Page 9 of Innocent
Chapter Six
Huck
I’ve never wanted someone like this. I’ve never had an urge so deep that I couldn’t satisfy. An ache so relentless that I can’t relax. A thirst that won’t let me think anything else.
Body wound, I sit in front of the computer screen staring at Janie’s profile. Now that I’ve had her sweet body curved against mine, it makes me even more sick to see her being bid on like a piece of fucking meat. Besides that, LockNessCock has bid me up again. I swear I’m going to fucking kill this man. Twenty-four grand. I click the button to raise it another two. I’ll be glad when this is over tomorrow.
A truck door slams outside and heavy boots thud against the porch before the front door opens and shuts with fire.
Mark has every right to be upset. I’ve crossed about six thousand boundaries even having thoughts about one of his friends, but he’s always been a rational person, and everyone is of age. Maybe he’ll understand. And if he does, maybe I can convince Janie to take a real shot at this.
“Can we talk?” I stand from the office chair and move into the kitchen. “Just for a few minutes?”
Mark rolls his eyes. “Which part would you like to talk about, Dad? The part where you’re sleeping with a woman my age, or the part where you—”
“I’m not sleeping with her, Mark. It’s… it’s complicated.”
Mark’s head bobs back and forth and his shoulders roll back like they did when he was young and angry with me for not letting him take the snowmobile out to Whiskey Falls with his friends. “So, you’re not sleeping together, but you’re necking her at shifter lookout? What the fuck is wrong with you?”
I sigh, unsure myself what’s going on with Janie. I’ve gone from being rational and methodical to being at complete mercy to my heart. It’s uncomfortable. “I don’t know what we’re doing is what I’m saying. I only know how I feel.”
Mark laughs. “How you feel?” His tone is sarcastic. “Tell me, Dad, how do you feel, messing around with my friend? I always thought you were looking at her weird, but I ignored it because I thought I was crazy. Turns out, you’re the crazy one.”
Fuck me. I’m a prick. I can barely stand Mark looking at me like this. I’ve raised him on my own, and what he thinks of me is all I have in the world. But a life without Janie, especially after having her in my arms, is too much pain to comprehend right now.
“I know it’s awkward, Mark. I wouldn’t have chosen to fall for one of your friends, but she’s—”
“What, Dad?” Mark laughs psychotically and spins in a circle. “She’s what? She’s beautiful? She’s smart? She’s strong and funny and what? I know things! She’smybest friend. And last I checked it was off limits for a dad to be messing around with his son’s best friend. You know we almost dated, right?”
I suck in a deep, ragged breath. Maybe I underestimated how understanding Mark would be about this. “But you didn’t. You’re seeing Carrie and you two are happy, right?”
He rolls his eyes to the side. “That’s not the point.” His back straightens. “You know Janie’s on one of those websites, right? The ones from the Reddit forums that take you to some black-market shit? The one where you sell yourvirginityto some stranger online?”
“Fucking hell, Mark. She told you about that?”
He laughs. “You know already? And you’re still pursuing her?” His voice drops an octave. “Dad, you’re twenty years older than Janie.She’s a virgin.Have you lost your mind?” Mark shakes his head, crosses his arms over his chest, and heads up the stairs, disappearing behind the wall and into his room before slamming the door shut.
What the hell is wrong with me?It’s like years of urges all focused-on Janie have built up to create a monster. I need to get ahold of myself. I need to stop thinking about her. I need more discipline, more self-control. I need to erase her sweet scent from my mind and ignore the way she sighed when I nuzzled against her. I need to forget the way her skin felt against my rough hands and the way she looked me straight in the eye and told me she felt this too.
Fuck.I swing open the front door and step out onto the porch, sucking in a deep icy breath as snow falls around the cabin. It’s heavier than it was when I came in and I can’t help but wonder if Janie got home okay. The roads bend and wind up this way and it’s easy to hit a patch of ice and go flying. I hate that she drove herself home this late. I should call and at least make sure she got back okay. If nothing else, it’s an excuse to hear her voice again.
Man, I’m going to need to check myself into rehab for this one, or I’m going to be finding excuses to run into her for the rest of my life.
The phone rings twice when her soft voice answers, “Hello?”
“Hey.”
“You shouldn’t be calling me, Huck. We made a mistake tonight.”
“It didn’t feel like a mistake.” I hadn’t planned to start the conversation this way, nor did I plan to fight for her again, but here I am, doing more things I never thought I’d do. “Can you honestly say it felt like a mistake to you?”
She sighs softly into the receiver. “It feels like we should’ve known better, Huck. Mark is your son. He’s my best friend. I betrayed him. I can’t get in the middle of you guys anymore. Which is fine because I don’t think Mark is talking to me ever again, anyway. And you’ll forget all about me in a few weeks.”
This is the part where I should agree with her. I should let her go. I should let wounds heal and prove to myself that I’m not the monster I’m acting like, but I can’t let her think things that aren’t true.
“Janie, I’m not going to forget about you in a couple of weeks.” I scoff. “No one has ever made me feel the way you do. I can’t forget something like that.”
Her voice shakes and increases in volume. “And maybe, if we’re lucky, there’s a universe out there where this works. Maybe, there’re versions of ourselves on some alien planet where we’re standing in falling snow and your arms are around me so tight that I can feel your heartbeat. And maybe, that version of us goes inside to sit by the fire, drink wine, and listen to music while we whisper sweet things in each other’s ears.” She sighs. “I hope it’s true, Huck. I hope somewhere, somehow, a version of us gets to be in love. But it’s not here, and it’s not now.” She sucks in a heavy breath and lets it out slowly. “I’m going to bed. I’m sorry for all the trouble.” The phone goes dead, and I’m left standing in the falling snow staring through the trees and into the dark forest, wondering how I’m ever going to find this universe where we get to be, because this life without her… wouldn’t be worth the trouble.