Page 9 of Madame Mayhem

The others are smoking, chilling with their ladies, and minding their business. Great. Not gonna bother me for no shit now. I slide through and get back to my woman.

She looks like a pin up with the sheets curled up around her breasts and I wanna take her again, but I restrain myself. We got plenty of time for that. “Hey, I’m back. Got us some drinks.”

“I see. I’m good with water. Pour me a glass.”

“Okay, well, I’m gonna be the bad boy and pour the Jack.”

Her light-as-a-feather grin is everything. I love to hear it. It’s infectious and makes me light up as well. “I like a bad boy.” I hand her the bottle of water and pour my drink, staring at her for a hot minute.

“What?”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Yeah, go for it.”

“Fi, what happened to you? I mean, your old man told it was some fucked up shit, but he never got into details. You told me enough at the look out, and I got a pretty good idea… but if you feel safe enough you can talk about it to me.”

Fi’s eyes are dead when I ask her. I have this stabbing feeling in my gut like I shouldn’t find out the nitty gritty details, but I wanna know. I don’t want to be with her and not understand her fully. I set up the glasses and wait. She blurts out the story just when I think she's not gonna answer me. I sit down on the bed, treading carefully.

“One Saturday evening… fuck sounds like a nursery rhyme. Trust me this ain’t no fairytale,” she states bitterly, pushing her fingers through her hair, only for it to fall forward again. “Here goes, you wanted to know…When I was fourteen, me and Daddy went to the mall. I wanted to buy a criss cross crop top to wear to school and he wouldn't get it for me. I mean, it was eighty dollars, but he just didn't want me to wear it. I got pissed about it and took off on him. He followed me, trying to get me to calm down. But I was young, dumb, and filled with teenage hormones…I was livid about a top!I made sure he wouldn't keep following me and ducked into the ladies’ room. He stood outside for about twenty minutes, calling out to me, then he finally gave up. He said he'll be waiting in the car. The mall was closing, and security was pushing everyone out.”

Fi’s cracking up, and I want to hold her through it, but I also want to hear the rest. I can feel nausea sweeping through me. I know it’s going to be bad, but I’m knee deep in the dark recesses of her past, can’t turn back now. I take a sip of Jack, her body shaking. She sniffles, wiping her nose before she starts up again.

“Okay to keep going Fi? No pressure.” I take a sip of Jack, waiting for her to keep rolling. I give my eyes to her, telling her without words that I’m not gonna back down from what she tells me about herself. No matter what darkness comes out of the vault I’ll stand by her to the end. Loyalty is one of my strong suits.

“No, no, it’s okay, lemme get it out. I will. I want you to know.”

“‘Kay,” she responds in a small voice. I hate this men making her feel this way, but the past is a bitch and she can start ranting and raving anytime she wants if the cut is deep enough.

“I gave it about five minutes before I left the bathroom. The mall was dead silent. All I could hear were voices in the distance. I'm slowly walking through the mall, thinking if Dad doesn't want to buy me the top, I'll make him wait and take my sweet ol' time. Right then, I felt someone grab me from the back, cover my mouth, pick me up, and take me away. I did not know what the fuck was going on. For a minute, I thought it was my father. Maybe he's pissed and doesn't want to deal with my tantrum anymore. It all happened so fast. I didn't realize it wasn’t him until I was thrown into the back of a van.” Fi sobs and she’s breaking my heart. I put my Jack down, sliding my hands low around her waist, kissing her bare shoulder. She rests her head on my shoulder, tears drizzling down her face.

“It’s okay bae. I got you.”

Her body shudders for a minute before she keeps speaking. “I screamed, and I screamed, and I screamed. I realized I couldn't hear anything from the outside, so no one could probably hear either. All I could think is, 'God, I wish I walked out the last time Daddy called for me. I could be home with him and mom right now.' I was locked in the back of a van like an animal, with no idea where I was headed or what I was in for.”

The pain in her voice cuts so deep I want to go back to that moment and just wrap her up before those men got to her. She’s shaking and I wanna pour her a Jack and coke but let her make the call. I wipe the tears that stream, it’s all I can do. I can’t take back those years taken from her.

