Page 95 of The Mastermind
“Did you know that someone died in that church?”
He whipped his gaze back to me. “How do you know about that?”
I shrugged. “Uncle Derek . . .” The familial address felt like poison on my tongue. “I mean, Derek. We chatted about it during lunch with my mom one day when the news showed the church renovation. He mentioned someone was killed there. Mom wanted to donate money to help the center . . . many people did. They wanted to clean up the church and make something out of it. It’s a landmark in Providence.”
Tension strained Remi’s face, but I didn’t know if it was about the church or everything else. “Are you okay? You seem stressed.” I ran a hand down his arm.
“I’m good. No need to worry. What else did he say?” Remi offered me a smile, trying to prove nothing was wrong, but I knew him well now. The tight jaw and the tick on the side of his face showed he was hiding something from me.
“I don’t remember. I wasn’t paying attention. I just thought it was weird that someone was murdered in the church. In a twisted way, the sanctuary should have protected the victim.”
“Yeah, the irony of life gets me all the time.”
Did he know something he wasn’t telling me? I should have asked, but I didn’t want to hear anything stressful right now. The entire purpose of us taking time off to see WaterFire was to purge the anxiety from the previous days.
“I don’t want to talk about negative stuff tonight. I don’t want it to ruin our date.” He brushed a knuckle across my cheekbone. “Let’s concentrate on what’s bright and beautiful.”
He pointed to a boat with men with painted faces holding torches and performing a dance on the river. The light from the flames flickered against the water’s surface.
I studied Remi, and the reflection of the flames flickered in his eyes. The glow from the fire illuminated his face, highlighting the attractive angles that had lured me. Those angles held shadows that called to me, probably because I had shadows of my own.
As I looked at the braziers, I didn’t feel the urge to retreat. Tiny nerves still stirred, but nothing paralyzed me. The flames grew, and I imagined a phoenix rising from the ashes. No signs of panic surged in me, and no flashbacks of the past resurfaced without my permission. I was the hopeful and fearless Audri again.
Emotions flooded me as the revelation overwhelmed me. The hypnosis session and the meditation I practiced before bedtime had been a tremendous help in my recovery. I had said my farewell to my dad and Mochi by remembering and accepting their deaths. That had closed a sacred chapter in my life, allowing me to start a new one. I couldn’t help the joy, hope, and tears that flowed through me and out of me. I tugged his hand to get his attention.
“What’s wrong?” His face scrunched at the sight of tears.
“Nothing’s wrong, Remi. Everything’s right. For the first time since the house fire, I can stand here and be close to the braziers. I can look at the fire, feel the heat on my face, and be okay with it. My body doesn’t jerk at the snap of fire or the smoky air. The WaterFire celebration inspired me as a child. I loved the creativity of the musicians and artists, the kindness of volunteers who made this event possible, and the precious families who gathered here to celebrate the arts from all walks of life. I remember why I loved coming to this event.”
“I’m glad to hear that,” he said, his face softening.
I loved the various aspects of him. He was a fire that could change from harmless to harmful. Despite that, I felt safer with him than with anyone else.
“I don’t panic when I see massive flames anymore. It’s ironic the fire that traumatized me has turned to smoke because of the fire I have for you.” I stared at the aqua eyes that never failed to wake the butterflies in my stomach. “You’re my aqua fire. I know that sounds cheesy, but it’s true. You helped burn away my darkness.”
“And you introduced me to the rainbow.” He brushed away my tears and swept a hand down his yellow shirt. “Not only did you give me the rainbow, but you’re also the flame that guided me through my dark hell, my black heart.”
“Remi . . . your heart isn’t black. There are aqua flames burning in it. They reflect in your eyes.”
The tears wanted to come again, but I willed myself to stop. I didn’t want to smudge my makeup. I embraced him, and his muscular arms held me.
The fire basins crackled with light, and I faced them. There was nothing to fear. These flames were symbols of hope. They brought light to the dark. They brought all these families here tonight. The rich, the middle class, the poor—everyone melded together to experience creativity on this day. There was magic and power in that.
I had lost a lot of time because of fear. I didn’t want to lose any more. My heart raced at what I was about to confess. I broke from his embrace and traced his lips with my index finger.
“This perfect mouth . . . this perfect ‘line segment.’” I smiled, using his words as I seduced his lips. We were out in public, but it was dark, and there were more exciting things happening around us than watching a young couple in love. My finger lingered at the corner of his mouth before I dragged it upward. “My DLS, now and forever. Do you know the power of a smile?”
“A smile is a line that seals the deal.” He nibbled my finger. “I only smile for you . . . because of you.” His smile widened.
My heart fluttered like a thousand hummingbirds waiting for my admission. “A smile is a line that turns things around. You did that for me. You saved me.”
His eyes settled directly on me. “I’ll never stop.”
My heart pounded as a bonfire of emotions grew in me. “I love you, Remi.” Love was a powerful force not to be reckoned with. I felt it radiating through my body. “You had me at ‘line segment.’” I drew a smile in the air, the gesture that had become my way of saying, “I love you” to him.
A storm of emotions whirled on his face—surprise, love, confusion, and fear. In the end, his eye gleamed as he drew a smile back at me, but I didn’t know if his gesture meant the same as mine.
“Thank you for being on this journey with me,” I said. “I don’t know if I could have succeeded without you.”