Page 6 of Count Down

Thinking back on our fight, I wouldn’t be that surprised if they didn’t come tonight. Still, I’d be upset if they didn’t. I may be in the corps, but I’m not invisible. And right now, I need to focus.

The music from the orchestra says it’s about time for me to enter the stage. I take a deep breath, lift my head, and drop my shoulders.

When I hear my cue, I step out onto the ramp and into the stage light. The audience applauds as I raise one leg straight behind me into an arabesque. They aren’t necessarily clapping for me. They know this scene. It’sTheKingdom of the Shades, part of the second act ofLa Bayadére.

I take two steps down the long ramp as Lexi steps out behind me, matching my movement exactly. I step onto my back foot and point my front foot to the floor in a tendu, then another arabesque. Thirty more corps members will follow us. As the lead, I’ll perform this sequence 39 times during our entrance. It’s repetitive, but it creates an absolutely stunning effect.

La Bayadéreis about a temple dancer, Nikiya, who is in love with a warrior, Solor. The High Brahmin falls in love with Nikiya, but she rejects him. So the Brahmin plans to destroy Solor. Nikiya ends up dying (spoiler alert) and Solor takes a bunch of opium where he dreams of being reunited with Nikiya.

That’s what this scene is.TheKingdom of the Shadesis Solor’s opium hallucination where he sees 32 copies of Nikiya. We’re all dancing in unison in his drug-addled mind. In the end, Solor is to be married and the gods destroy the temple during the wedding. In death, Nikiya and Solor are reunited.

Like most ballets, the story is a bit out there. A prince falls in love with a girl who was turned into a swan (Swan Lake). A guy falls in love with a life-size doll and the creator of the doll wants to steal his soul to put into it (Coppélia). Or a broken toy takes a girl to the land of sweets (The Nutcracker).

The stories are not my favorite parts of ballet. It’s the choreography. It’s the way the stories are told through dance and movement. I love the choreography ofLa Bayadére. My dream isn’t to become a soloist or a principal in the ballet. I want to be a choreographer.

My mind loves to choreograph as much as my body loves to dance. I love to get lost in every little detail of movement in a performance. I love designing movements to tell a story, evoke an emotion, and accentuate the music all in one. I’m almost finished with my piece for PBT’s summer showcase. I can’t wait to see my vision come to life on the stage.

Before I even realize it, the scene is over. It’s like my mind shut down and my body took over during the performance. I barely remember it, but the feeling is strong. As I exit the stage, the sound of the applause boosts my spirits for a moment.

I hope this wasn’t my last performance. I can’t even imagine not dancing anymore. Will I really have to leave?

5

LUCA

The Kingdomof Shadesis about all I know fromLa Bayadére, and I’ve never actually seen it before. It’s in the second act, and depicts the lead guy’s hallucinations after he smokes opium.

That’s right. But it’s an old ballet. And people think anything old is somehow more righteous or at least less fucked up than today’s art.

The audience applauds when the first Nikiya steps out. She moves slowly down the ramp, another copy of her coming out of the wing every few counts.

I watch the first dancer. They’re all dressed the same, all trying to look like exact copies, but when she gets down the ramp and starts slowly crossing back across stage, I’m focused on her. There’s something different about her. Something captivating.

Sometimes there are amazing dancers, but you can still see that they’re doing someone else’s movement. I’ve always admired dancers that look like they’re completely absorbed by the ballet. It’s like an actor who is so good you can’t imagine them not being the character they’re playing. When you look at someone and you don’t see a dancer, you just see the dance.

That’s what there is with this woman. Nikiya has died. She’s stuck in a shadow world. The dancer in the front of the line expresses that pain beautifully. It looks real. She is a beautiful dancer, they all are. But this woman is portraying that pain perfectly. I can relate to it. It looks, and almost even feels, real.

I hardly take my eyes off of her, even though there are thirty other dancers sharing the stage. When the audience applauds and all the Nikiyas leave the stage, I feel like I was in my own dream. I can’t help but wonder about that woman. How can anyone portray loss that simply and that vividly?

6

GINA

After we completeour closing bows, I head backstage. I remove my pointe shoes and costume and throw on some sweats. I turn in my tutu, headpiece, and the rest of my costume since this is our last performance.

I check my phone. My parents didn’t message to say if they came or not. I don’t bother removing my stage makeup. I just head out to see if they are here.

Right when I get to the lobby, I see Archie. All the drama with my parents made me forget that he was actually going to be here tonight. He heads straight to me and gives me a hug. I look over his shoulder, searching around for my parents.

I don’t have a specific reason to be mad at him, but I am. Archie and I have been dating for over a year. He’s studying Finance at University of Pennsylvania. In the fall he’ll be starting his senior year. He’s never actually said I should quit dance, but I get the feeling that he agrees with my father. That I should grow out of ballet and focus on a real career.

“Have you seen my parents?” I ask him.

“Not yet.”

I head into the crowd to go look for them and Archie follows me. I find them standing around a cocktail table at the edge of the lobby. My father has a drink in his hand, and he looks like he’s already got a few in him.

My mother notices me approaching them. “You did great, darling!”