“Hey baby. That’s fucking heavy. So heavy. They can’t hurt you anymore. I got you. I swear to God, I got you. Nobody is gonna touch you. Tell me if it’s too much to talk about. We can talk some more later.” I hug her into me, my shirt soaked from her tears, but I don’t care. All I want is to take her pain away. Maybe it’s me that can’t handle it.

“I figured out really quick what they wanted me for. One of them said, ‘I was good for it and the men are going to like my tits.’ These men fucking stank. Cigarettes, vomit, and dirty drawers are what they smelt like. I didn’t know what to fucking do, Slash. I couldn’t get out. I tried to figure out how to get out of the place. I really did. I should have tried harder. I shoulder have risked it and kicked the door open. Broken arms, legs what the fuck ever.”

I stroke her hair, hysteria coming out of Fi. There was no way I could blame her. What she was telling me sounded sick already. “Crazy.” I can’t say nothing else because I don’t know if I have the right words to even say to her.

“We got to this rank place. Stank so bad. They put me in this awful smelling dungeon, and I didn’t have food or water for a couple of days. I thought I was going to starve to death. They came and fed me,” she scoffs. “They told me they had to feed me so I would have enough energy for the pounding I was about to take,” she breaks down her hand over her mouth. Her pain is breaking me. I shelter her in my arms wanting to wrap her up and never let her go.“It was so, so sick. They gave me this crummy foam mattress to sleep on and brought me some water. I didn’t want to drink it. I could see shit floating in it, but my throat was cutting up. It was so dry. So gross.”

I wipe the tearstains from her eyes, my leg numb from sitting on it too long. “Pieces of shit.”

“Yeah, more than pieces of shit. I will never forget them bringing in the first customer. Some fat fucker. I remember the hat he wore. Some military army hat. His boots. They were caked with mud, but for some reason he took them off at the door. I don’t know why the room stank anyway. Didn’t make a difference. Two of the men stood in the door with wife beaters and these ugly smirks on their dirty faces. They told me, ‘You’re gonna fuck this guy real good, or we’re gonna beat you senseless.’ I can’t- I can’t believe what he did to me. He didn’t do it in the dungeon. No, no, they took me out of there. To this small room. It had this one dresser drawer.” I stared at her in horror as she relayed the minute details with shocking accuracy. It’s as if she’s recalling a clinical exam. I’m thinking it’s the only way she can cope with getting the information off her chest. I already feel sick and want to light multiple joints at once, but I don’t back down. She had to go through this, so the least I can do is listen to everything. “I had my innocence taken away by him. The man put his filthy dick into my mouth. It was long with a crock. Weird shape. He kept grunting-he was so fucking dirty. He smelled like pee. I-I had to do things. He took my clothes off, slobbering all over me. His fingernails. I’ll never forget them they were caked up with dirt. I think he was a trucker or some bullshit like that. I was crying, begging him to get off me, but he kept grinning in my ear saying, you ‘you like that, don’t cha? You can’t stop me when I’m like this. You can’t.’ His sweat was on me.”

I can feel the fire rising and I need the Jack. No coke. I have to drink this sucker neat. “I’m so happy you burned those fucking bastards, Fi. If I got my hands on them, I would have got a chainsaw and sliced their heads off.”

“It was the best feeling to watch them fly up in flames. I swear to God it was. It fixes nothing, but that’s the payback if you mess with me. I fire a bitch right up!”

“I bet and I like it.”

“I felt so dirty after that, Slash. I wanted to scrub that man off me. I could feel him inside of me and I was bleeding. He was rotten and I don’t know where these men are, but they need to pay to. They should get dealt with in the worst way. The next customer would be in tomorrow and I was told to clean myself up. I showered and tried to wash everything off. I scraped my skin, crying in the shower. I couldn’t wash those men off my soul, though. Slash, they stole a piece of my soul. They ripped it away from me!” She’s shouting. Snot dripping from nose, her eyes bloodshot, puffy, and trying to hang on so she can finish telling me the story. I can tell she’s reliving the pain, the disgust of those years. Fi can’t go back and pick up the pieces she lost. I let my fingers feel the strands of her glossy hair. She’s a fighter, a true survivor.

Take the pain away. Take her pain away. Don’t let her feel this shit no more. Fuck. I don’t want to feel it anymore.