Page 88 of Into the Dark
“Yes, I am. I’m having the baby.”
“Then why not tell him? He’d want to know that, surely,” she says, humorless.
“Of course he would. And I will. I just found out a few days ago, and my head has literally been spinning with it ever since. I just needed a few days to get myself used to the idea, you know?” I’m willing her to understand. And because it’s Rob, and because she’s my best friend, she nods understandingly.
“So, now that you’re used to the idea, now that you know you’re going to have the baby, why not tell him? You can’t be scared about how he’ll react. Alex, you know he’s insanely in love with you.”
“I know that. I know he is. It’s not that—it’s just…what if he doesn’t want another baby with another woman?”
Rob looks horrified. She comes around the island to stand right in front of me. “You’re not another bloody woman. For him, you’re the woman.”
I nod, feeling very emotional suddenly. I take a deep breath and decide to skirt as close to the truth as possible. “The timing is terrible, though, Rob. Things are really stressful for him right now—work-wise and family-wise—and I don’t want to give him something else to stress about, you know? I want him to be happy when I tell him, not confused and stressed and weighed down with worry, Rob.”
She thinks about this for a long moment. “Okay, but maybe he won’t see it as a stress. Maybe he’ll be ecstatic about it. Yeah, it’s soon, I guess, for you two, but he’s a dad already, so it’s not like this is a completely alien concept to him. He knows the drill.”
I lift my eyes to hers and nod. That is true. “I know that too. Clearly, I’m the one that’s freaking out. He’ll most likely be fine. At least I hope he will. I just think the timing is so awful right now that it might color things, and god, I want him to be happy about it. And once he deals with the issue at work I know he’ll be in a much better place to hear it. I just have to wait for a bit. A few weeks.”
“A few weeks? Alex, he’ll bloody notice by then!” She casts a look downward to my tummy. “I mean, what are you right now? What did the doctor say?”
“I’m seeing her on Wednesday. But I’m about eight weeks.”
“Ah, so in a few weeks you’ll be due a scan, and so you can tell him on the way to the hospital—perfect!” Her voice is tinged with sarcasm.
“Oh, Rob, don’t. Please!” I groan.
She sighs and looks down at the front of my floral dress again, her eyes settling keenly on my body. When she reaches across and presses her hand gently to my stomach it feels somewhat tender, and I wince slightly, causing her to retract her hand quickly.
“Shit, sorry, did that hurt?” She looks frightened.
I shake my head. Her touch wasn’t painful, just slightly odd.
“Well, he’s going to notice, Alex. Another two at most and he’ll know. How will he feel then? When he finds out you knew all this time and didn’t tell him? How did you feel when you found out about Caleb the way you did?”
I give her a wide-eyed stare. “Rob, that’s not the same, come on!”
“No, maybe not. But he’ll wonder why you didn’t tell him and why you kept it from him. Isn’t that the same?”
I didn’t think about that. Why didn’t I think about that? I only thought about the reasons why I can’t tell him right now. It didn’t occurr to me that he might actually be hurt I didn’t come to him with it straight away. I know him though; Rob doesn’t. He’ll understand why I waited.
Won’t he?
I swallow and shake my head. “Not if I explain why I did it. He’ll understand…I know he will,” I mutter, more to myself than Robyn. When I look back at her she’s pensive, still wary. Then, finally, she nods her head and lets out a long, loud sigh.
“Okay, babe. I just really hope you know what you’re doing. I hate that you’re having to go through all this alone,” she says sadly.
“I’m not alone. I have you now.”
Her serious expression is replaced a moment later by a warm smile. “Yes, you do.” She nods, moving toward me to wrap her arms around me. She’s careful this time not to press against my tender stomach. “You definitely have me.” An instant later she pulls back from my body with the biggest grin on her face, her eyes bright and wide again. “Oh my god, Alex…you’re pregnant! You’re having a baby. Oh my god!” She squeals before hugging me again. With her arms wrapped around me, I feel myself slowly begin to relax as the hope and simmering joy seeps from her into me. “This is so amazing, babe. So exciting.”
“You think?” I grip tightly onto her arms, but the smile spreads over my mouth.
She pulls back from me, holding onto my arms still. “Of course it is! Yes! You’re going to be a bloody amazing mum, Al! And I cannot believe you’re first! I mean, I’m married and I’ve been with Dan for ten years, and you’re first! God, maybe I should give Dan what he wants after all.” She gapes. “You know I always wanted our babies to grow up together. Oh god, this could be perfect! I should make an appointment with the doctor on Monday and get this bloody implant out.”
“Rob,” I say, wide-eyed. “Maybe take a second to think about this.”
“I’m serious!” she says, sounding it. “But god, I need a glass of wine first before I can’t have any for months!” She pulls the fridge open and fills up a large glass with a cold white wine that makes my mouth water. “Okay, here’s what I don’t get though: how it actually happened. I thought you went on the pill again after Ben.”
“I did. I mean, I was. I was careless—not just that night, but I forgot a few. Christ, I’m literally the worst example ever.” I touch my hand to my head, genuinely embarrassed. “I was due to start my course again the night of the dinner party here, but that was the night we fought and the day before the whole Caleb and Vicky thing, and it went completely out of my head.” I peer around at her in the hope she’ll understand.