Page 7 of Codename: Dustoff
CHAPTERFOUR
Was it a dick move to challenge her by calling on her sense of duty and obligation? Maybe. But I realized after she threw such a fit when I asked for the chair, that it wasn’t the chair that was the problem. It was that I’d called her out for being different. My bad. I realized that after the fact, but the easiest way to get her ass in the chair was to challenge her through her chain of command. At least I hoped so. I didn’t know shit about the military. I did know that she was required to attend and that Henry or Elyse had to sign an attendance slip saying she was there and participated. So if I had to pull on that string to get her to actually be comfortable and not in pain for a two hour meeting then it was worth it.
“If everyone can turn to page fifteen in your Journey to Acceptance guide, we’re spending the day working on asking for help. Which ironically I think fits perfectly into our day.”
We spent most of the meeting interacting with one another in various pretend scenarios that would require special accommodations. Amelia continued to stand her stubborn ass against that pillar, shooting dirty looks my way every so often. I could see on her face that she was in pain. She shifted frequently, switching up the way she leaned every five or so minutes.
“With the last twenty minutes we have left, I’m giving you a homework assignment.” Henry clapped his hands to get everyone’s attention. “In my walk arounds while you worked in groups, I noticed something very interesting.”
He walked around the room with “hello my name is” stickers and a sharpie. He stepped in front of each of us and wrote a word down, sticking it to each person’s chest. Mine said “adapt.”
“It’s quite interesting. How each of us tries to blend in, but in different ways. Either we try to shrink ourselves into non-existence, or perhaps we resist any considerations of our new normal.”
He stopped in front of Amelia and tried to put a sticker on her. She ducked to the side, grabbing the sticker from his fingers, instead of allowing him to place it on her shirt. I could see the word in bold letters, pinched between her fingers. It said “resist.” She caught me looking at her and raised her eyebrow in challenge. Her assessing gaze felt as if she’d bore down all the way to my DNA and discovered every weak spot I had.
“For the rest of the time we spend together in this acceptance journey, you will be placed in pairs. Whenever you see your partner acting in a way that matches the word on their sticker, I want you to call “check.” This will make them aware of the behavior and hopefully serve as a way for you find newer, healthy ways of moving into this new stage of your lives. Does that make sense?”
No one nodded their head or showed any form of understanding the assignment.
“So, Emmett here is wearing “adapt” as his word. You’ll notice that Emmett rolls with the punches. Whatever challenge his amputation provides, he looks at the situation and just figures out a way for him to move forward. You may think that this is the way we should all strive to be. To adapt to our situations. However, his way of adapting comes from trauma as its source. He adapts because he was never provided the coping mechanisms to ask for help. By adapting, or not making a fuss, he’s less likely to be seen…judged…noticed for being different. He’ll be paired with Amelia.”
I made a mental note to send that guy a cookie basket.
“Amelia is his polar opposite. She resists, even when it’s to her own detriment. Her resistance comes in the form of refusing help or accommodation, because she doesn’t want to acknowledge or act in a way that suggests she is anything other than fully able bodied.”
“This is such crap.” Amelia ripped her sticker from her chest and tossed it aside. “How does calling us out and criticizing the way we’re coping help any of us?”
Elyse tilted her head, appearing to study Amelia, “Do you feel criticized or called out? We’re simply trying to raise your awareness to your coping mechanisms. Because you said exactly what we’re trying to move you past. You’re coping. You aren’t living. You’re not choosing to live a life that accepts and incorporates your status as an amputee into your life plan.”
“Coping is moping, accepting is expecting!” Henry added, ticking his points off on his hand as he spoke. “Expecting that your life can be fulfilling, and full of the same hopes and dreams you had prior to your accident. If at all possible, I’d like you to find a time outside of our meeting to get with your partner. Whether that’s having coffee, or going to the mall, or even the grocery store! I’d like you to experience life with one another in a situation we find ourselves in our everyday norm.”
Everyone broke into their pairs, discussing with varying levels of excitement when they would get together ahead of the next week’s meeting. Amelia hadn’t moved from where she stood. Instead, she had begun to aggressively type something on her cell phone. It was hard to miss all of the “no cell phone” signs that Gemini posted everywhere, indicating that Amelia chose to give a finger to the rules.
“Look if you want, we can just meet an hour before our regular meeting next week, we don’t need to do anything crazy to fulfill the assignment.”
“Ah, ah, ah!” Henry sidled up where we stood. “Do you see what you just did, Emmett? In your opening statement about this assignment, you’ve already signaled to Amelia that her comfort is more important than yours. You told her however she wants to do the assignment you’ll be okay with. I think that is an adapt-accommodate signal don’t you Amelia?”
Amelia put her phone in her pocket, assessing me in a long pass down my body. Strangely I felt it as if the wind kicked up and pushed through the room. Every hair I possessed seemed to stand at attention while her eyes were on me.
“I think you’re right,” she told Henry. “What happens now?”
“You tell him, check. And he has to reset, rewind the action you checked him on, and try again.”
“I was simply acknowledging the fact that she is traveling nearly two hours to come to this meeting because there isn’t anything by her house. How is that exhibiting adapt-accommodate?”
“Would you like to explain it to him, Amelia? I prefer to have the two of you engage in dialogue about checked behaviors without me getting in the way.”
“It’s a check, Emmett, because you opened with an immediate idea on how to accommodate me to make me feel comfortable. And in providing that comfort, you’re hoping I agree to your terms.”
Henry nodded and gave her a thumbs up. Annoying. At least my eye roll stayed caged behind my eyelids.
“Her refusal to participate and disengage by picking up her phone, then, would be a check on resisting also if I’m understanding the assignment correctly?”
“Yes, that is definitely resisting,” Henry agreed.
As soon as I said it, I felt like a child. Who does that? Calls someone out so that the spotlight shone on someone else. Amelia clearly didn’t appreciate my actions either. She directed a very dramatic eye roll in my direction with no shame.
“And how would she rewind that action and move towards acceptance and away from resistance.”