,” Jake fills in.

I nod, letting the name settle for a moment. “Caleb is how old—three? It wasn’t that long ago, Jake.”

He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, looking uncomfortable again. No doubt trying to figure out a way of not talking about this. About himself.

“You know, I can go now. I mean if you’d rather not share your shit with me. If this is where we are again.”

His mouth twitches, and he fixes me with a serious stare. Then he runs a hand over his mouth and licks his lips before his body language changes. He sits up straighter and seems to harden before my eyes.

“I met Vicky when I was eighteen. I started working for her uncle. He liked me, helped me out when I needed it. I met her at the same time. We were both young. She was the first relationship I ever had.”

Small, short, economical snippets of fact that tell me what I need to know and no more.

“Oh, so she was your first love? How sweet.” God, how I wish he had fucked her last night. That she was just a one-night stand. Instead of this. The mother of his son and his childhood sweetheart. I feel another bit of something break off.

“No, it wasn’t like that. Not for me.” He shakes his head again. “I was young. I respected Freddie. I felt ... I don’t know ... obligated to give her what she wanted.” He shifts as I frown. “And she wanted me. I might have thought it was love once, but it wasn’t.” He looks at me intently. “I know that now. It wasn’t even close.”

I feel something sad and heavy in my chest. “How long were you together?” Why I’m still asking him questions about this woman, I don’t know.

“About six years, on and off. You know how it is when you’re kids. Then it was over. I ended it,” he says.

I do know how it is when you’re kids. I was fourteen. I stopped eating for a week when my first boyfriend broke up with me for a girl who had bigger boobs.

So, he stayed with her for five years. Because she wanted him. Because he felt obligated.

“So, you’re not together and haven’t been for years, but something happened between the two of you recently. Something that resulted in that little boy through there. But you don’t have a thing?” I raise an eyebrow, disbelieving.

He closes his eyes momentarily as though remembering something he’d rather not. “A drunken mistake happened,” he says quietly.

I try to imagine him making a drunken mistake, but I can’t. He’s always so in control.

“Didn’t it feel like old times?”

His eyes flare. “Don’t do that, Alex. No. It wasn’t like that. I was wasted and in a dark fucking place. She still had feelings for me, and she was just there.” He shrugs morosely.

Oh, I hate her then. For being there for him.

“Well, it looks as if she stillhasfeelings for you. That much was obvious this afternoon,” I say.