Page 67 of The Wrong Track
“I know that I shouldn’t say yes to this. I would be sacrificing him, his life. He might meet a woman and really love her and then what would he do? I know Tobin. He wouldn’t ever just ditch me no matter how miserable he was or how much he wanted something else, someone else. He’s not that kind of person. He’s selfless and loving, loyal and justgood. Do you know what I mean?”
Hatch nodded. “That’s how Hazel is. She’s too good for me.” Then he laughed. “Thanks for not arguing.”
“Tobin is too good for me. Way, way too good for me.”
“But not for her.” He pointed at my chest, where I held Ella. “It’s a moral dilemma.”
I kissed her dark hair. “Exactly. I can’t give up this opportunity because it’s not just me. It would be undeniably wonderful for her to have Tobin as her father. But it might also be awful to grow up here, where people know too much about me.”
“What do you think they know about you?”
“They know about Kilian. They know I was with him.”
“So? Plenty of people are in fucked up relationships.” He glanced at Ella. “Pardon me,” he told her, before he continued talking to me. “Women are with the wrong man all the time. My mom was.”
“Really?”
He nodded. “My dad used to beat on her and on me.”
I looked at Hatch’s arm as he pumped the weight. I couldn’t imagine anyone ever daring to do that.
“No one’s going to blame you for Kilian mistreating you. No one’s going to bring it up to her, either. If you want to tell her about him when she’s older, you can.”
“She can read about him,” I pointed out. “Her friends can, their parents, her teachers. He’s a criminal.” I hesitated. “So am I.”
Hatch still seemed unfazed. “Lots of people have fucked up histories, too.” He nodded at Ella. “Don’t repeat that word.”
“But if we went somewhere new, we could start over. New names, new everything,” I argued.
“And you’d never tell her the truth? You’d lie to her forever?”
“I would if I thought it was better for her,” I said.
He put down the dumbbell. “I think that’s a bad idea. Eventually, she’d find out. It’s hard to keep secrets and in the meantime, you’d be keeping her from a whole lot of love.”
Tobin’s love. A home for her whole life, someone who would always be there to care about her, no matter what. I blinked back tears. “Ok, well, there’s this,” I went on. “No one like me should be with Tobin.”
“I thought I just solved that problem. Didn’t I say that lots of people have fu—freaked up histories? Bad shit in their pasts?” He grimaced. “Don’t say that, either,” he ordered the baby. “I didn’t realize how much I swear.”
“His family hates me. His mom does—maybe she doesn’t hate me as a person, but she knows perfectly well that I shouldn’t be with her son. Tobin’s partner Bill definitely hates me. He just stares at me, like he’s waiting for me to pull a gun or something.”
“Do you have a gun?”
“No.” I had the drugs, but they were safely hidden away from Tobin’s house, where they couldn’t be connected to him. “Being with me would affect his career in the department. Even if his boss doesn’t specifically say he couldn’t marry me, how would…Christ.” I had never said it out loud before. “Marry me? That’s crazy. No, no way. He can’t do that. Me? No.”
“I feel like you might be selling yourself a little short.” Hatch picked up another giant weight. “Don’t you think you’re any good at all?” I felt a sob rise up through my tight throat and I couldn’t answer that question.
Hazel walked in a moment later, while Hatch was calmly holding the baby and introducing her to the dog and I was wiping away my tears with a clean workout towel. “I thought I saw the Bronco…what’s wrong?” she asked us immediately.
“We were just talking. I’m giving Remy advice about something but she can’t tell you about it, not yet. She will soon,” he explained.
She turned back to me, totally unappeased by that explanation. “Are you ok, Remy?”
I nodded. No. “I need to figure something out.”
“And Tobin’s ok?”
“Yes.” But he wouldn’t be, not if he married me, but Ella wouldn’t be ok without him, and I wouldn’t ever be ok either if she wasn’t. It was a damn mess and I covered my eyes with the towel for a minute. “Yes, it’s all great,” I said, my voice muffled. “We’re all great.”