Page 62 of Into the Dark
The sound of his chuckle is covered by my loud, pleasured moan as he sinks his finger inside me.
Worrying about our lives and how we’ll get out of this mess seems almost abstract when I think about his physical safety. As far as I’m concerned, the second he left this house he was in danger, and so I worry.
He calls just before midnight to tell me he’s about to set off and will be driving for a few hours. He’s with Fred and so he can’t talk long, but he tells me he loves me and misses me. Then, before hanging up, he adds in that quiet, guttural growl that he can still taste me on his fingers. A parting shot designed to send me to sleep turned on, clearly.
Ten minutes later he texts to tell me he’s driving to Scotland with Kevin, who turned up at the last second from wherever he was. My mind, of course, goes into overdrive. What’s in Scotland? Who’s in Scotland? Is whatever’s in Scotland dangerous or illegal? Of course it is. Because that’s who he is. That’s who Fred is. And that’s why he’s changing his life.
Before I drift off to sleep I think about Mark. Is he still watching Jake? That’s when I realize, far from being a bad thing, the thought of Mark watching Jake gives me some comfort. In fact, the idea of another set of eyes on him makes the tight feeling in the back of my neck a little looser.
On my lunch on Wednesday I call my mum, the phone ringing for so long I’m about to hang up.
“Helloooo, 95864.”
“Hi, Mum, it’s me. Sorry, were you busy? I was just about to hang up.” I lift my scalding-hot Americano carefully and sip from the rim. Its bittersweet taste settles deliciously on my tongue. Something else I’ll have to give up soon.
“Oh, Alex, sweetheart, hi!” she chirps. “No. Well, yes. I was upstairs sorting through your brother’s bedroom. You remember I wanted to make it into a craft room?” Of course I do. She’s spoken about nothing else since he moved out. That and the new kitchen, which is thankfully behind us now. “Well, I decided to just get the ball rolling. I ordered the most delightful wallpaper from this place down in Devon—you’d love it, Alexandra, very New England Quaker—and your father is away to Wickes to pick up the shelves and bits and pieces—oh, I hope he doesn’t forget the No More Nails. I want to get it finished this weekend,” she says in a rush. “Is everything okay with you, darling?”
Actually, Mum, now that you ask, I’m pregnant with Jake’s child. Jake’s the guy I mentioned before who broke my heart. He’s a nightclub owner with links to a London crime lord he’s in the process of turning in to the police. How did I get pregnant? Well, that was an accident. I was so distracted after he told me about his secret son that I stopped taking my pill, and then we had unprotected sex on the hall stairs. “Yes, everything’s good, Mum,” I say instead.
“Oh great, sweetheart, and how did the rest of Robyn’s wedding go? It was such a beautiful day. Your dad and I had a lovely time. We talked about your piano playing all the way home.”
“It was a lovely day, wasn’t it? Although I never actually made it to the end I was so exhausted.” And by exhausted, I mean pregnant. “But actually, something happened.”
“How do you mean?” She sounds puzzled and a little alarmed.
“Something good, don’t worry,” I reassure her, taking a deep breath. “So Jake turned up. Robyn invited him. It was a complete surprise.”
There’s a pause on Mum’s end. Then, “Jake? From before?”
I managed to dodge most of her questions in France, telling her I was just tired, that I’d been working too hard since the promotion, and that I really just wanted to rest. She bought it for longer than I expected, Nick stepping in whenever I needed to divert her attention onto him. But as I was washing up one night after dinner, she cornered me in the kitchen. Turned out she’d heard Nick and Tash talking about how I was upset over a guy. Since I didn’t want Mum to refer to Jake as just “a guy” I gave her his name.
“Yes. Jake from before again.” I gulp down a large mouthful of my cooling coffee while I wait for her disapproval or something similar. Nothing comes. It’s unsettling. “Say something, Mum.”
“Well…I suppose it’s good you’re not upset anymore.” It’s careful and diplomatic. Very un-Mum-like. “It upset me seeing you like that, darling. I don’t like that this man hurt you, Alex. Badly.”
Defensive, I shake my head. “He didn’t hurt me. I mean, of course I was hurt…” I trail off, not knowing what exactly to say. He did hurt me. I hurt him. We hurt each other the day the truth spilled out on the kitchen floor. “We both hurt each other, I suppose is more accurate. It’s complicated. Relationships are complicated, Mum.”
“Oh, I know that, Alexandra,” she chides gently before taking a deep breath. “And so…these complications are fixed now?”
I consider my words carefully. “We’ve talked. A lot. And we both understand why things happened the way they did. I understand him so much better now, Mum. He’s trying so hard to give me everything I need, to be who I need, you have no idea.” He’s risking his life for me. He’s changing his entire world for me. God, how I wish I could tell her everything.
“Well then, that’s a very good start.”
“I love him, Mum.”
She makes a small gasping noise. “You do?”
“Yes.”
“Oh, but Alex. It’s so soon. Isn’t it soon?” She sounds alarmed again.
“Maybe, but it doesn’t feel like it. I feel like I’ve known him forever.” The moment I saw him I felt like I knew him already. Like maybe I’d dreamed him. Just like he dreamed of me.
“Well, you do sound much happier, darling. I’m glad about that.” She sounds genuine, if not entirely convinced. But Mum knows I’m levelheaded. Sensible, normally. “Then we want to meet him, and soon.”
“Actually, that’s why I was calling. Are you and Dad free this week? I was going to suggest we come over for dinner.”
“Oh, yes, we’d love that. We’re both free. Oh, wait—” I hear some rustling. “We have a play on Friday, and Saturday is June and Richard’s anniversary dinner.” Honestly, my parents are more social than anyone I know. “We’re free tomorrow night?”