Page 85 of A Dark Fall
Jake stares at me for the longest time, seeming to analyze every inch of my face before repeating the process over again. Anger has no negative effect on him in any way—he still looks as heartbreakingly gorgeous as he always does. I’ll never tire of looking at him. Will he tire of me though, as Ben said?
Finally, he speaks. “You’rewithme?” His voice is quiet and faintly dubious.
I frown. “Of course I’m with you. Isn’t that what this is?”
He lets out a breath. “Alex, I’ve honestly no fucking clue what this is.”
The words scare me, panic flooding me. He doesn’t know what this is? He sees something in my face and comes toward me, sliding a hand around my waist to pull me close. His other hand comes up to stroke the side of my face as he stares deep into my eyes.
“But if you tell me that it’s you and me ...” He trails off. “Then it’s you and me, yeah? This kind of thing, being with someone ... it’s rare for me. Really fucking rare. Being with you is ...” He shakes his head again, lost for words.
“Then there can’t be an endless supply of secrets between us, Jake. Yes, I lied about Ben, but I’ve always been open with you. About who I am ... about what I want and don’t want. Can you say the same? When am I a safe pair of hands to you?”
I feel his grip on me tighten, and thoughts toss and swirl behind his eyes. I can see them. Canalmosthear them.
“Alex, there’s so much I want to tell you. So much you should know about me.” He stares at where his fingers trace over my mouth.
“About why you’re no good for me?”
He nods, chewing the inside of his cheek in that way he does.
I sigh. “But one day, you will? One day, you’ll tell me everything?”
He gives me a long look and lowers his mouth to mine. I moan and press myself into him, sliding my arms up and around his neck as he deepens the kiss, his tongue roaming my mouth hungrily.
“Yeah,” he breathes. “As soon as I know you won’t leave me when I do, I’ll tell you everything.”
When his hand slides between my legs, I gasp loudly, latching onto his forearms to hold myself up. As he pushes me back onto the bed and begins to untie my robe, I let his mouth kiss away the last of my doubts. Right now, I need to feel his heat and his body and his mouth on me. Right now, I need to feel as though when I finally and completely fall, he’ll be right there to catch me.
Jake sleeping is quite a sight if I’m honest. Full mouth slightly pouting, thick, dark eyelashes resting against his faintly tanned cheeks, inked chest bare and muscular. I could quite easily lie here and watch him until the sun comes up. It might be possible since my head is packed full of thoughts and sleep is nowhere to be found. The longer I lie here, the more jumbled and loud I know they’ll become. My phone tells me it’s almost 5:00 a.m.
Getting out of bed as quietly as I can, I grab my robe from the floor and slip into the hall, pulling the bedroom door closed behind me. The staircase leading up to the attic room is squeaky, but not loud enough to wake him, I don’t think.
Upstairs is mainly dark, but the moonlight from the skylight shines down across my beloved Steinway. I try to remember the last time I was up here, and I can’t.
Sliding onto the stool, I press my bare foot against the pedal, wincing slightly at the cold. It’s a balmy night though, and my body still feels the aftereffects of Jake’s anger over Ben. He took me apart with his mouth first, worshiping my body to a delicious orgasm, until I felt weak and pliant. It was rough and commanding after that—hard from behind, fingers twisted in my hair as he whispered low words against my ear. It was possessive, and I only felt myself falling quicker. Despite his words before. Despite knowing he has secrets. Despite all of it.
“Moonlight Sonata” is the first piece I ever truly mastered. I say “mastered,” but I still sound amateurish to my own ears even after twenty years of practice. I keep my fingers light on the keys, not wanting to wake him, and after a while, I’m lost in the familiar, melancholic sound. One I always found sad. One that doesn’t quite fit my mood right now.
I’m not sad—not at all. Scared, yes. Scared about how completely he’s nestled beneath my skin, and by how quickly he’s done it. But I’m not sad. Any lingering hurt from Ben’s visit was gone soon after Jake took me to bed.
As my thoughts drift and meander, so does the piece, and I skip over some sections and repeat others. Mainly, it flows in an almost hypnotic continuum, and soon, my mind quiets and settles—although he never leaves it entirely. What secrets could undo what I feel for him? It frightens me to think of them, and so I don’t. I focus on the music instead. I remember what he did to my body instead. The sounds of his pleasure as he fucked me into the bed. A small, desperate moan escapes my lips.
Finally, my fingers slow to a natural stop.
When I sense movement behind me, I whip around to see he’s standing at the top of the stairs. He’s pulled his boxers on, but they’re tight and do nothing to quell the rush of lust that hits me at the sight of him there.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you up.”
“How come I had no fucking idea you could do that?”
“It’s never come up.” I shrug slightly, smiling. “How long have you been standing there?”
“Long enough to know you have very talented hands. But I suppose I knew that already.” He comes toward me. The moonlight illuminates him a little more as he moves across the attic room, and I almost gasp out loud at how gorgeous he looks. Sleepy and more than a little aroused. He’s breathtaking, but there’s a danger to his beauty, I’ve always thought. It heightens it, turns it into something else—something darker and more intoxicating.
When he stops behind me, I lean back against him with a sigh. A second later, I feel his mouth at my neck.
“What was that?” he asks. “Sounded familiar.”