Page 49 of Into the Dark
Kelly and I have never spoken about that night again, but she casts the odd hopeful glance in my direction anytime I come in here. Interesting since Vic told me plenty back then about how her friends told her to get rid of me back when we were together. They told her having my kid was a big mistake. That I’d never be there for her. That I’m not worth her time. My vague recollection of how much her best friend thought my time was worth ten months ago is a bit different.
The room I fucked Kelly in looks like it’s had a revamp. I’m pretty sure the couch was black leather before. It’s now a gray fabric corner one. I really hope it’s new because the thought of Cale on the same sofa where I fucked his “Aunt Kelly” makes me a little queasy.
Caleb is sitting cross-legged on it, his headphones on, while he munches happily on a brown bread sandwich. He’s beautiful. My son is beautiful. Other than Alex, he’s the only perfect, pure thing I’ve ever laid eyes on. I walk over and ruffle his hair softly, and he looks up at me. His eyes widen as he begins to bounce up and down on the couch, his iPad discarded by his side like the sandwich.
“Dadddaaaayyyyy!” he squeals.
I reach down and lift him up into my arms with an exaggerated groan, planting a kiss on his forehead. “Hey, buddy, what’s up? Mum said you were sick last night. You feeling better?”
He squeezes his eyes closed but nods his head. “I was sick, and it was smelly.” He starts to nibble the nail on his forefinger, but I reach down and pull it gently out of his mouth, shaking my head at him in warning. He pouts, cute as fuck.
“But you’re better now?” I ask.
He nods again.
“You wanna hang out for a bit? Come shopping with your dad?”
This time, he bobs his head enthusiastically.
“Shopping for what? Don’t buy him any more bloody toys, Jake. He has enough fucking shit.”
My back tenses as I bite my tongue. I smile at Cale. “Where’s your jacket, buddy?” I ask him.
“Aunty Kelly hanged it up.” He points vaguely in the direction of the front of the shop.
I lower him to the floor and tell him to go ask Aunty Kelly to get it for him and to button the buttons himself before he comes back. When I hear his little feet scurrying off down the hallway, I turn to Vicky.
“If I want to buy him toys or clothes or a baby grand fucking piano, I’ll do it, yeah?” I move a little closer to her so I can lower my voice. “And secondly, watch your fucking mouth in front of him. How many times do I have to say it? I know it’s hard for you to keep your trap shut most of the time, Vicky, but try, yeah?”
Her nostrils flare as her eyes narrow on me. “You have some nerve—you know that?”
I gesture with a flick of my head for her to elaborate.
“You waltz in here and sweep him up, and you’re the good guy because you play football with him and take him to the zoo and buy him toys?” She shakes her head and points a finger at her chest. “Well, I’m the one who cleaned up his fucking sick at three o’clock this morning. I’m the one who showers him and changes his sheets when he wets the bed. I’m the one who’s got to listen him when he cries for his daddy, wondering why he can’t see him every day. So I swear in front him every now and again—it don’t make me a bad mother. And trust me on this, Jake, you are far from being a great fucking dad.” Her eyes shimmer, tears threatening. I can’t tell if its anger or upset, and honestly, it’s never much mattered. Vicky crying has never had much of an effect on me. She’s a manipulative bitch whose motives are never pure. But the guilt I feel at her words is surprising. I mean, she’s accused me of this shit before, but it hits different today. Maybe because I’m trying to be better now.
“You’re right,” I say with a nod.
She flinches in surprise. “What?”
“You’re right. I don’t do enough. I haven’t been doing enough. Yeah, I’m about, and yeah, I’ve given you money, but it’s not enough.”
“What are you saying?” she asks. Her eyes are still suspicious, but they’re a little bright, more hopeful.
“I need to do more. I need to be there when he needs me. And if that’s every day then maybe it’s my turn.”
She swallows, breathing fast. “But what does that mean?”
“It means he should come live with me. Full-time.”
Her mouth drops open, eyes going wide. That’s clearly not what she expected me to say. “What?”
“You’re saying it’s been too much for you, that I don’t do enough.” I shrug. “You’re right. So let’s do something about it. Let’s switch the situation. Cale comes to live with me.”
“Look, Daddy, I did all the buttons!” Caleb yells as he barrels into the room toward me.
I reach down and lift him up again, noticing the top buttonhole is free and the rest are buttoned in the wrong holes all the way down. “Almost. What happened here?” I stick my finger through the free buttonhole at the top and wiggle it at him, lightly tapping him on the nose. When I wink at him he giggles then tries to wink back, screwing up both blue eyes at me. “Well? Did you lose a button, or is this an extra hole?”
“Umm,” he says, biting his bottom lip as he looks in confusion at the top button.