Page 176 of Into the Dark
“I’ve left the list of our French varieties, as requested by Mr. Lawrence, just there by your elbow.” He points to the black leather wine list under her napkin.
She giggles and gives me a long look that steals some of the breath from my lungs.
“Okay, well, I’ll leave you both to look over the menu for a few minutes and I’ll be back.” He gives me a look, and I nod my thanks to him before he disappears back out through the curtain.
“You spoke to your mum?” I ask.
She lifts her head from the menu and nods. “She went down at about six, Mum said, no problem at all. Caleb was still helping Dad with his jigsaw.” She smiles. “But she’ll call if she needs to. Left plenty of milk so she should go back down—you know how good she is.”
I nod. “Part-princess, part-cat.”
Alex laughs. “Yes. Which means she’s perfect. We made a perfect baby. Thank you.”
“Nah. It was my pleasure.” I wink.
She’s thanked me for Em way too many times. Because I chose the jigsaw piece, apparently. But it was all her. Carrying her in her body. Bringing her into the world. I was a bystander. A hand-holder. A crier too. Who fucking knew? Watching Alex with our daughter is something close to complete and utter fulfillment. She’s a goddess. A mother like I never knew existed. Em’s the only person on the planet I relinquish Alex’s attention to. The only person I don’t mind losing out to.
“This haircut is really growing on me, you know.” She smiles, reaching across the table to take my hand. She called it extreme at first. “You look so beautiful.”
I look beautiful? I don’t think I’ll ever fully get to grips with how Alex sees me. Never. So I smile, shrugging off the compliment. “So do you,” I reply.
She lifts her glass as I stroke the fingers of her left hand. I’ve always had a thing for Alex’s hands. Maybe it came from the night she stitched me back together. Calm, talented hands. Hands that have saved lives, including mine. And that was before I knew they could play piano or burp children. Now I want a ring on one to show the world that she belongs to me. In every other way, she already does, but this will finish it. Her parents might never accept it, not fully, but her dad gave me his blessing all the same. When I went to drop Cale and Em off last night, I was sick with nerves as I spoke to them about what I planned to do. Tom was careful, accepting, serious. Eve less impressed.
“So, I, eh, wanted to tell you both something—or, well…” I’d looked at Tom and smiled awkwardly. “Ask you something at least, Tom. You probably know what it is already.”
Eve looked at Tom. Tom stared at me, Emilia cradled lovingly in his arms. His face was open and soft, and it was the only thing that gave me the balls to keep talking.
“I’m going to ask Alex to marry me. Tomorrow night. I just wanted you both to know that. First.” I stared at her dad hoping he got what I was at least attempting to do here. I couldn’t come right out and ask him, but he’s a smart guy. He nodded a few times, expression sort of unreadable, and then he looked at Eve. A look passed between them before he turned back to me and nodded again.
“She’s going to make an honest man of you then?” He smiled—a little tightly, I reckon.
“She already has. But I want to make it official, you know.”
“Have you bought a ring?” Eve piped up.
“Of course. Rob helped me pick it out.” I nodded. “I think she’ll like it.”
Eve nodded a few times, mouth in a curiously straight line. Giving fuck all away, like always.
“You and Robyn both know our daughter very well. I’m sure she will,” Tom said generously.
I sighed and ran a hand over my mouth. “Look, I know what you both think of me, and I agree with you. She’s too good for me. I don’t deserve her. I know that. But trust me when I say that I love her and will keep loving her for the rest of my life. Her and my children are my life, and nothing will ever change that—I’ll spend every day trying to deserve them. I’d like your blessing, but I’m gonna ask her to marry me whether you give me it or not. Because I can’t live without her. I won’t live without her.”
The temperature in the kitchen seemed to drop a few degrees, and all sets of eyes—including Caleb and Emilia’s—stared back at me hard. The silence stretched out a little longer than I’d have liked.
“You have it, Jake,” Tom said finally. “We know you’ll take care of her. We know.”
For some reason, I turned my eyes on Eve. She was watching me closely, her hand resting on Caleb’s shoulder. I have no idea why I needed her mum’s acceptance so much. The woman dislikes me—intensely, I think. Less than she did to begin with, I’m sure, but there will never be a second where she’s happy I’m the guy Alex chose. Never.
“Well, you certainly know how to put your point across, Jake,” she said. There was respect in her tone, but whether it was grudging or not, I don’t know. “Caleb, sweetie, will you go and get my glasses from the big bedroom upstairs? They’re by the bed in a very bright purple box.” She looked down at him with a warm, genuine smile—more genuine than any smile she’s ever given me. He nodded eagerly and bolted past me out of the room. “Don’t run!” she shouted after him, and the sound of his footsteps slowed down. Eve took a few steps toward me and fixed me with a hard glare. “You make Alexandra very happy, Jake, we all know that—we can all see that. But for weeks I listened to my daughter cry herself to sleep over you, and that’s something I find very hard to forget. I wish I could, but I can’t. You have a daughter now, and you’ll learn soon enough how hard it is to watch her heart ache over a boy.”
A boy. A boy is exactly how she sees me, in fact.
“But yes. We give you our blessing, our congratulations, and our support in your marriage—but if you ever hurt our daughter again, even in the slightest of ways, then there will be no room for you in our home. Your children will be loved and supported always, but you will not be welcome here. Do you understand me?”
All I could think about then was that if they knew how I almost got her killed that night, this conversation would be going very fucking differently.
I swallowed and nodded slowly, turning to look at Tom and my daughter, who were both staring at me expectantly. Then I turned back to Alex’s mother. “I understand. But trust me when I say that I will never hurt her, never again, and I’ll never let anyone or anything else hurt her either. I’m going to spend my life protecting her and our children.” My voice was firm and my eyes serious, and I wanted to ask her if she thought I was lying, but I didn’t.