Page 90 of Filthy Rock Stars
Nico gingerly takes my hand. “Shadow, you aren’t that person your parents think you are.”
I cough out a laugh. “Yeah, I guess not.”
He shakes his head quickly. “I don’t mean it like that. Not like it’s a bad thing. But the person your mom was talking about? The guy your family sees when they look at you? That’s not you, Shadow. It’s not. You’re not a bully. And you’re not a loser, either.”
His words rattle through me. “They’ve known me my whole life.”
“And they didn’t treat you right,” he says. “I remember your stories. They should have supported you and loved you and celebrated you for who you are, not because it makes them proud to have a rock star for a son. The way they devalued you, that’s not how family should act. You deserve to be loved better than that, Shadow. You deserve to be loved exactly as you are.”
My voice comes out hoarse. “Exactly as I am. Who even am I?”
Nico squeezes my hand. “I think I know.”
My chest hurts. There’s a lump in my throat that I can’t swallow down, and for some reason, I can’t look him in the eye.
“Okay. I’m not who they think I am. So what? That just means I’m a coward. I’m almost thirty fucking years old, and I still can’t stand up to my parents? Pathetic.”
“You’re not pathetic,” Nico insists, his voice rising. “You’re funny and kind and creative. You’re a brilliant musician, and even with a shitty family and all the pressures of fame, you’ve still held onto yourself. You’re still you, and I… I…”
He trails off.
My heart is pounding. I want to believe he was about to say that he loves me. My annoying brain insists that those were the words on his lips, but that’s insane. How could anyone love me right now? I haven’t done anything to deserve love.
There are tears in the corners of my eyes, but I blink them back. I want to believe what Nico is saying. I want to be the man he sees.
Finally, I work up the strength to cup his cheek and look him in the eye. Nico offers a soft, hopeful smile, and it breaks my heart all over again.
“You don’t have to be a hero,” he says. “I just need you to be you.”
CHAPTERTWENTY-EIGHT
SHADOW
I just needyou to be you.
The words crash through my brain, echoing for days.
I don’t understand how Nico claims to know me and still think I’m good enough for him. I’ve tried to explain a million times. I even tried showing him my family.
But he’s not running away. He just keeps standing there, believing in me.
As soon as we’re back in Seattle, I know what I need to do. He thinks I’m good. Maybe it’s time I live up to that.
The next morning, I find Adrian and Elle at their place, a penthouse apartment in a hip neighborhood, not too far from my loft. Elle answers the door and looks confused to see me, and Adrian shuffles out from the bedrooms a moment later in his boxer briefs.
When I glance around, the penthouse looks unfamiliar. New, overpriced furniture and designer art and tacky bullshit stuffs the place.
“Fuck. Guess I haven’t been here in a few renovations.”
Elle has yesterday’s makeup smeared across her face, and she’s wearing a black T-shirt dress. She frowns at me, annoyed. “I forgot that you never call ahead.” She juts her head to the side. “Coffee?”
I frown as I follow her and Adrian to the kitchen. I’m nervous, but I know what I have to do, so I’m just going to fucking do it.
Nico’s waiting for me on the other side. That’s all the motivation I need.
“No coffee, thanks,” I tell her. “I just came by to say something.”
She runs a hand through her hair and gives a hesitant glance to Adrian. “Is this about the Video Music Awards? Are you seriously that pissed?”