Page 20 of Count Down

I start the car and pull away from the curb, vowing to keep Gina out of my mind and not meddle in her life any more than I have to.

It’s the way it has to be.

18

GINA

A painin my stomach wakes me early in the morning. I had really weird dreams. Blurs of scenes that don’t make sense.

In one dream, I was a jester dancing for a king. He kept demanding me to dance faster and jump higher. It was one of those dreams where no matter how hard you try, it’s a struggle just to move. I couldn’t jump more than an inch off the ground.

In another, I was climbing a tree with Luca. He was always just a few branches above me and kept calling for me to keep climbing. My father was at the base of the tree, screaming at us that it was his tree and he was going to cut it down. Luca kept telling me we would be safe if we just climbed higher.

Luca calling to me was the only part of my dreams that didn’t stress me out. I even wanted to keep dreaming just to hear his voice.

I roll over to look at the time on my phone. 7:15. My father won’t have left for work yet.

I check the messages on my phone. Nothing new. Just the messages from last night when I texted Lexi after my father and I had the fight. I told her I wanted to move into the apartment as soon as we could. I told her I’d have the money for her as soon as she needed it.

Now, in the sober light of daytime, I wonder how I’ll still get the last $600 I need. I’ll get it some way. Even if I need to sell almost everything in my room, I’ll get the money.

I lie in bed and stare out the window of my room. The sky is a bright clear blue. It looks like it will be a really nice day. But that doesn’t do anything for me right now.

I lay there until I hear my father leave. Then I get dressed and go downstairs.

My mother may still be here. That doesn’t bother me as much. I just don’t feel like seeing my father. I don’t know what I’m going to do this morning, but I don’t want to sit around in my parents’ house, feeling locked up. I’ll just drive somewhere, maybe a coffee shop.

I plan to head down the stairs and right out the front door, but when I get to the base of the stairs, my mother calls me from the kitchen. “Gina?”

“Yeah?” I pause by the front door.

“Can you come in here?”

I walk tentatively to the kitchen. She’s sitting at a stool behind the spotless kitchen island. I’m relieved to see that she doesn’t have the Drexel University brochure with her. She looks tired. I feel a pang of sympathy for her.

She hasn’t been the best mother. But she hasn’t been awful. She’s always been on the sideline, just behind my father, following where he leads. I can only imagine how that is for her, but I do feel like I have some sense of it. It’s how my father is. He wants to be in charge. He wants the people around him to just shut up and do what he says.

“What’s up?” I ask, trying to take a soft tone with her. I want her to know I don’t blame her.

“Are you really moving out?”

Guilt swells up in my chest. I don’t want her to think I’m running away from her. I don’t want her to think I’m abandoning her. “I am. I have to.”

“I know,” she sighs. She looks down in her hands and I see she’s holding a small silver and gold watch. “You’ll need some money. Take this.” She hands the watch to me across the counter. I look at it skeptically. “You should be able to pawn it and use the money to help you move.”

I look up at her face, not yet accepting the watch. She looks back up to me, seeing something in my face that makes her continue. “I don’twantyou to leave. But I know you’re not happy. I know you can’t stay here.”

“Won’t Dad notice it’s missing?”

“It’s not his.”

I take the watch in my hands. It’s small, a women’s watch. It’s old but in good condition. It’s heavier than it looks. As I roll it in my hands, I see that it’s a Rolex.

“Your father bought me that watch after I gave birth to you.” My mother explains. “So, it’s just as much yours as it is mine.”

She gets up and walks around the island toward me. She kisses me on the cheek. “Good luck.”

She walks out of the kitchen, and I hear her walk up the stairs. I slip the watch into my pocket.