Page 154 of Lost in the Dark
I give him the laugh he speaks of and lunge at them in a bluff. They both startle and hit the other residents once more as I turn and continue down the hallway toward our destination.
They herd us like cattle, one at a time, creatures lost among the fray seeking their supposed shepherd. We line up and await our turn for them to finger our open mouths. It’s kinky, really. They pretend they don’t like it when the truth of the matter is, they are drunk with their power over us—over the lost. They wish for us to become placid shells of ourselves that obey without resistance, all to make their lives easier.
“Benji, you’re up.” My head twitches at the sound of the nurse’s voice. She sounds so much likeher. Better than the male orderly that reminds me of a serpent that works weekends.
“Step right up, step right up now,” I repeat, a line from one of the movies we’re forced to watch in this wretched place.
“Quit your crap. I’m not in the mood today. Here.”
She shoves me my restraint in a cup, and I take it while giving her my laugh and signature smile. She curls her lip but quickly hides away her emotion.Don’t want to be seen as unprofessional now.
I wonder what she’ll write in her daily notes this time. It doesn’t matter really, since I have no control over it or over how she feels about me.
Emotions aren’t free here.
Neither are opinions, but I give her mine anyway.
“You speak in riddles since this…,” I toss the pills back into my mouth and hand her the cup, “is always the mood of the day and the trap you lay.”
Her eyes sharpen but it only makes me smile wider. She can’t deny the truth. Blowing her a kiss, I open my mouth for her inspection. Her finger digs inside, pushing my tongue around with her gloves and sweeping under it.
Images of her finger splattered in blood as I bite it off floats in my mind’s eye, but I tamp the temptation down.That would only land me a hotel visit to the padded rooms, I tell myself. Though thatwouldbe a reprieve from me falling off the bed to the soft drums of feet shuffling over the carpeted floors.
Mindless souls remain mindless, no matter where they are. It doesn’t matter which room we end up in or switch to.
Maybe it’ll give me a break.
My head twitches.A lot of things break.
It hasn’t been fun here since Journee left me to the sharks.I wonder if she’s still alive.The man who came to claim her looked determined, full of shadows behind his eyes.When I leave here, I should swing by.That would be grand.
My cock misses her divine mouth, and the way she could suck my soul out of it. She was the only one who understood the assignmentandthe plan.
My eyes snap to the side without moving my head, and I watch as a new resident is brought in, taking in everything around him. When his gaze locks on mine, those eyes darken, and it reminds me of…
Shaking my thoughts, I bark out a laugh, and the person behind me jumps and screams, making me laugh harder. The nurse hisses, shaking her finger to the side, and glares at me. I comply with her eyeball threats.
They come and they go, but where our minds end up is what no one truly knows. Do we teeter on the fence and get pushed over once we enter this place, or were we all meant to fall anyway?
“Would you move?” Nurse Attitude yells in my face. “Cut it out. Next!” I realize I’m still standing here with my mouth hung open for her inspection.
I bite the air before her, and she screeches; I laugh before turning to leave the line. No, a padded room wouldn’t do.
We keep the freedoms we have to ourselves, just like our thoughts—just like each hospital visit we were forced to make with Mother.
“Benjamin.”
My lip curls in disgust, hearing that name. Someone is calling for the boy that’s long past dead. There’s only me, now. “Benji.”
The worker smiles and tries again. “Benji, it’s time for our weekly meeting. We need to catch up. Can you come by my office later?”
I nod and stare as the mental health worker turns to walk back into her little office.Don’t they know they should never turn their back on a predator?No; Benji is always too jovial, always too compliant.
Mother thought so, too.
The days are filled with schedules, lines and groups. They try to teach us ways to blend in with society, and it tickles me. Half the residents would never make it out of here alive without killing one another. Can’t they see that some things just cannot be fixed?
“Tinker toy.”