Page 40 of Into the Dark
Jake: Baby I’m sorry. Been driving since I left you. On my way back to London now—call when I get there. Jx
He’s safe. That’s all that matters. My fear that Freddy Ward discovered everything and Jake was lured back into some trap was built on nothing but paranoia. And if I don’t want to drive myself insane with paranoia and fear then I have to trust he knows what he’s doing and can navigate his way through this. He knows this world. He lives in it.
I type out the reply quickly.
Me: I can’t wait to see you. I love you. Ax
I almost tell him to be careful, but then it occurs to me that might say more than I want it to, and if anyone happens to see the message…
So I don’t. Instead, I run a very hot bubble bath and soak myself in it for over an hour while I try not to worry about him. Is it too late to stop this? To tell Mark he’s changed his mind? What does that mean for Mark’s previous investigation? Maybe now Freddy Ward has suspicions, Mark will understand if Jake simply walks away from his end of the deal. Is that possible?
Is that what I want?
But wasn’t this his choice? His clean way out. The only way out.
A choice you forced on him. A choice he’s making for you. Because you can’t love a man like him.
And so the alternative is what, exactly? To stand by him while he continues to be the person he was before? Dangerous and illegitimate business streams. I told him I’ve changed, yes, but I still can’t accept those things. It’s not who I am, and it’s not who I want him to be. I’m certain it’s not who he wants to be either. Not anymore.
The sound of my cell phone drags me from my thoughts. I wipe my hands on the towel before stretching across to pick it up. His name flashing across the screen makes everything seem instantly lighter.
“Hi,” I say.
“Baby, I’m so sorry. I’m almost done—another hour at most.” He talks quietly as though he doesn’t want to be overheard.
“Don’t apologize. It’s fine.”
“I know, but I didn’t think it would take this long. I’ve literally been driving all fucking day. But I just got back into London. I need to drop something off in Fulham, then I’m yours.”
“And here was me thinking you were already mine.” The joke comes easily despite the lead weight of worry in my chest.
He laughs. “What the fuck am I on about? You own my arse—think we both know that.”
“Then I’m the proud owner of a very delectable arse.”
“Yours is better.”
“Charmer.”
“Wish I were there charming you in person, to be honest. With my cock.” He adds the last part quietly, causing me to blush and giggle at the same time.
“I do too,” I whisper back. “But just do what you need to do. I’m here waiting for you.” I sink back under the water slowly.
“Are you in the bath?”
“You know most nights this is where I am. It relaxes me.”
“You’re stressed?” There’s a hint of concern in his voice.
“No, I’m sexually frustrated.”
He curses quietly. “Two nights in a row I’ve left my woman sexually frustrated. Who the fuck am I turning into?”
“Your woman?”
“Mine,” he confirms.
“You know, I actually like the sound of that. Never mind you—who am I turning into?”