Page 2 of Irreplaceable
“Twelve…” I swallowed. “Thousand?”
Shit. I’d known it was expensive, but was I willing to shell out $12,000, or possibly upward to $40,000 for multiple rounds, even knowing I might never get pregnant?
I shook my head. “That’s a lot of money for something with such a low success rate.”
“It is. And it can be very emotionally draining, as you’ve seen with the IUI. If you’re considering it, I’d recommend talking with someone who specializes in counseling IVF patients.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose and closed my eyes briefly. Why was this so complicated?
“Look,” Dr. Fulton said. “There’s no need to decide anything today. Go home, take some time to think about it. If you decide that’s the path you want to pursue, I’m here.”
I thanked her and nodded, going through the motions as I checked out and left the building. I headed for my car, feeling numb as I turned the key in the ignition. In a daze as I drove home. By the time I pulled up to my place, I wasn’t even sure how I’d gotten there. I couldn’t recall a single part of the drive. I unlocked the door and stepped inside to switch on the light.
“Surprise!” Juliana, Alexis, and Lauren popped out from behind the kitchen wall.
I stumbled backward, my heart racing. Holy… My three best friends were all smiling, and I was completely caught off guard. “What’s this?”
“Well…” Juliana bit her lip, her blue eyes sparkling with joy. “I know it’s early still, but we’re so excited for you!”
It was then I noticed the pink and blue banner with “Congratulations” written across it in a bold font. My chest tightened, stretching like a balloon about to pop, and then I burst into tears.
“Hey,” Alexis cooed, wrapping her arm around me. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
“I’m not having a baby,” I said, though the words were garbled. “I’m not pregnant.”
“Aww, honey,” Lauren said as they all gathered around me, closing in protectively.
They ushered me over to the sofa, but none of them spoke. It was nice, just knowing they were there for me. I might not have a partner to face the world with, but these three women were my best friends, and we’d been through so much together.
They were the only people I’d told about the IUI. None of my family or coworkers knew, and after today’s news, I was glad. I’d dreaded my family’s questions about the father, but I knew my friends would never judge me. In fact, they’d been the ones to encourage me to finally go for it.
Alexis handed me a tissue, her caramel gaze reflecting compassion. “Do you want to talk about it?”
I shook my head, dabbing at the corners of my eyes. “No.”
“It’s okay,” she said, rubbing circles on my back. “Whatever you need, we’re here for you. Okay?”
I blew my nose, and the atmosphere of the room seemed so subdued compared to the frustration and rage swirling within me. “Thank you.”
We sat in silence a moment longer—my friends giving me space to process—before I finally said, “It was a chemical pregnancy.”
Alexis nodded knowingly. Of the four of us, she was the only one who had kids. “I’m sorry.”
“What does that mean?” Juliana asked, brushing her blond strands away from her face. “A chemical pregnancy.”
“It’s a very early miscarriage. It’s not uncommon,” Alexis said. “Though that doesn’t make it easier. I, um—” She let out a deep breath. “I had one a few months ago myself.”
I grabbed her hand and squeezed, wondering why she hadn’t said anything. But then I realized—it was because of me. She hadn’t wanted to hurt my feelings by talking about a pregnancy when she knew how badly I wanted a baby myself.
“Are you and Preston trying for a third?” Lauren asked, running a hand through her waves.
Alexis lifted a shoulder. “We’re not not trying.”
Lauren laughed and shook her head. “Mm-hmm. I thought you said after Blair you were done having kids?”
I sniffled, and Alexis squeezed my hand. “I’m sorry, Harper. This isn’t about me—or at least, it shouldn’t be.”
“No,” I said. “I’m happy for you, truly. I’m just… Am I a terrible person if I admit that I’m the tiniest bit envious?”