Page 20 of Absolute Harmony
She snorted angry laughter. “I’m so sorry I don’t want to live the life of a nun so that you can stop worrying about me. It’s my life, and I’ll live it the way I want.”
“Maybe it’s worth exploring with a therapist why you can’t even kiss a guy unless you’re drunk,” Hal said.
“That’s not true,” Savina said. “I kissed you, and I was stone cold sober that day. You’re a great kisser, by the way.”
His groin tightened, and he took another deep breath. “Savina, I -”
“Why did you kiss me?” she asked abruptly.
“I think that’s obvious,” he said.
“Is it? Because I, for one, am confused as fuck,” Savina said. “You stopped being my friend because you knew I had a crush on you, but last Saturday, you kissed me and threatened to fuck me right there at the vet clinic. Which, incidentally, was one of the hottest moments of my life.”
“I didn’t stop being your friend because you had a crush on me. Until Saturday, I had no idea you were attracted to me,” he said.
She stared at him before slumping against the seat and rubbing her temples. “Shit. I thought… wait, so that means you’re not my friend because of something else. What did I do to make you abandon our friendship, Hal? Whatever it was, it was shitty of you not to explain and give me a chance to apologize.”
“It had nothing to do with you,” he said. “You didn’t do anything.”
She stared at him. “Then tell me what it is.”
“It doesn’t matter,” he said.
“Bullshit it doesn’t matter. We used to be friends. You were my best friend, Hal. And then you just… stopped. Like I didn’t matter to you, like Inevermattered to you. I thought you were upset by my attraction, thought that the idea of me wanting you made you angry or made you think I was a bad person for betraying Alan. I thought -”
“It was me! Okay? It was all me.” His voice was too loud, but Savina didn’t flinch.
“What do you mean?”
“I’m attracted to you. I want to fu -I can’t be around you anymore because I want to sleep with you and what kind of asshole does that make me?” He banged his fist against his thigh. “It hurt like hell to walk away, and I’m sorry I hurt you, but I didn’t know what else to do. That fucking day with that fucking Ikea dresser. If I could go back in time, I -”
“Wait, what did you just say about the Ikea dresser?” Savina asked.
He sighed, forcing his hands to unclench. “That day we built the Ikea dresser for the spare bedroom. That’s the day I finally admitted to myself that I wanted to sleep with you.”
Savina started to laugh. He watched in silent confusion as she gripped the steering wheel and laughed until tears slid down her cheeks and she wheezed for breath.
“What’s so funny?” he asked when she finally got control of herself.
“That was the day I realized I wanted to fuck you,” she said and then wheezed out more laughter.
He stared at her. “Are you fucking with me right now?”
She laughed and shook her head. “I’m not, I swear.”
“Christ,” he said and then banged the back of his head against the headrest several times. “Fucking hell.”
“So, now what?” Savina said.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I’d like to say that we can go back to being friends, but we’ve tongue licked.”
He laughed despite himself. “Tongue licked?”
“I saw it on some tween tv show. Apparently, the term French kissed is only for old people.”
“Right,” he said.