Page 12 of Imbalanced Minds
Chapter Seven
Iris
It’s been a savage week, to say the least. Having Cory shoot me down like I meant less than the dirt off the sole of his shoe truly hurt. I don’t understand how there was so much heated passion one moment then the next he was the damn Ice Queen. Both times.
At first, I thought he was going to sincerely apologise and let me down gently; that I could handle. What I didn’t expect were the putrid words that came from his mouth about me being no more than a means to an end, his end and by default mine too.
Since that weekend, I’ve been avoiding the world. I decided it best to hide in my little black box where I didn’t have to see anyone or bring up unwanted emotion. At least that’s what I told myself.
I am constantly trying to make everyone happy. I put so much effort in and when it backfires (because it always does) I end up in this same hole.
Hating myself.
Wondering where I went wrong.
Asking myself what did I do to deserve this?
It’s a vicious cycle I can never extract myself out of. Almost like rinse, wash, repeat but for me, it’s go hard, get crushed, hide away.
I haven’t picked up my phone for days, aside from calling work to get a weeks’ leave—which they totally understand seeing as I’ve grown up with them my whole life.
My Mum and Dad are the best; there’s nothing they wouldn’t do to see me happy. However, if they knew the real reason I wasn’t coming in they’d be on me like a G-string up a bum crack. Hard up it.
Roseanne and Michael Jones own a farm thirty minutes out of town; my family home. They also own the business, Jones MotoX. I work for them as a business manager, but often check the gear and track over too.
My parents built a motocross track in the back yard when Justin and I were only little. Our back yard consisted of lush acreage, not your small suburban sandpit.
For years Jay and I rode that track, changing it up with Dad when we got bored or if it was no longer a challenge to us. It’s always those memories that help me get out of bed every day, knowing I can go ‘home’ and be at peace. At least on a normal day. At times like these, however, my bedroom walls are more homely than any fresh air could ever be.
When I graduated university, I didn’t know what I wanted to do specifically but I had the qualification to set me on track. After my breakup with Tyrell however, my plans all shattered.
I decided to chase my passion instead of a career and took my parents’ offer to work for them and manage their business so they could take a step back. This way I also get to work hard but play even harder.
Even thinking about the farm makes me regret calling in for leave, although there’s no way I’ll get past Mum looking the way I do with my red nose and puffy eyes. I’ve done a lot of crying since I locked myself away. So much so that even after a day my face became a swollen mess.
Throwing pity on myself some more, I wallow in the fact that I’m reminded of how much I miss the sensation adrenaline gives as it runs through my body.
I’d give anything for a burst of life right now, but I stand by the decision I’ve made; one week off should be enough for me to pull my shit together and climb out of this dark and lonely rabbit hole. So that’s what I tell myself. Over and over until I do something about it. Yet here I am. In bed on a Tuesday and still alone.
As the days pass, I find I’m finally coming out of my funk.
If it wasn’t for Nat and how understanding she is, there’s no way I would have made it out alone—maybe not even at all. Not when the days are blurring together.
Speaking of lost days, I don’t even remember the last time I had a shower. Giving myself the sniff test—I know, gross—I pull my sorry arse out of bed and head for the shower. Turning the water on to piping-hot, I strip off and enter the steaming space, ready to cleanse myself of all that is bad, attempting to numb the ache of my shattered soul with this scalding water.
By the time I realise I need to turn it down the water’s already gone cold. It brings new relief, not only to my burning skin but to my aching heart and this is the moment I decide I’ll be okay. That no matter how bad life seems, there’s always an upside. It may take me a while to get there, but I know that when I do, I’ll lift my chin high and wear the mask I perfected so well and kick arse.
Turning the water off, I dry and get dressed into a new pair of pyjamas. After hanging my towel and flicking off all the switches I make my way to the lounge, getting my blanket along the way and snuggle myself on top of a soundly sleeping Nat. She shrieks as she tries to get free from my embrace as I’ve just startled her awake.
“Crab sticks! Shit, you bloody scared me.” Nat puffs as she proceeds to push me off of her.
“You do realise crab sticks is irrelevant when you follow through with shit, right?” I begin to holler as I’ve realised what I’ve just said while making fun of her choice of language. Falling on the other side of the couch and away from Nat, I can’t help but hold my stomach as the giggles take over.
“Oh boy, you’ve gone horizontal comedian. Let the world know Iris is back baby!”
Unable to control myself and with Nat calling me that for my use of lame arse jokes that only I find funny, I’m now face-to-face with the floor, which completely sets both of us off.
“I’m glad I’ve got my best friend back,” Nat sighs as we finally snuggle up, ready to choose a movie, “but I have to admit, your moods give me whiplash.”