Page 121 of Pinch of Love

Large oak trees clung to the last of summer, sprinkling a colorful quilt on the thick grass. It was quiet here.

Always was.

I clutched the pink daisies as I wandered through the park-like setting, and I pretended I was anywhere but here.

Freya.

Today was our anniversary.

The monuments dotted the landscape in various shades of stone—white marble, black granite, grey limestone.

But it wasn’t the cemetery I needed. It was the beautiful public park that was connected to it from behind. Freya's favorite lake. After her passing, I donated to the park, and they made a monument in her honor set in the middle of flowers with a nice park bench. It had taken me days to come up with the inscription that spoke to who she was.

I wound down the path to where an angel draped over a granite bench beckoned me as I wiped away the tears threatening my resolve to stay strong.

I knelt in front of the bench and touched the cold stone as the angel smiled at me. I’d found an odd comfort in that angel’s smile up until today. Today, I wanted the warmth of the woman I had loved. Her wisdom.

Just her.

Because I needed to know that it was okay.

Okay to love again.

I let out a slow breath, feeling the rough letters of Freya’s name carved onto the plague, and shook my head.

“I miss you, love. I miss you as much today as I did the night you never came home.” I wiped my nose and looked at the horizon before turning back. “And I am so sorry that I was such a fool. Such a forgetful, self-absorbed fool. All I had to do was remember to pick up one thing. And I failed you. I failed us.”

I fell from my kneeling position and sat in silence.

“Rusty passed four months ago. It was like he was my last connection to you. He was the one thing I could hold onto, knowing you held him too. But I now have Chewie. She’s not quite as regal as an Irish setter. Actually, she’s a teacup Pom. Long story, but I saved her life. She certainly wouldn’t impress your dad when it came to a hunting trip, but she’s done the job. She brings lots of laughs.”

I cleared my throat and wiped my eyes again. “But I have to tell you that after six years of going in circles, I still suck at life without you. I think I’m known as the town hermit or the town crank.” I laughed.

“Shit. Maybe both, but I’ve been so heavy without you, Freya. You were my light. But about a month ago, I started to see a little spark flicker again. And I’m scared shitless that I’ll do wrong again. And her life is already complicated. Remember Millie? It’s her granddaughter. And she called her ‘the hot-mess express’. And that’s being generous. The woman got herself stuck in a wall. Kind of like you got yourself trapped in the outhouse.”

Only the birds chirped. I didn’t know what I expected coming here, but I knew I had to do it.

I shook my head and continued. “I see similarities. I see her openness to the world. I see the possibility of light again. But I don’t want to disappoint you. I want to honor you and make things right.” I laid the pink daisies down and hung my head in my hands. “I want to make you proud.”

When I looked at my watch, I was shocked to see that hours had gone by. It had felt like minutes. There was no way I’d make it to the store tonight.

I stared at the angel cradling the bench and read the words. The words I had memorized haunted my life and everyone who knew her, who loved her.

Gone too soon...

But...

God needed her light to keep the moon aglow,

to keep the world spinning,

to keep the angels singing.

I touched the monument, expecting the chill of the stone, but felt warmth instead. I closed my eyes and brought in a deep breath, vowing to make the right decisions and to be open again.

Open again.

And it started today.