Page 3 of Irreplaceable
Okay, perhaps tiny was an understatement.
“No,” Alexis said, her tone filled with compassion. “You’re human.”
“Why does this have to be so hard?” I asked aloud, not expecting anyone to answer.
“I know this is going to sound cheesy, but maybe it happened for a reason.” Juliana smiled gently. “Maybe you aren’t meant to get pregnant at this time or in this way.”
“You’re right.” I stood, anger mixing with my sadness. I couldn’t stand it. “It does sound cheesy.” My eyes burned as I fought back more tears. “Maybe I’m not meant to get pregnant at all!”
I stalked toward my bedroom, nearly slamming the door behind me. I couldn’t stomach the fact that I’d been pregnant and then I wasn’t. I’d seen the two lines on the pregnancy test, and then the doctor told me there was nothing there. How could there be nothing there? They’d shot enough sperm at my cervix that something should’ve stuck. Right?
Ugh. I collapsed on my bed, the tears hitting the comforter before I did. I couldn’t do this. I screamed into my pillow, letting it all out. I couldn’t put myself through month after month of expensive and painful treatments, only to have it end in more disappointment.
After a while, I heard the door open and then felt the mattress dip beside me. I caught a whiff of jasmine—Juliana. “I’m sorry, Harper. I didn’t mean to be insensitive.”
“I know.” I sobbed, unable to hold back anymore. And I did. Because of all of us, Juliana probably understood the most. She’d been engaged and lost her fiancé. I’d just lost the wisp of a baby who’d never existed. But it was more than that—I was losing hope.
“I’m sorry I snapped.” I pushed off the bed so I was sitting next to her. “I’m just…” I let out a deep sigh that spoke of my despair. “I’m so disappointed. And not sure where to go from here.”
“Well—” she wrapped an arm around my shoulder “—you have options. And no matter what you decide, I’m here for you. We all are.”
I nodded. “I know.” I used the back of my sleeve to wipe my eyes. “I do. And I appreciate it.”
“You know you’re like a sister to me.” She pulled me in for a hug. “You were there for me in Thailand. And you were the only one who didn’t think I was crazy for clinging to the notion that Ryan might still be alive.”
I blew my nose as Alexis peeked her head around the corner to my room. “Hey. Everything okay?”
Lauren stood behind her, and I felt their concerned gazes. It was nice to have their support, even if it was a bit suffocating at the moment.
“It’s fine. I’m fine.”
“Mm-hmm.” Lauren crossed her arms over her chest. “You know better than to bullshit us, Harper.”
I rolled my eyes and stood. “It’s probably for the best. Morning sickness would be a bitch with the work schedule I have coming up.”
I was flying to Scotland tomorrow, where filming would take place on a rom-com. I’d be there a few weeks before setting off for Bali to scout locations for another script from the studio—a futuristic, dystopian thriller. And a million other things besides.
While Alexis and Lauren talked, I went to grab my laptop from the living room. Juliana followed me, glancing over her shoulder before addressing me. “Are you sure this is a good idea?”
I lifted a shoulder. “I’m fine. Besides, those treatments aren’t going to pay for themselves.”
“Harper,” Juliana chided.
I let out a deep sigh. “Yeah. Okay. I’m fine physically. Emotionally—I’m a bit of a mess.”
“Which is completely understandable.”
“I just don’t get it.” I tugged on my hair. “We did everything right.”
She gave me a gentle smile and placed her hand on my shoulder. “I know. And sometimes things don’t turn out like we expected.”
“Yeah,” I scoffed. “Sometimes they suck.”
She blew out a breath. “Or…sometimes they turn out better than you could’ve imagined. Give it some time.”
I shrugged out of her touch, busying myself with packing. “I’m not like you. Any of you,” I said when Lauren and Alexis joined us.
Juliana furrowed her brow. “What are you talking about?”