Page 83 of A Dark Fall
I wait until I hear the door close and the engine start up before I go and lock the front door behind him, my hands still shaking with the remnants of rage and shock. I also lock the back door—something I rarely ever do—before switching off all the lights downstairs. Fred whines as I pick him up to carry him upstairs.
Out of everything he said tonight, Ben’s words about Jake tiring of me are the ones that play the loudest in my mind. Am I the kind of girl men tire of? Did Ben tire of me? He said I stopped paying attention to him, but maybe that’s not really what happened.
I flop Fred down in the bed and go to retrieve my phone from the floor by the bath. I need to hear his voice, chase away the doubts swirling loud in my brain.
There’s a message from him from almost an hour ago.
Jake: How the fuck am I supposed to concentrate on anything when you’re talking about being naked and wet? This place pretty much runs itself anyway. Say the words and I’m there, baby
God, I want him here now. Strong arms around me, warm body pressed against me.
I feel like crying. A cold emptiness grows larger and larger inside me. I thought I was done crying over Ben. Crying over how he makes me feel. I hate that he still has this kind of power. Am I weak? Is this what weak women do? Cry and worry over the words of men. Fall for others they barely know. Everything about what Ben said tonight was calculated. Because he knows me. He knows exactly what to say to hurt me. But he knows nothing about Jake, or about what we have, or about whether he will tire of me.
And you do? Is the dissenting reply that comes from somewhere in my head. Then I am crying. Stupid, unwanted tears that would please Ben immensely. Prick. I’m scrubbing at them angrily as I hear the doorbell go, causing me to practically jump out of my skin. He seriously dared to come back here?
As I contemplate what to do, my phone starts to ring in my hand. It’s Jake. My chest eases immediately. I wait for a moment to see if Ben will ring the doorbell again before hitting the button to answer.
“Hi,” I say. My voice sounds a little breathless from the crying, but I’m hoping he doesn’t notice.
“Looks like you listened to me—your key isn’t in the plant pot anymore.”
I stand up from the bed. “You’re here.” It’s more like a gasp of relief than a question.
“Outside. I wasn’t gonna use it without asking, don’t worry, but it’s fucking cold out here ...” He makes a “brrr” sound.
Relief washes over me, comforting like warm milk. I rush downstairs immediately and unlock the door.
“Hi.”
His eyes roam over my entire body, lingering for a long time on my face. He frowns.
“Hey. You okay?”
I nod, feeling emotional again. He’s here. When I needed him, without even knowing I did, he’s here.
“I’m fine, just surprised to see you. Happy, but surprised.”
He’s frowning down at me now. “You been crying?”
He looks incredible as usual. He’s wearing a fitted gray shirt open at the neck, tailored black trousers, and he has his suit jacket draped over his arm. His sandy brown hair is mussed as though he’s been running his hands through it. I swallow and swipe a hand absently over my cheek, standing back to let him.
“Um ... no, not really.”
He frowns at this, reaching out to brush his thumb across my cheek. “What’s going on, baby?”
Truth time, Alex. Get on it. I take a deep breath. “My ex. He was just here.”
Some cloud of darkness settles over his eyes, his entire body stiffening. “Your ex was here?”
I nod, biting my lip hard as I meet his eye. “The guy from the hotel yesterday. The one you saw me with.”
His eyes flicker again, nostrils flaring.“That guy was your ex?” I can’t tell how angry he is because his voice is so low. He’s silent for a long time.
I nod.
“Why’d you lie to me about it?”
I close my eyes as I shake my head. “I don’t know. I shouldn’t have. It just came out, and I didn’t want you to think anything was going on, and—”