Page 79 of Bad Boy Crush
Lou thought about her journal, about everything she’d written down. So far she had a document full of words and a head full of clutter.
A plate of assorted appetizers arrived along with another round of margaritas. Lisa insisted that they’d brought Lou out to help her feel better, not worse.
Lou decided she’d take the break from evaluating her life. She took another drink of her margarita and hoped that clarity arrived with the sunrise.
twenty-three
Sunday morning, Lou sat at her dining room table, one leg folded beneath her, her hands nested in her hair. On the screen of her laptop was yet another house she wasn’t going to buy.
No way would she move away from Evergreen Cove. She’d already packed up her life and started over once. She couldn’t very well do that every couple of years.
Clarity hadn’t arrived with the sunrise yesterday morning, but a hangover sure had. Still, she’d been grateful for the reprieve with her friends. There had been a few laughs sprinkled in between drinks and greasy food, and she had needed that more than she’d known. Saturday hadn’t been a productive day. She’d mostly lain around and watched television, feeling like trash on wheels. As promised, Elliott had texted the moment she was in town, but by then Lou had gone to bed for the night.
This morning she’d woken clear-headed, which was a nice change. She’d opened her journal, remembering what Lisa had said about writing down her feelings, but then she’d turned her attention to the internet to look for houses for sale. She had no intention of moving, but the escapism fantasy persisted.
A knock at that door had her pushing her chair away from the table, limping when she realized her foot was pins-and-needles numb. Despite having no idea what she’d say to him, she wished and hoped and prayed Ant was on the other side. She could use a reassuring smile and oh, how she’d love to fall into the security of his open arms. She longed to hear him say everything was going to be all right, and that he would be here for her until she figured herself out.
She pulled open her front door to find Elliott. “Oh, hi.”
“Not who you were hoping for?” Her friend offered a tender smile. “How are you holding up?”
“How much do you know?”
“Everything you told May and Lisa on Friday has been shared with me, as per your instructions.”
“I didn’t feel like rehashing it.”
“I understand.” Elli set a reusable shopping tote on the dining room table and extracted a plastic fork and a heavy-duty paper plate covered in foil. “I brought cake. We had a birthday party for Brady’s gramps at Sugar Hi today. He insisted we sit outside so that Lila could come. At least we convinced him to buy their dog-friendly birthday cake, so he didn’t feed her from this one. That man.” But Elli was exaggerating her exasperation. She adored Emory Hutchins. She peeled back the foil to reveal a tall, layered yellow cake with thick white frosting and then handed Lou a fork.
After a sugary perfect bite, Lou said, “It’s good.”
“The best.” Elli swiped a bit of frosting off the edge of the slice and licked her finger. She pointed at the Zillow listing on the computer’s screen. “If you think I’m going to let you move to Minneapolis, you’re insane.”
“No. I’m just…”
But Lou couldn’t finish that sentence. She wasn’t “just” anything. She was miserable, tired. And desperate to stop being both miserable and tired.
“How do you know?” She grabbed Elli’s left hand, where her diamond engagement ring sat. “How do you know you aren’t heading into disaster?”
Elli sat in the chair next to Lou’s. “Brady is the best man I’ve ever known in my life. I have Neil to contrast him with, you know. I trust my gut.”
“How do I trust my gut when I overlooked so many signs that Liam was cheating on me?" She’d been blind to what was right under her nose.
“I know what you’re thinking. How were you the kind of person to let something that awful happen to you? It’s because you were the loving, trusting one in the relationship. Your husband was manipulating you. Neil was manipulating me. It’s not your fault, it’s not mine. Don’t put that blame on yourself. Besides, you have proven you have your own back. You left, Lou. You told him to pack up his shit and go, and then you took this gorgeous beach house as reparations. You’re a badass.”
Lou snorted, covering her mouth to hide the laughter that seemed inappropriate.
Elli smiled. “Be proud of yourself for what you did do.”
“Does that include cutting Ant out of my life?” His name came out on a whisper. It hurt to mention him.
“Yes. It’s what you needed at the time. Trust past you. She knew what she was doing too.”
“I’m writing a book.” Lou minimized the Zillow window on her computer and showed Elli the document behind it. “Or a journal. I don’t know what it is. It started out being about Liam but turned into something else. For all my self-reflection”—she scrolled through the words so fast, they were a blur on the screen—“I know nothing.”
“Have you read it?”
“I wrote it.” She pointed to the screen, thinking Duh. I wrote it, of course I read it.