Page 119 of Into the Dark

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Page 119 of Into the Dark

“Is that what they want you for? To…” I can’t even bring myself to say it.

“He’s safe in hospital.” The words, for now, are there unsaid.

I swallow. Glance away from his eyes. Fiddle with the hem of his shirt.

He finishes pulling on a long-sleeve T-shirt that hugs his body and dark navy pants that make his thighs look strong and muscular. He gives me a glance and then comes to hunch down in front of me. “Alex, if I tell you not to worry, you’re going to do it anyway, so I won’t tell you that. I’ll tell you something else instead: this is what I do. I’ve been doing it all my adult life. Running whenever Fred calls my name, asking how high when he tells me to jump. I’m good at it.” His tone is even but tinged with defeat. “Hiding things from people who trust me is also something I’m good at. This you know.” Guilt flashes in his green eyes. “And not getting caught is something else I’m very fucking good at. I know what I’m doing, so please trust me.”

“Stop telling me to trust you, Jake. I do trust you. In all the ways you can trust a person I trust you. But you’re right, I can’t stop worrying just because you tell me to. I won’t until this is over and you’re safe.”

The look that comes into his eyes then is a little unsettling. As though he’s saying that day might never come. He forces it away and stands up, smoothing a hand down my cheek. I watch as he takes a seat and starts to shove his feet into a pair of white trainers.

“He isn’t what I imagined,” I say.

Jake raises his eyebrows but says nothing.

“He seems…normal almost. Not at all how I thought he’d be. He’s…affable. Warm even.”

Jake’s face transforms with a dark frown. “Alex, listen to me.” He stands up and comes toward me again. “That’s what he does—he fools people into thinking he gives a shit, that he can be trusted, that he has humanity. I see him with Cale and I can’t believe he’s the same person I’ve seen break—” He cuts himself off. “I’ve known him fifteen years, and I’ve seen so many sides to him it makes my head spin. That’s what makes him dangerous. You think Kevin’s an animal? Kevin’s an untrained lapdog compared to those men downstairs. Those are three of the most dangerous men in London and they’ve done things that would keep you awake at night for a long time, and Fred makes them look harmless.”

The fluttering in my chest intensifies as my head begins to swim with all manner of dark, violent thoughts once more. I had a glimpse of that violence. The man I love demonstrated it in front of me. It was real. The locked door that is Jake’s other life opened a crack, and I stole a glimpse inside, and all I want to do is pull it closed again, lock it, and then burn the entire place down.

“And you? Have you done things that would keep me awake at night?”

He looks sad. “You know I have.”

We’re both silent for a long time while Jake looks about for his phone, wallet, and watch.

“What if he finds out the truth?” I ask in a small voice. “If Freddy finds out Kevin isn’t the informant.” I can barely breathe the fear is so acute. A piercing thing in my chest, through my heart.

“Baby, he won’t.”

“Jake…”

“Listen to me, yeah? Fred trusts me. He doesn’t trust a lot of people—I can count those people on half of one hand—but I’m one of them. He made me what I am, who I am. I’m like a son to him.” I can’t quite place the tone of Jake’s voice as he says this. Sadness? Guilt? “And that’s what’s gonna help me destroy him. He won’t even see it coming.”

The conviction drips from his words and floods his eyes, and it settles me a little. Except he never answered my question. What will Fred do if he finds out Jake is the one who betrayed him? I don’t push it. He won’t answer anyway. Because he doesn’t want me to worry.

I reach up on my tiptoes and press my mouth to his. “Okay then. You’d better hurry up—they’re waiting for you,” I say against the heat of his lips.

Nick answers the intercom with a croak of surprise before buzzing me into the modern carpeted foyer of his building. I passed a deli on the walk over, so I’m armed with coffee (tea for me) and pastries. I use my elbow to nudge the elevator button to take me up to his floor.

He opens the door wrapped in a navy Burberry bathrobe with his initials monogramed into the fabric, rubbing sleep from eyes, hair jutting out at haphazard angles.

“Morning! I brought breakfast,” I chirp as he pulls open the door to let me pass.

“Everything okay?” he asks warily, eyes lingering on my face.

“Yes, everything’s fine. I stayed at Jake’s last night and he had to leave early this morning, so thought I’d pop in and say hello before heading home.”

“It’s 9 a.m. on a Sunday morning, Al…”

“It’s almost ten. Were you out last night? You were at the gym like a psychopath when I called you.” I move past him before stopping. “Oh, sorry, is Jin here?”

“Um, no,” he says, a guilty look passing over his face. It gets my curiosity up.

“Is someone else here?” I frown.

“What? No, of course bloody not,” he huffs, insulted.




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