Page 68 of The Wrong Track
Hazel had already called Tobin by the time I got home. He was waiting for us in the garage and opened the car door when I pulled in. “What happened?” he asked immediately.
“Nothing happened.” I unclicked my seatbelt and sighed. “I told Hatch that I’m giving back this car next week after we get the new one.”
“You know what I’m asking. What happened to make you cry? Come here, peanut.” He got Ella out of the seat and then came around the car to meet me, and he looked worried.
“I’m trying to figure out what to do, Tobin, and it made me a little upset, but it’s ok. I’m trying to figure out how to answer you about what you said before.”
“About us getting married.”
I couldn’t even repeat the words now. “When you say it like that, do you hear how wrong it sounds?”
“Let’s get out of the garage.” We walked inside together as he talked to Ella. “I heard you met a doggie. Should we get one? Or are you enough to take care of right now?” He turned to look at me. “Haze said you were more than a little upset when you left her house.”
And then, I got mad. It came right out, too, angry words that before, I wouldn’t have allowed myself to even think. “You and Hazel are not my parents. I don’t appreciate you having secret discussions about me and my mental state! I don’t appreciate her calling to tell on me and you taking the baby like I’m a hazard to her!”
Tobin stared at me. “That’s not what happened.”
“No? It sure seems like it!” I stopped myself for a moment before I spoke again. “I understand why. It’s because I’ve been so stupid and useless, because I let all this happen to me. You and Hazel and Monica and your mom, y’all feel like you have to step in and take charge because I can’t. This is exactly why I need to leave. Whyweneed to leave,” I corrected, and my voice rose again. “Because you’ll spend your whole life watching to make sure I don’t mess up more. So will everyone else.”
“I’m not going to do that. I don’t think you’re going to mess up anything, but I worry when I hear that you’re upset. You’ve had more handed to you—”
“I chose everything,” I interrupted. “I made my fucking bed and now Ella and I have to lie in it!” I paused again and fought myself back under control. “I’m not going to marry you, Tobin. I can’t do it.”
That night I did sleep in the bed I’d made, in the room with Ella. It was time to stop pretending and grow the hell up.
Chapter 14
It was spring, there was no denying it. Finally it had come for real, and summer was just around the corner. It was warm enough that I only had to wear one coat when we went out and I only covered Ella in one blanket. Or two, tops. But the whole world was new and green and beautiful. I watched it through the window, thinking about fresh starts.
“Remy?”
I jerked back to attention. “Sorry. What?”
Annie smiled a little. “You haven’t said anything for the last five minutes. What are you thinking about?”
“Drapery hardware,” I said. No. “I’ll finish those panels for you and that has to be my final project before we need to go.”
“Oh, no!” she exclaimed. “I mean, no, that can’t be right. I have a few important things for two really, really big clients. I absolutely need your help with them.”
“Annie, I told you last week that Ella and I are moving,” I reminded her. I’d given back the Bronco; I’d returned my last library book. I still had one more issue to deal with, the packages that Kilian had left, and once those were gone then we would be, too.
“I remember you saying something about Kuwait but I didn’t think you were serious about that,” she answered.
“I’m not moving to Kuwait,” I said irritably. “I’m just about to put down a security deposit on an apartment in New Mexico, though. That’s where Ella and I are going.”
“But please, not until you make four duvet covers and the roman shades for the Barry project. Please?”
“Annie…” How was I going to say no to her, after how nice she’d been to me?
“Hold on,” she said, and picked up her phone. “Hi, honey.” A big smile filled her face. “I miss you, too. No, I don’t want a present, I just want you to come home.” She listened for a while, and started to turn red. “Neil! I’m at work.” Her eyes went to me and I pretended to study everything outside of the window again. “I love you. We’ll see you soon.” She put the phone back on her desk and straightened her shirt. “My husband is away at a conference in Nashville. It’s hard when he’s gone.”
I bet it would be hard to be a mom of six, alone. It was going to be hard enough to be a mom of one, alone, like I would be doing…I shook away the hopeless feeling that immediately descended when I thought of us leaving.
“I don’t know if you know this,” Annie started out pensively. “I was married before I met Neil. Actually, I was married when I met him, but my husband left me. He was Macdara’s dad and Neil already had Ellis, his son. We’re a blended family.”
“No, I didn’t know that,” I said.
“I don’t think anyone really remembers, now. They just think of us as a family, without the blended part. It really doesn’t matter when we all love each other so much.”