Page 36 of Chorus of Ashes
“Real bad guy, aren’t you?” Callahan asked, taunting him, the light of war in his eyes. Rian wanted nothing more than to smash that smile off the man’s face. But he couldn’t, he just couldn’t.
“Rian.”
At Terra’s voice behind him, Rian closed his eyes.
“Go to your woman, Rian. You gain nothing by walking away and everything by staying. What will it be?”
“Rian … what’s going on?” Terra asked again, her voice tender and insistent behind him. Once more, she’d arrived before he could step past a line he couldn’t come back from.
“Do not speak of my mother,” Rian ground out.
“I absolutely will speak of her. Because if you can’t remember her last words to you, I’ll be here to remind you of them.”
Furious, Rian turned to the fire, ignoring Terra for a moment as he struggled to compose himself. His emotions roiled inside him, and he felt like a man lost at sea, barely hanging onto a threadbare life ring while the waves threatened to drag him under. Every time he came up for a breath, another emotion seemed to crash over him, and he couldn’t see his way forward.
“Rian. Can I speak with you?” Terra’s voice, like a beam of light from a lonely lighthouse, shone into his darkness. Rian dug his nails into his palms, trying to force himself to be calm. His pain wasn’t for her to manage. Finally, he gave a curt nod, and bent down to pick up his cup, filling it once more with whiskey. Turning, he followed Terra who walked toward his cottage, nerves dancing through him at the thought of being alone with her.
“Why do I smell sausage rolls?” Bianca demanded from behind him, and Seamus’s laughter followed Rian on the misty night air. He’d been right about his woman, Rian thought, and realized he was just a bit jealous of Seamus’s easy relationship with Bianca. Though Seamus had said it was hard, it certainly didn’t look that way from the outside.
Terra stood at his door, a touch of uncertainty playing across her face, and he motioned for her to go inside. Rian hated that he was responsible for bringing her anything less than joy. Was it their fated mate bond that had turned him so quickly from wanting to hand her over to the Dark Fae to now wanting to cradle her close like she was the most precious gift in the world? He’d been fascinated by her since the moment he’d seen her, that was true enough, but still he’d been willing to broker a deal with Domnu without worrying too much for Terra’s fate. When had that changed? Had it been their first kiss? Or had it been the moment he’d caught her speaking softly to a ladybug and helping it find its way to a clover flower? There was a softness and sweetness to Terra that appealed to his protective instincts.
But in this moment — the only one she needed protecting from was him.
“Rian…” Terra began, crossing the room with her hands clasped in front of her as though she was a schoolteacher about to deliver a lecture. Her words skidded to a stop as she stared at something on his bed. Curious, he crossed to her side to see what had caused her to falter.
Terra reached out and gently lifted the silly flower garland that he’d won from the game the other night. He’d kept it, foolishly he supposed, and draped it on a corner of the bed. It was but a bit of sentimentality from a brief moment in time where he’d felt normal once more — like he belonged with a group of friends. It wasn’t real, as they hadn’t chosen to be by his side, instead they’d merely been passing time while he’d kept them prisoners. The reality of the situation far outweighed the pretty picture he’d tried to make of it in his head, and now he felt stupid for keeping the flower chain.
“Oh,Rian.” Terra pursed her lips, reaching up to brush her fingers across his cheek before he could step back. “Why won’t you let me love you?”
Rian caught her hand, pulling it away from his face, but he didn’t let go. Instead, he stared down at her sad eyes, his chest heaving with the effort to restrain himself. A tangled web of energy connected the two. Rian could almost reach out and touch it. Curiosity bloomed, as a warm languid heat pulsed through his body. What would it be like to lie with Terra? To love Terra? By any indication, it would be earth shattering. He’d heard the same through the years, from those lucky enough to find their fated mates. The connection was both intense and soul warming
The problem was, Rian wasn’t sure he had a soul left. He was a dried husk of a man, with no sustenance left to give Terra, and he’d do her a disservice by accepting what she offered. And yet, he stood, transfixed, as her eyes pleaded with him.
He couldn’t move forward.
But he couldn’t leave either.
Frozen, Rian waited, his focus narrowing until all he could see were the flecks of gold in Terra’s hypnotic emerald eyes. Seeming to understand what he needed, Terra’s lips eased into a soft smile.
She stepped forward.
18
The man was cryingout for love.
Why couldn’t he see that what he needed wasn’t world domination or vengeance? His heart cried out for family. For love. Forher. She could give this to him, if only he’d let her. Terra knew what it was like to lose those she loved. Together, they could heal each other’s wounds, and create their own family. If only…
Boldly, she walked to Rian and nudged him until the back of his knees hit the side of the bed and he dropped to the mattress. Terra had brought him here to ask him, plainly, to give her the knife back. But now she realized that maybe she’d brought him here for something else as well. If he’d only give her this small moment in time together, then she was going to take it, because never again would she know the touch of her fated mate — or another man. If Rian left her, after this, she’d live the rest of her days alone and untouched, forever pining for him. It was both the blessing and the curse of a fated mate bond. How much of himself would he give to her? She needed to show him what they could be to each other.
Rian’s hands were clenched in fists on his knees, and Terra nudged his legs open with her body, so she stood between his thighs. Still, he didn’t touch her. Instead, a fine tremble worked its way through his body as though it took everything in his power to remain still. What would it take to make him lose control? Reaching out, Terra threaded her fingers through his thick hair, and he surprised her by bringing his forehead to her stomach. She held him there, one hand lightly tangled in his hair, the other stroking the thick bands of muscles that ridged his shoulders. Her eyes caught on the simple floral garland, a whimsy that he’d kept, and she held on tight to the knowledge that beneath this tough exterior lay a heart that was still capable of love.
He shifted, just the slightest of movements, and Terra closed her eyes softly and exhaled in relief when his arms came around her waist. Now, too, he explored her body much like she did his, stroking softly, as they held each other through the storm of emotions that threatened to engulf them both. Her body hummed with energy, the thread of magick inside of her recognizing his, and she braced her hands on his shoulders and lifted herself to straddle him. When he made no move to stop her, instead continuing to lightly stroke his hands up and down her sides, Terra took it as a win.
“Rian,” Terra said softly, and when he tilted his head to look up at her, his eyes filled with need, she captured his lips with her own. Gently, ever so gently, she breathed against his mouth, the warmth and spiciness of his taste dancing across her lips. When he groaned lightly into her kiss, Terra smiled. There was no way he didn’t feel what she felt.
It was as though they were two lovers caught in time, the world falling away around them, and the only thing that mattered was the two of them, locked away in this cottage. The single flickering candle lit the room, bathing them in soft light, but very little warmth. Not that Terra needed warmth. Her body felt energized, alive, and heightened to touch. Trails of heat followed Rian’s fingertips as he stroked her body, and her hips moved against him of their own accord, rolling against his hardness. Terra whimpered into his mouth, the intensity of his desire igniting a flame inside her. No longer did she want to linger over each brush of her lips on his. She wanted to devour him whole. Need made her tug at the canvas coat he wore, wanting to feel her skin against his.
“Terra … we can’t…” Rian began, and a flash of anger almost made Terra scream in frustration. Instead, she gripped his chin with her hands and narrowed her eyes at his stubborn and beautiful face.