Page 84 of A Dark Fall
“He was just fucking here. What do you want me to think now?”
“Nothing! I never invited him here. But he came, and he wanted to talk.”
“He wanted to talk.” His voice is laced with doubt as his eyes skim over my state of relative undress.
“Yes.Talk.”
He laughs at this, but it’s cold. “All those old feelings come rushing back when you saw him yesterday, baby?”
My eyes go wide. “What? No, of course not. He wanted to talk yesterday, and I told him no. So, he turned up here.”
“I guess that’s why you looked so fucking close. Makes sense now.” It’s as if he hasn’t even heard me. “Not a guy who’s into you, a guy who used to fuck you. A guy you used to be in love with.” He runs his hand over his mouth as he shakes his head. I notice his knuckles are red, but it barely registers. I’m too focused on the way he’s looking at me and the tone of his voice. From so soft and warm to this. I want to cry again. “Thinking about him all night, weren’t you, baby? What about when I was fucking you? Were you wishing it was him?” He isn’t shouting anymore, but his voice is low and cold, which is worse. Far worse. I feel sick. How can he think that? Or say that?
It hits me then. This is the other side of him. This is who he is when he’s not with me. This is a glimpse of the man people want to cut open with kitchen knives.
I feel the tears burning at the backs of my eyes.
“You thinkthatlittle of me?” My voice sounds far too fragile. I hate it. He at least has the decency to look somewhat ashamed. “You know what, Jake? I’ve had enough of men making assumptions about me for one night. Think whatever you want. I’m going to bed.” I turn from him and storm upstairs without looking back.
In the bedroom, I close the curtains and turn on the bedside lamps. When I turn around, he’s at the door looking at me, his face a tense mix of emotions. Unlike Ben’s gaze, which chilled me, Jake’s makes my body heat rapidly. It always has.
“We weren’t done, Alex,” he says, his voice softer than it was.
“Weren’t we?”
He sighs loudly and walks into the bedroom. “How the fuck can you blame me for being pissed off? You lied to me about who he was, then I turn up tonight and he’s just fucking been here?”
I fold my arms and stare him down. “I’m not blaming you for being pissed off, Jake. I’m blaming you for accusing me of something that isn’t true. For not letting me explain ...”
“So why the fuck was he here?”
“I told you. He turned up here.Uninvited. To talk.”
He looks down my body again, at the bathrobe again. “Right.”
I pretend he hasn’t spoken. “He let himself in though I told him yesterday it was over. There was nothing to talk about.”
“He still has a key to your fucking house?” he cuts in.
“No. He knows about the key in the plant pot because it’s something we did when we lived together.”
Jake’s mouth turns up at one side, almost a snarl.
“He let himself in. I was in the bath.”
His face is dark with rage now. “He walked in on you? In the bath?”
I shift uncomfortably on my feet and swallow. I know how this is going to go, but I won’t lie to him again. Not on Ben’s account.
“He said he rang the doorbell for a while. I had music on, so ...”
“He fucking watched you? In the bath?” It’s not that he wants me to confirm it; it’s as though he’s trying to comprehend it or decide what to do about it. “You do realize if I ever see this cunt again, I’ll kill him, don’t you? I will fucking end him,” he says. He sounds completely and utterly serious. It’s almost frightening. I decide not to tell him about how he kissed me.
“I don’t think he’ll do it again ...”
Jake makes a low noise. “Oh, hedefinitelyfucking won’t. Trust me.”
“Jake, I don’t want to talk about him anymore.” My voice is soft and pleading. “He knows it’s over now. That I’m with you now. Now, I need you to believe that.”