Page 147 of Into the Dark
“That was it?” I can barely draw breath.
“Yes. It was a five-minute conversation. I didn’t want to worry you, so I never mentioned it.” He flicks his eyes to me. “Was that all she said?” Some unguarded expression moves over his face, but his eyes are on the road and I can’t see fully.
“Did you tell them about the fight? About what happened?”
He laughs as if I’ve asked something ridiculous again. “No, Alex, I didn’t. Despite what you think, I’m not really in the habit of telling every fucking copper I come across my business, yeah? What else did Vic say to you?”
We’re about ten minutes from home now, and I suppose it isn’t too much to ask for us to finish this disagreement in the car and not drag it kicking and screaming into the kitchen again. There’s an expectant look in his eye when our stares meet again.
I take a deep breath and look out the window. “She said she’d never give you custody, that Fred would never let you take Caleb from her, that if you…” I swallow. No secrets between us. No more anyway. “She said if you tried to take him from her then she’d…make sure you never see him again. That she’d let them take you before Fred. I don’t… That was all.” I shut my mouth tight before I say anything else. When I glance over, Jake’s holding the steering wheel in a white-knuckle grip.
“It won’t happen again,” he says quietly. “You’ll never see her again.”
We’re pulling into my driveway when the question slips out. “Could she really hurt you?” I ask. “Does she know things that could hurt you?”
He parks behind my car and turns off the engine. Then he stretches across and curls a hand around my neck to press his forehead to mine. I notice his mouth looks dry and bitten with worry. I want to kiss it better.
“Listen to me, you don’t have to worry about her. Vicky’s unstable. She always fucking has been—it runs in the fucking family—but she isn’t going to hurt me or Cale or anyone. I won’t let that happen.”
“But—” I start, but he squeezes my neck to shush me.
“Alex, it’s noise. It’s loud and it’s irritating as fuck, but I’ve been dealing with it for years. I know how to handle it. Please don’t think about her anymore. She isn’t going to come near you again. I’ll make sure of it.” He kisses me then, hard and forceful, like he’s making a point.
I grip onto the fabric of his shirt and kiss him deeper, licking across his lip, which does feel rough and dry. When he pulls back, he keeps his eyes closed for a moment longer and takes a deep breath.
“Now go inside and get into bed, yeah? I won’t be long.”
I blink in surprise. “What? Won’t be long? Won’t be long where?”
The look that comes into his eye then tells me all I need to know.
“Jake no. No.” I shake my head. “You’re not going over there. Not tonight.”
“Alex, go inside.”
“No.” I fold my arms. “Jake, it’s almost ten o’clock and Caleb will be asleep, and if you go over there angry and shouting and he wakes up to it—just no, don’t be silly.”
He glares at me. “I’ll drive over there with you in the fucking car if I have to.”
“Oh, now you’re being bloody ridiculous!” I snap.
He bristles.
I soften my tone when I speak again. “Jake, I’ve had a really shit day. I’m tired and sore and pregnant, and all I want to do is go to bed with the man I love and at least pretend, just for a few hours, that we live perfectly normal lives and none of the things I worry about all day every day are real. Now are you seriously going to tell me that what you’d rather do right now is go fight with your ex-girlfriend? Seriously?” My eyes dare him to, at the same time warning him not to.
He holds my gaze for the longest time before finally popping open the driver’s door and stepping out. He comes around to meet me and helps me out of the car. “I’d have come to your office and given you a massage if you were sore,” he says, eyes rounded with concern. “You only need to phone me.” When he pulls me close and begins to knead the base of my spine with his hand, I groan with pleasure.
“Mmm. I’ll remember that next time,” I whisper, my eyes closed in bliss.
He uses his own key to open the door and locks it behind us, sending me upstairs while he puts fresh food out for Fred.
I’m half-asleep on my feet when he gets upstairs, but he helps strips me out of my work clothes and then sets about my grateful, aching body with warm, firm, oiled hands.
I’ve sat on this for over a week now, and I think now I finally understand the concept of being eaten up inside.
It’s nibbling away at every bit of truth and happiness Jake and I have between us at the moment, making it all feel unstable or false, and I hate it. We have enough eating away at that already. It’s just that I don’t know what to do. Meeting with her was already likely the wrong thing to do, and what I planned was to broach it with him again after some time passed to see if he still felt the same, but there just isn’t the time for that now. Susan’s condition makes that approach impossible. I wanted to talk to Rob about it last night, get her opinion, but it didn’t feel right to share this with her. This thing with his mother is his business. But his brother—surely there’s movement there? If he doesn’t want to see Susan or talk to Susan, then at least there’s now this possibility of a reunion with Jon. I know his feelings for him aren’t the same.
God, I have to speak to him. Tonight. Without fail. No matter what.