Page 59 of Into the Dark

Jake shifts in his chair, stares at his food, then sets his fork down. “I kinda didn’t want to fight with her today…” he says almost guiltily.

“And you and I being together again would have meant a fight?” It’s not really a question because I know Vicky still has feelings for him. I saw that the day I went to his apartment. He confirmed it.

Jake rubs the back of his neck. When he looks at me his eyes are hesitant. Careful. “I mean…yeah, I guess. And I don’t want to piss her off right now.”

“You don’t want to piss her off.”

“I’ve asked her for full custody,” Jake blurts.

My mouth drops open, my eyes widening.

“I’ve wanted it, him with me, you know that. But my life is chaotic most of the time—I mean, hers is too—but if something had happened to him because he lived with me…” Jake visibly pales. “But if I’m getting out of this, if my life is gonna be different, then I can do it, you know? With you by my side, I know we can give him the kind of life I’ve always wanted him to have.” He reaches across and takes my hand. “I should have talked to you about it ’cause it affects you too, and I’m sorry about that, but I’m trying to get myself to the place I wanna be, and that involves you and Cale, and I saw an opportunity today and I thought…”

He’s rambling now. It’s so completely unlike him. It’s adorable.

“Jake, it’s fine. I get it. I support you.” I stroke my fingers over his. “If this is what you want then we’ll do it together.”

He smiles at me, eyes so full of love it takes my breath away a little. “Thank you,” he says. He grips my hand tighter. “I love you—you know that?”

“I know.”

He nods, sitting up straighter.

“So what did she say?”

“She’ll think about it. We’ll talk to Cale and see what he wants. But it’s not an outright no.”

“Well, that’s positive.”

He looks up at me. “I need him with me, Alex, you know. When this is done, when it’s just you and me, I need him with me. I want you and him to be with me. That’s all I want.”

“Then we’ll do everything to make it happen.”

He relaxes further. “I asked him what he wants to be when he grows up today.” Jake’s face is sad. “Know what he said?”

“What?”

“Happy.”

I almost drop my fork. “You don’t think he’s happy, Jake? How can he not be happy? He’s three.”

Jake shakes his head. “I asked him that too. He said that most grown-ups aren’t happy. He said Mummy isn’t happy, Jason isn’t happy, Auntie Kelly isn’t happy. Sometimes Uncle Fred is happy, but he doesn’t see him lots.” Jake looks down guiltily. “I asked him if he thinks I’m happy and he said yes, but only when Mummy isn’t there.”

So Jake and Vicky are miserable around Caleb. This little boy being so aware of his parents’ feelings for each other, their animosity for each other, makes me sad. I’d never want that for our child. It will never happen to our child.

“Then he should be around you more.” I squeeze his hand reassuringly. “We’ll find a way for Caleb to live with us, if not full-time then as frequently as possible.”

His head snaps up. “Us?”

Heat blooms on my cheeks. “I just mean…if we one day decide to live together, then I’m more than happy for Caleb to live with us. I don’t want you to think that will ever be a problem. I didn’t mean to freak you out.” I bring my hand to my mouth, hoping that if I cover it, it will somehow stop saying words.

When I look at Jake, he’s grinning. Altogether too wide. Too smug. “You didn’t freak me out, baby. I fucking love that you said us. That’s all I want. I want him happy and living with us.” The grin turns into something softer, his eyes warm. “So…was that you asking me to move in with you?”

My face is red, I’m sure of it. But the fluttering of excitement in my tummy is something else. “It wasn’t.” I nibble on my lip as I look at him. “Do you want to move in with me?” The excitement morphs and transforms, leaving a very real desire for him to live with me. I do want that.

“Funny. I was thinking about that today, actually. Wondering if I could move my life out here to the country with you.” He casts a look around the kitchen before bringing his eyes back to me.

“And…could you?” I hold my breath as he thinks about his answer.