Page 35 of Chorus of Ashes
“You’ll need to save one for Bianca or she’ll be having my head,” Seamus said, gesturing to a roll with his mug.
“There’s plenty. I’ll be seeing to the ladies, no worries on that,” Callahan promised. Rian downed his cup in two fiery swallows and filled his mug to the brim once more. The fire crackled and popped, and Rian tapped his finger idly against his mug as his thoughts whirled.
“How do you do it?” Rian looked up, surprised to realize the question had sprung from him.
“Do what?” Seamus asked, realizing that Rian was looking at him.
“Be a good partner to Bianca. Go to battle with her and not lose your mind that she’ll get hurt. Let her lead when she needs to lead. Just … that. All of that.” Rian spit out before slugging another mouthful of whiskey.
“Ingrate,” Callahan muttered, annoyed at how Rian was drinking his nice whiskey.
“Are you asking me how to be in a relationship, Rian?” Seamus pretended to check his nails and fluttered his eyelashes at Rian as though they were girls gossiping at a sleepover.
“Eat shite,” Rian said. He should have known better than to bring up his concerns.
“Come on, man, I’m just playing. In all seriousness? It’s hard. It takes constant work. Every time we go into battle, I have to just remember that she is an adult who can make her own choices. There is no way that I can hold her back, as my woman is a powerful force in her own right. I just have to trust she’ll make good decisions.”
“Plus she’d knock your head off your shoulders if you stopped her from fighting for the Good Fae,” Callahan added. “Quite a woman you have there, Seamus.”
“It’s a lucky man, I am,” Seamus agreed. “I’ve known it from day one. I just needed to convince her to pick me. Once I had my chance, I never let go.”
“I had my chance. I walked away,” Rian admitted. Silence fell, and he studied the flames dancing in the fire as though he could find the answer buried deep in the embers.
“I mean … she’s right there. You could just turn around and go back.” Seamus broke the silence and gestured with his mug to the cottages. Rian stared at him, dumbstruck, and Callahan snorted.
It was the snort that did him in.
Soon, the three men were laughing so hard that tears ran down Rian’s cheeks. Maybe it was because he hadn’t eaten food that day and the whiskey was going to his head a bit, but that had to be one of the funniest things he’d ever heard. When they finally quieted, Rian shook his head and wiped his eyes.
“You make it sound so easy. Sure and I wish it could be. It’s not ... the truth of it is … I’m not good enough for her.”
“I don’t know about that,” Seamus said, “isn’t that how all men feel when they find themselves with an amazing woman? Like they’re trying to hold onto a rainbow? I think, if she picks you, then you have to trust her to know her own mind in what she wants.”
“Well said.” Callahan tapped the rim of his mug to Seamus’s.
Rian huffed out a laugh and shifted, picking up a stick to nudge the sausage rolls a bit.
“You make it sound so simple.”
“And you overcomplicate things,” Callahan said. Rian glanced at his friend, the one person he allowed close in his life.
“Do I? Youknowme. You know the things that I’ve done. The wrongs that weigh on my conscience. I’ve systematically tried to hurt the Earth Fae in any manner that I can since I’ve been exiled. I’ve even made a deal with the Dark Fae. Don’t tell me that I’m good enough for a pure heart like Terra. I’m not, and you well know it.”
“And yet she chooses you,” Seamus said.
“She might not know … she doesn’t understand what I really am, you see?”
“Maybe she thinks you’re worth saving,” Callahan’s voice carried across the fire and cracked like a whip across Rian’s back. His shoulders tensed.
“I think we both know I’m too far past that,” Rian finally bit out. Once more, he filled his cup, while the men again fell silent. The wind wailed its sullen song, rambling across the fields, while the waves crashed below. It was a cold night, colder than it had been since they arrived, and Rian couldn’t help but feel like the weather mirrored how he felt inside.
“Is that right? You’ve just decided it then? You let the Earth Fae exile you and decide since they say you’re bad, well, then you’ll be bad? You’ve got an amazing woman in there who is willing to take a chance on you and you’re going to throw that away because you’ve convinced yourself that you’re not a good person? I didn’t realize your mother had raised a damn fool,” Callahan said.
“Don’t you dare speak of my mother,” Rian rose, and Callahan stood, meeting him.
“Oh, but I will. You scare everyone else, but remember, Rian — I bow to no man, and I’ll speak exactly what I think, even if you don’t like what I have to say. Your mother would be ashamed of you.”
Rian raised a fist but stopped just short of punching Callahan in the face, his arm shaking with the effort to restrain himself. His breath caught in his chest, and his stomach twisted when Callahan smiled and lifted his chin in challenge.