Page 96 of Filthy Rock Stars
Shadow turns away abruptly when he sees the phone, his instincts in place enough that his face is turned before anyone can flash another photo. My boyfriend storms back across the roof, which quiets as the helicopter departs.
“Fuck!” He’s got his hand buried in his hair as he paces. “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!”
“Hey!” I grab his hand and turn him to me. He looks down at our hands, frightened that I’m touching him around other people, but I don’t let go. “It’s okay! Just breathe.”
Shadow’s eyes burn into mine. “It’s not okay,” he says. “I need to get my team on this. We need to do everything possible to stop this from happening.”
My chest hurts. He’s so upset about the idea of people finding out about us. There’s good reason, but it hurts.
The way I feel about Shadow, I’m so proud that he’s my boyfriend. I want the whole world to know.
“If the pictures go public,” I try to reassure him, “we’ll be there for each other. We’ve got Fox and the whole team behind Kissing Dirt. It will suck, and I’m so sorry that you might be outed before you’re ready, Shadow. But I’ll be right there for you, okay?”
The despair on his face makes clear that my attempts aren’t working.
“You don’t get it,” he says quietly, exhaustion on his face. “It’s so much worse.”
I blink. “What do you mean?”
“It’s my band,” he says. “Adrian heard me playing some of your songs, and I guess he and Elle picked them up. Remembered them. They don’t know about you, but they’ve figured out that I’ve got a side project and that it’s important to me.” He winces, pain in his eyes. “The band owns everything I touch, Nico. You’ve got the recording of your music, and that should make a big difference. But the second Adrian and Elle see these pictures, they’re going to put the pieces together. They’ll come for you, Nico, and your music, too.”
His words hang heavy in the air. I try to make sense of them, but I’m perplexed.
“I don’t understand. Your band knows about my space opera? They know the songs?”
“I’m sorry. I decided I was done waiting for the lawyers, and I tried to quit again. I thought I’d surprise you. But when I did, they threatened me, told me they knew about the songs, and—”
I interrupt him. “You tried to quit again?”
He nods. “I did. And—”
“And you didn’t tell me about any of this after it happened?”
I feel injured. Emotion roils within me. I’m not sure where it’s coming from, but it’s like anger.
Shadow frowns. “It’s not like that.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask, my brain starting to work faster after the shock. “Why didn’t you tell me immediately? We’re in this together, and we’re making all these plans, but you didn’t even tell me that Forbidden Destiny knows about my project!”
Shadow looks stunned. “Nico…”
I suddenly have vertigo. Shadow has been my anchor. I’ve trusted him even when all logic dictated I shouldn’t, but it’s clear he didn’t trust me the same.
“What else haven’t you told me?” I ask suspiciously.
“Nico, no,” Shadow says as he crosses to me. “It’s not like that.”
“Then what’s it like?” I yell, frustration boiling over.
“It’s like I’m not good enough for you!” he yells back. “It’s like my band is going to find out about you and ruin everything, your life and your career and our relationship and everything. And that’s my goddamn fault.”
“How is that your fault?”
“Because I shouldn’t be with you, Nico!”
I step back. His words sting. After everything that just happened, all the challenges we’ve already faced together, for him to say that hurts me.
“You think I’m a mistake.”